I Want to Hold Your Hand Read online

  Praise for the Green Mountain Romance series

  “All You Need is Love is the quintessential romance and, boy, does it deliver!”

  —RT Book Reviews (4 stars)

  “If you’re looking for a heartwarming, feel-good story to lose yourself in for a few hours, then this is one book you should look into!

  —Night Owl Reviews (Top Pick)

  Praise for the New York Times bestselling McCarthys of Gansett Island series

  “With the McCarthys of Gansett Island, Marie Force makes you believe in the power of true love and happily ever after. Over and over again.”

  —Carly Phillips, New York Times bestselling author

  “This is one sexy story . . . Hang out with Evan and Grace and you’ll want to stay on Gansett Island, too!”

  —USA Today

  “This is another beautifully written love story. It draws you in and stays with you after you are done reading.”

  —Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews

  “[Force] is quickly becoming one of my favorite romance series writers.”

  —Lisa’s Reads

  “As always, Force’s writing is wonderfully entertaining . . . Force hits a home run with Season for Love and her entire Gansett Island series.”

  —Ravishing Romances

  “Ms. Force has the ability to make you fall in love with her Island and all of the quirky and sweet characters that reside there . . . [A] fantastic series!”

  —Joyfully Reviewed

  Titles by Marie Force

  ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

  I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND

  THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) LLC

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014

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  penguin.com

  A Penguin Random House Company

  I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND

  A Berkley Sensation Book / published by arrangement with HTJB, Inc.

  Copyright © 2014 by HTJB, Inc.

  Excerpt from I Saw Her Standing There by Marie Force copyright © 2014 by HTJB, Inc.

  Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

  Berkley Sensation Books are published by The Berkley Publishing Group.

  BERKLEY SENSATION® is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) LLC.

  The “B” design is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) LLC.

  For information, address: The Berkley Publishing Group,

  a division of Penguin Group (USA) LLC,

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014.

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-101-63775-3

  PUBLISHING HISTORY

  Berkley Sensation mass-market edition / June 2014

  Cover photos by Shutterstock.

  Cover design by George Long.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Version_1.0

  CONTENTS

  Praise for Marie Force

  Titles by Marie Force

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  CHAPTER 15

  CHAPTER 16

  CHAPTER 17

  CHAPTER 18

  CHAPTER 19

  CHAPTER 20

  CHAPTER 21

  CHAPTER 22

  CHAPTER 23

  CHAPTER 24

  CHAPTER 25

  CHAPTER 26

  CHAPTER 27

  CHAPTER 28

  EPILOGUE

  Acknowledgments

  Excerpt from I Saw Her Standing There

  To all the men and women in uniform serving our country around the world—and all the people at home who love and miss them.

  And for John Gomes, the “Nolan” of my hometown, who was much loved and is dearly missed.

  CHAPTER 1

  A new boy moved to town over the summer. His name is Caleb Guthrie. Hunter and Will like him, but I haven’t decided yet.

  —From the diary of Hannah Abbott, age twelve

  Hannah Abbott Guthrie looked forward to the second Thursday of every month, when she met her high school friends in St. Johnsbury for lunch and an afternoon at their favorite spa. The tradition began after Hannah lost her husband, Caleb, in Iraq almost seven years ago. She’d continued to meet the girls every week long after the first awful wave of grief passed into the new reality of life without Caleb.

  Like her family, her friends had been there for her one thousand percent, and Hannah loved her “escape from it all” days passionately. This time, she was even considering the possibility of taking her friend Becky up on the standing invite to spend the night in St. Johnsbury so she wouldn’t have to drive home after the relaxing afternoon.

  Her brother Hunter had volunteered to come by when he got back to town to check on Caleb’s old dog, Homer, so he wouldn’t have to spend the whole day and night alone. Even with Homer covered, she was playing the invitation by ear. Since Caleb died, she had a lot of trouble sleeping, and if she was going to be up at all hours, she preferred to rattle around in the privacy of her own home.

  Hannah picked up the overnight bag she’d packed just in case she decided to stay, gave Homer a snuggle and let him know Uncle Hunter would be by to see him later. She locked the door to the huge Victorian she’d inherited from Caleb. The house was far too big for one person, but Caleb had loved the house that had come from his grandmother, and Hannah would never sell it.

  She unlocked her aging SUV and put her bag into the back before sliding into the driver’s seat. The day was chilly but sunny, an early spring day in northern Vermont, where winter hung around far longer than it did just a few hours south. In deference to the lingering winter, Hannah had chosen to wear a heavy coat rather than the new spring jacket she was ready to break out any day now.

  With the key in the ignition, she turned it and got a clicking sound that didn’t bode well for going anywhere. “Come on,” she whispered. “Not today. Do this tomorrow when I’ve got nowhere to be.” She turned the key again and got the same click, click, click noise that she recognized as a dead battery. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  She leaned her head on the steering wheel as she tried to remember where everyone was today. Her dad and Hunter had gone to a business conference in Montpelier. Will was in New York helping his girlfriend, Cameron, pack up her apartment for her move to Vermont. Colton was up on the mountain at the family sugaring facility, Wade knew as much about cars as she did, Lucas and Landon were working a twenty-four-hour shift at the volunteer fire department and Max was at school in Burlington.

  Her sisters, Ella and Ch
arley, were as useful in this situation as Hannah and Wade. Her mom had taken Hannah’s grandfather for his annual physical this morning. That left one person she could call and, as luck would have it, he was the last person she wanted to call.

  “If I call Nolan he’s going to get all hopeful, and I can’t do that to him,” she said, reasoning with herself and the cold air. It had been enough that recently she’d danced with him at the Grange and then let him drive her home. That was more than she’d done with any man in all the years since Caleb died.

  But Nolan wasn’t just any man. He’d been less than circumspect about his feelings for her, never missing a chance to inquire about her to one of her family members—all of whom loved relaying Nolan’s thoughtful sentiments to her at every possible opportunity.

  “You’re being foolish. You can either call Nolan and continue with your plans or miss the day with the girls. Those are your choices.” The one thing she didn’t feel foolish about, after living alone for close to seven years, was talking to herself. If anyone knew how often she had full conversations with herself, they’d probably have her committed.

  She reached for the cell phone she kept in the car for emergencies and made the call, holding her breath while she waited for him to answer the phone at the station he ran in town.

  “Nolan’s.”

  At the sound of his deep voice a flutter of nerves filled her belly.

  “Hello?”

  “Oh sorry. Hey, Nolan, it’s Hannah.”

  “Hannah.” With the single word came hope, surprise and hesitation. That he managed to convey so much by only saying her name was one of the many reasons she’d kept her distance from him. His feelings for her were a badly kept secret, and being around him made her nervous. She’d known him all her life, so the nerves were stupid, really, but she had them every time she laid eyes on the man. “What’s going on?”

  “Well, my car won’t start, and I’ve got somewhere to be for once.”

  “What’s it doing?”

  “Clicking.”

  “Sounds like the battery. I’ll be right there.”

  “Oh um, do you have time?”

  “Of course I do,” he said as if that was the stupidest question he’d ever heard. “That’s my job. I’ll be there in a few.”

  “Thanks, Nolan.” She put the phone in her purse and waited, feeling anxious and unsettled. He had that effect on her, and he wasn’t even there yet. In the last six weeks, she’d tried not to think about the night she’d danced with him and then let him drive her home. She’d tried not to think about how she’d let him kiss her good night, or how much she’d really, really liked kissing him.

  Her fingers found their way to her lips as she relived the moment on her front porch. He’d insisted on walking her to the door. “I had a good time tonight,” he’d said. “Thanks for dancing with me.”

  “It was a terrible chore.” She hoped her wittiness hid the nerves that were rampaging through her.

  “I’m sure it was,” he said with a good-natured laugh. “I’m known for my two left feet.”

  “You’re a smooth dancer.”

  “Am I?” he asked, sounding surprised.

  “Very.”

  “Huh. I always thought I kind of sucked at it.”

  “You don’t.”

  The words had hung in the air between them, which had gone heavy with expectation.

  “Hannah . . .” His fingers on her face were soft despite the hard work he did with his hands every day.

  She’d been rendered breathless and speechless by the yearning she’d seen on his handsome face, which had been illuminated by the porch light. And then his lips were on hers, gentle and undemanding but no less earth-shattering than a much more passionate kiss would’ve been. Hannah had ruined it by pulling back from him when she didn’t even want to. Why she’d done that was a question she still couldn’t answer six weeks later.

  He’d called her the next day, but coward that she was, she’d let the call go to voicemail and hadn’t seen or spoken to him again—until today. Although, she’d listened to his sweet message over and over again until she knew the words by heart.

  Oh hey, Hannah, it’s me, Nolan. Um, I, ah, wanted to say I had a nice time last night. There’s a new Mexican place in Stowe that I’ve been wanting to check out. I remember you love Mexican food, so if you’d like to go sometime, you have my number. Call me, okay?

  She hadn’t returned the call or told anyone about the kiss. Not her mother, her sisters or especially her nosy brothers and father, who would’ve made way too much out of what had been a rather simple kiss. Except it hadn’t been simple at all. It was the first kiss she’d received since being widowed, and she couldn’t escape the feeling that she’d somehow betrayed Caleb’s memory.

  Of course she knew that was ridiculous. Caleb would be furious at her for moldering away in the home they had loved, still alone after all these years. Her husband was a get-things-done kind of guy who hadn’t stood around waiting for life to find him. He’d gone after his dreams with gusto and passion, including his desire to serve his country.

  If he came back to life for one day and found her stuck in the same place she’d been for almost seven years, he’d kick her ass from one end of Vermont to the other. Hannah knew she had to own the guilt she felt over kissing Nolan and not pass it off as a betrayal of Caleb’s memory. She knew without any shadow of a doubt that her husband had loved her as much as it was possible for a man to love a woman, and he’d want nothing but the very best for her.

  No, the guilt belonged to her alone, and the least she could do was own it. Kissing Nolan had absolutely nothing to do with Caleb. Heck, he would wholeheartedly approve of her seeing Nolan, a man he had respected and considered a close friend. At least she hoped he would. She had no way to know for sure.

  So what was the hang-up? Hannah wished she knew, but she kept coming back to the same excuse time and time again. She wasn’t ready to move on with another man, and she didn’t see any point to leading Nolan on when she wasn’t ready for the things he wanted from her.

  A knock on the window startled Hannah so badly she jumped. With trembling hands, she opened the door.

  “Sorry to scare you. Thought you heard the truck.”

  Hannah couldn’t believe she’d been so lost in thought about all the reasons why she couldn’t have a relationship with this perfectly nice—and totally sexy—man that she hadn’t heard a thing. How had she failed to miss the arrival of the huge tow truck that was now parked at her curb? She got out of the car. “I was . . . um . . .”

  “A million miles away?” he asked with an adorable grin that showcased the deep dimple on the left side of his face. His dark hair was infused with streaks of silver that made him look a bit older than his thirty-five years. But it was his intense brown eyes and the way they seemed to take a full inventory of her features every time she was in close proximity to him that undid her like they always did.

  She felt stripped naked of all her defenses when he looked at her the way he was right now. Hannah cleared her throat. “I guess I was.”

  “A lot on your mind?”

  Desperate for something to do with her hands, she jammed them into her coat pockets. “No more than usual.”

  He stared at her for a long moment, and just as she was about to remind him that he was here to work on her car and not set her on fire with the raw and needy desire she saw in his eyes, he said, “I tried to call you.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry if I was out of line that night. I’ve gone over it and over it, and I can’t believe I took such advantage of the first opportunity you’ve given me—”

  “Nolan! Stop. Don’t say that. You didn’t take advantage of me. I can’t stand that you think you did.” Even though the last thing she wanted was to have this awkward conversation, she couldn’t let him think he’d done something wrong when he hadn’t. “You didn’t.”

  He shook his head, dismissing her words. “I
did take advantage. I’ve waited so long for you, Hannah. You have no idea how long. And the first chance I get, I couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

  Shocked and further unsettled by how disgusted with himself he sounded, she had no idea what to say. How long had he waited? More than seven years? If so, that was news to her. Drawn to him despite her huge desire not to be, she laid a hand on his arm.

  He looked down at her hand and then up at her eyes.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me. I shouldn’t have pulled away from you the way I did because I didn’t want to stop kissing you. I don’t know why I pulled away when that was the last thing I wanted to do.”

  Nolan stood up a little straighter. “Hannah . . .”

  “I’m very confused.”

  “Over what?”

  “How can I want to kiss you one minute but still feel like I’m not ready for any of this in the next minute? I’m not sure what that means.”

  He took a deep breath, as if he was trying to maintain control. “Maybe we could figure that out together.”

  She ventured a look up at him, and her heart did a funny tap dance in her chest that left her breathless. This was not good. This was not at all what she had planned for today. “How do you mean?”

  “Spend some time with me. We can do anything you want. No pressure, no kissing, no nothing unless you want it. I’d be completely happy if I got to hold your hand, Hannah.”

  Unnerved by his urgently spoken words and the kindness behind them, she licked her lips and tried not to notice the way he zeroed in on the movement of her tongue. “Why me?”

  “Hell if I know,” he said with a gruff laugh, “but I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t you.”

  “Wait, so you’re saying—”

  “Forget I said that. The past doesn’t matter. All we have is right now, and I want to be with you, even if we do nothing more than have a meal together every now and then. Would that be possible?”

  “I . . . Um, my car. I have somewhere to be.”

  His lips flattened with displeasure that she regretted causing, but she wasn’t able to answer his question. Not without some time to think about how she felt. She didn’t have a spontaneous bone in her body. Not anymore. Not since Caleb died and took her youth and vitality and hopes and dreams with him.