Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel Read online

  “Shhh. I want to hear what they’re saying.”

  His low chuckle makes me smile. I love to make him happy, even if it means stepping way outside my comfort zone to experience something new.

  When it’s over, I say, “I want that.” I’m riveted by the man’s tenderness in the aftermath of their scene.

  “What do you want?”

  “What they did. I want to do that.”

  “How much of it?” Kristian asks in a terse tone that has me immediately on edge as I realize my words are akin to throwing gas on the fire, as he said earlier.

  “All of it.”

  “Let’s go.”

  I bring Aileen with me when I go to the locked supply closet to pack a bag. Unlike my partners, I don’t keep a BDSM room at home, because I don’t usually bring women to my place. I make use of the Quantum club and others, such as Black Vice, which is owned by our friend Devon Black. Besides, we aren’t going to my place. I’ve made other plans for us because I wanted tonight to be special for her.

  When I’ve gathered what we need to re-create the scene we just witnessed, I lead her to the elevator, wanting to get her alone as fast as I possibly can after the way she reacted to the scene. Hearing her say she wants to do what they did has me harder than I’ve ever been in my life. Settled in the back of the Bentley, I’m almost afraid to touch her. I hope I can make it to the hotel I chose for our night together without losing my shit.

  “I want you to remember something,” she says after a long, tense silence.

  “What’s that?”

  “You promised to treat me like you would any other woman.”

  I put my arm around her and bring her in close to me, nuzzling her neck and drowning in her distinctive scent. I want that to be the last thing I smell before I leave this life. “I’m afraid I can’t keep that promise.”

  “Why not? You know how important it is to me that you don’t treat me like I’m fragile.”

  “I don’t think you’re fragile. You may be one of the strongest people I know.”

  “Then why can’t you keep your promise?”

  “Because you’re the single most important person in the entire world to me, and I will never treat you the way I would anyone else. You, my love, will be treated like a queen for the rest of your life. I hope you’re prepared for that.”

  “The rest of my life?” she asks softly, sounding awed.

  “If that’s what you want.” When have five words ever packed more of a punch than those do? Never that I can recall. I wait breathlessly, feeling as if my entire life and any chance I have to be truly happy is on the line.

  “I moved here for you. I think it’s safe to assume you’re what I want.”

  “And you’d be okay with being stuck with me for like, well… forever?” So much for it being too soon to talk about such things. Her honesty is infectious, and it’s forced me to raise my own bar. I feel like the little boy I once was, hoping that one of my many foster families might decide to keep me. None of them ever did, and I survived that. However, if she were to decide not to keep me…

  Her hand on my face compels me to look at her. “There’s nothing I want more than to be stuck with you forever.”

  They are, quite simply, the best words anyone has ever said to me. They’re even better than I love you, and those three were pretty great, too.

  I regret my plan to take her to a hotel, because my place is closer and my need for her urgent. But I wanted tonight to be special, so I reserved the best suite in the famous Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

  “Where’re we going?”

  “Somewhere special.” Recalling the late dinner I ordered, I want to groan at the thought of further delays. But anticipation makes the desire that much sharper, although if my desire for her gets much sharper, I might not survive. “Check in with Cece. You’re going to be busy when we get to where we’re going.”

  Her cheeks flush a warm, rosy shade that makes me wonder whether her other cheeks would be the same color after a spanking.

  I’m in agony from wanting to find out.

  Aileen is on the phone with Cece, but she senses my disquiet and places her hand on my leg in a gesture that immediately calms everything but the ache in my cock. That’s going to take far more than a hand to the leg.

  We finally arrive at the hotel, and I’m grateful for the suit coat that hides my huge erection from the doormen. Lori picked up the key for me earlier, so we head right for the elevator.

  “What about our bags?”

  I carry only the small black bag I brought from the club. “They’ll be delivered to the room.”

  “Can we slow down so I can look at this beautiful hotel?”

  “You can do that tomorrow.” Slowing down is not on the agenda. All I can hear is her sexy voice saying, I want to do what they did.

  “You’re in a big rush.”

  “Fuck, yes, I am. The woman of my dreams wants me to dominate her. You bet your ass I’m in a rush.” I angle her into the back corner of the car and press my hard cock against her pussy. I can feel her heat through our clothes. “I ordered dinner for us, but unless you’re starving, that might have to wait until after.”

  “I’m too nervous to eat.”

  That stops me cold. “You’re nervous? About being with me?” The thought of that kills me.

  “I just hope…” She looks up at me with her heart in her eyes. “I want to be everything you need. I hope I can handle it.”

  “Sweetheart… You already are everything I’ll ever need and then some. If we never do any of what we saw tonight, I’ll still love you and need you and want you as much as ever. I swear to God. Nothing is riding on this, so please don’t be afraid. I’d never want to scare you or make you nervous.”

  She visibly relaxes. “I’ll try not to be nervous.”

  “Will you promise me that if you’re ever truly scared or nervous about being with me in any way that you’ll say so?”

  “I promise.”

  “And you’re sure you want everything you saw at the club?”

  She swallows hard, but her gaze never wavers. “I’m sure.”

  “Remind me of that safe word again.”

  “Destiny.”

  “And you know when to use it?”

  “If I want to stop what we’re doing.”

  “If you need a break or a breather, use the word yellow. The word red also stops everything. Understood?”

  Still looking up at me with those beautiful bottomless eyes filled with love for me, she nods.

  “Excellent, because you, my love, are under arrest.”

  Chapter 22

  Still high off the memories of our extraordinary night alone on Saturday as well as the rest of the weekend with him, I start my job as the Quantum receptionist on Monday morning after dropping the kids at an all-day soccer camp on the way to work. It was the best weekend of my life. Spending an entire night completely alone with Kristian was total bliss. Being “arrested” by him was the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me. He made it even better with breakfast in bed and a relaxing couples massage at the hotel before we went home to spend the day at the beach with the kids.

  At five o’clock this morning, he kissed me awake.

  “I’m going before the kids wake up,” he said.

  I grasped his hand to keep him from leaving. “I don’t want this weekend to be over yet.”

  “It’s the first of a lifetime’s worth of weekends we’ll have together.”

  A sense of foreboding came over me as he said that, and I wanted to beg him not to go. I still don’t know why I was so afraid. I only know I didn’t want to let him leave.

  “I love you.” He said those words to me repeatedly throughout the weekend, as if now that he was allowed to say them, he didn’t want to stop. That was fine with me.

  “I love you, too. Thank you for the best weekend of my life.”

  “It was for me, too.” He kissed me, and I wound my arms around his neck.


  He broke the kiss with a groan. “Let me go, you evil witch. I’ve got a business to run.”

  I let him go, but the foreboding stayed with me in the four hours between when he left and when I reported for my first day of work at the office.

  Addie greets me with a smile and a hug and a ream of paperwork that I complete while hoping to catch a glimpse of the man I love. She walks me through the paperwork, which includes an application for health insurance for myself and my children.

  “Your plan has already been activated,” Addie tells me. “Kristian took care of that last week, so this is just a formality.” She leans in and lowers her voice. “He told the HR people to do whatever it took and pay whatever it cost to get you on the plan immediately.”

  My eyes fill, and I blink frantically, not wanting to break down in front of Addie. Crying at work is not my thing, but the tears won’t be contained no matter how hard I try.

  Addie hands me a tissue.

  I mop up the flood of tears. “Sorry.”

  “Please don’t be. We’re all so happy for you and Kris. We’ve never seen him like this before.”

  “Like what?” I ask, because I have to know.

  “For one thing, he smiles all the time. We’ve never seen so much of those elusive dimples of his. For another, he takes time off—real time off. No one heard from him all weekend. That’s highly unusual. He doesn’t say much about his life before he became part of Quantum, but we suspect it was difficult. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s him—and you.”

  “Thank you.” I dab at new tears. “Ugh, you’re making a mess of me.”

  She smiles. “You could never be a mess.”

  “Why’re you crying?”

  The sound of Kristian’s voice startles me. I look up to find him standing in the doorway to the conference room.

  “Addie, give us a minute, please,” he says.

  “Of course.” She gathers the paperwork I’ve already signed and leaves the room.

  Kristian closes the door and comes over to where I’m seated at the big table. “What’s wrong?”

  He’s wearing a light blue dress shirt that does startling things for his beautiful eyes, and he’s showered and shaved since I last saw him. As much as I love the stubble he had all weekend, I like the clean-shaven look, too. “Nothing is wrong.”

  “Then why were you crying?”

  “Addie told me how you ordered them to add me and the kids to the health insurance.”

  “I told you I was going to do that.”

  “I know.”

  “You still haven’t explained the tears.” He takes my hand, helps me up and then sits in my chair, bringing me down on his lap. With the brush of his fingers on my face, he wipes away my tears.

  As always, his nearness makes my entire system go haywire in a wild mix of emotion, desire and need.

  “Aileen…”

  “I’ve never had anyone who wanted to take care of me and the kids the way you do. Hearing that you demanded your staff take care of me that way…” I flatten my hand over my heart. “It hit me right here, and that’s why I was crying.”

  “I do want to take care of you—all of you.”

  “That makes me feel very lucky.”

  “You have no idea how it makes me feel.”

  “Tell me. How do you feel?”

  “Amazed. I can’t believe something like this is even possible. Of course, I’ve seen it happen to my friends, but it’s a whole other thing to have it happen to me.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe in the rich, citrusy scent of his cologne. I want to drown in that scent.

  “I’m supposed to be working,” I say after a long moment of contented silence.

  “So am I.”

  “You should probably let me go before the whole office is talking about us being in here alone together.”

  Rather than let me go, though, he tightens his arms around me. “Let them talk.”

  I have no idea where Aileen is, and as one hour becomes two and two become three without a reply to my texts, I’m frantic to hear from her. She left the office after lunch on her second day without telling me where she was going, and now, as the clock creeps toward five o’clock without a word from her, I’m starting to panic. Did something happen to her or one of the kids? She’s not used to driving in crazy LA traffic yet. What if she was in an accident?

  Before the speculation can give me a heart attack, I get up and go look for Addie in her office. She’s not there, so I check Hayden’s office.

  “Where’s Addie?” I ask him.

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “I can’t get ahold of Aileen, and I wanted to ask Addie if she’s heard from her.”

  “Addie went to Calabasas with Natalie for a site visit at the estate where the carnival will be held.”

  “Will you call her for me?”

  “Okay…” He picks up his cell phone and makes the call. “Hey, babe. Kristian is here and looking for Aileen. Do you know where she is?” He listens for a minute, and his furrowing brows take five years off my life.

  Something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones.

  “Okay, I’ll tell him. Are you almost done there?” He listens for another interminable minute, during which I want to rip the phone from his hand and ask Addie myself where Aileen is. Somehow I manage to control myself until he tells her he loves her and he’ll see her at home in an hour. “Aileen had an appointment this afternoon with her new oncologist.”

  The floor seems to disappear beneath my feet at the reminder that she’s still battling an illness that could take her from me. Why didn’t she tell me about the appointment? Is something wrong? Has she had symptoms? My brain is spinning like a top, and Hayden comes around the desk to push me into a chair.

  “Sit your ass down before you pass out.”

  I drop my head into my hands.

  “What the hell, Kris? What’s wrong?”

  “I… I’m so crazy about her. If something ever happened to her…”

  Hayden sits next to me, his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure it’s a routine thing. Didn’t she say her New York doctor set her up with someone out here? She’s probably just touching base with the new guy.”

  “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

  “Because she didn’t want you to do exactly what you’re doing now?”

  “I would’ve gone with her.”

  “Maybe she didn’t want you to.”

  “Why wouldn’t she want me to?” I honestly don’t know the answer to that question.

  “Only she can know that, but it could be that she wants to keep what’s happening with you separate from that.”

  “Why?” I’m so out of my league in this situation. I want to hunt her down at the doctor’s office and force her to tell me every detail of her appointment. But my better judgment tells me that might not be the best idea I’ve ever had.

  Hayden starts to laugh, and it’s all I can do not to punch him. “What the hell is so freaking funny?”

  “You are. You’re a hot mess.”

  “Kind of like you were when Addie wouldn’t give you the time of day?”

  “Something like that,” he says, smiling as he sits back in his chair. “If it makes you feel any better, Aileen seems as crazy about you as you are about her. You’ve got nothing to worry about where she’s concerned, Kris.”

  “Except for the dreadful disease she’s already battled once coming back to take her from me.”

  “You’re getting pretty far down the road from what’s probably a routine doctor’s appointment.”

  “Maybe so, but tell me how you’d feel if Addie had cancer and went to an appointment with an oncologist without telling you about it.”

  “I’d probably feel exactly the same way you do.”

  His agreement only makes me more anxious than I was before, if that’s even possible. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  “Where’re you going?”

&
nbsp; “To her place to wait for her.”

  “Don’t be a bull in a china shop over the appointment, Kris. Let her tell you about it.”

  “I will.” I leave his office, go into mine to grab my keys, and I’m on my way to her house within minutes. Traffic is hideous, and it takes me close to an hour to get there. Several more calls to her go unanswered, inching my anxiety firmly into the nuclear zone. I pull up to her house and breathe a sigh of relief when I see her car in the driveway. At least she wasn’t in an accident.

  I rush up the stairs and through the front door without knocking. Logan is on the sofa watching TV. He looks up at me, seeming confused by the way I came busting into the house.

  “Hey, buddy. Where’s your mom?”

  “In the kitchen.”

  “Thanks.” I cross the threshold to the kitchen and stop short at the sight of her at the stove, tending to a boiling pot.

  She sees me there and smiles at me over her shoulder. “Hey. Where’d you come from?”

  Normally, I text her to tell her I’m on my way. I didn’t do that today, and she’s wondering why.

  “Where’s your phone?” I ask, even though I can see the shape of it in the back pocket of those drool-worthy cutoff denim shorts that make me want to drop to my knees and bite her sweet ass.

  She withdraws it from her back pocket and holds it up. “Right here?”

  “Why haven’t you answered it all afternoon? I called you. I texted you, and when you didn’t reply, I asked Hayden to ask Addie where you were. She said you had a doctor’s appointment you didn’t tell me about.” So much for not being a bull in a china shop…

  She glances at the phone and then at me. “I don’t have any calls or texts from you.”

  “Give it to me.” I take it from her, look at the settings and see that it’s set to airplane mode. “Who put it in airplane mode?”

  “Oh no! Maddie was fooling with it in the car earlier. She must’ve done it by accident.”

  I switch it out of airplane mode, and the phone goes crazy dinging with texts and voice mails—all of them from me.

  She slides her arms around my waist. “I’m so sorry.”