I Want to Hold Your Hand Read online

  Hannah laughed at his indignant tone. “Did I put you through hell?”

  “No, not really. The only hell was in wondering if you’d ever be ready. I couldn’t believe it when you showed up at the Grange that night, and when you danced with me and let me drive you home and kiss you . . . Whoa, talk about hope.”

  “You can thank Cameron for that. She talked me into going.”

  “Remind me to thank her the next time I see her.”

  “In all the time you spent waiting for me . . . Was there anyone else?”

  “Here and there. Nothing serious.”

  “Have you ever been in love?”

  He turned on his side to face her. “Not like this.”

  The raw emotion in his words and on his face undid her. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you somehow. That I won’t turn out to be what you waited so long to have or I’ll freak out at some point and take a step back or—”

  With his hand cupping the back of her head, he pulled her into a kiss that stole the words off her lips and scrambled her brain. “First of all,” he said when they had no choice but to come up for air, “you are everything I waited so long to have and then some. If you need to freak out, freak out. I’m not going anywhere. If you feel the need to take a step back, tell me and we’ll figure it out. But you should know that after waiting so long to be with you, I’m going to fight like hell to make this work.”

  Aroused by his words and the emotion she heard behind them, Hannah ran a finger down the center of his chest, over his belly and down to where he throbbed against her leg. Curling her hand around his erection, she stroked him gently.

  “What are you up to?” he asked. His voice sounded strained.

  “Nothing much.”

  “That doesn’t feel like nothing much. That feels like you starting something.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  “I don’t want you to be sore, honey. It’s been a while.”

  “I’m okay.” She gave him a little push to get him to turn onto his back. When she had him where she wanted him, she straddled him.

  His fingers pressed into her hips. “I wish you could see how hot you look right now with your hair loose around your shoulders and your lips swollen from kissing me. How can you think you’re not everything I could ever want?” He gripped her hands and held on tight as she took him in, wincing from the stretch and burn. “Are you sore?”

  “A little, but it’s a good kind of sore.”

  “Go slow.” Releasing her hands, he cupped her breasts and ran his thumbs over her nipples. He shuddered when she took him deeper. “Christ, you’re so tight, Hannah.”

  “Is that good?”

  “So good. You have no idea . . .”

  She rolled her hips and took him to the hilt, making both of them moan with the sheer pleasure.

  Nolan cupped her bottom and sat up, positioning her arms and legs around him and bringing his chest in tight against hers. “Oh yeah,” he whispered. “Like that. Just like that.”

  Hannah was swept away on a sea of desire that overtook all her senses. The initial soreness subsided into an ache of a different kind as he guided her with his hands squeezing her bottom as his chest hair abraded her nipples. She managed to hold on until he pressed his fingers to her core and sent her crashing over the edge of release.

  He went with her, holding on tight through the storm.

  Clinging to him in the aftermath, Hannah was filled with gratitude for the second chance she’d been given, for the man who’d waited until she was ready for him and for the gift Caleb’s letter had given her, freeing her to love again.

  CHAPTER 19

  We talk a lot about starting a family, but I’m not sure Caleb is ready. His drinking and partying is something we fight about. He wants to have a baby, but I want a husband who’s a grown-up before I bring a child into our family. It never goes over well when I say that to him, but I’m going to spend enough time raising kids on my own while he’s deployed. When he’s home, I need him to be committed to fatherhood more than he is to having a good time. It’s a source of tension between us that I wish we could resolve.

  —From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age twenty-six

  They never left the room that night or the next day, living off room service and spending most of their time in bed or in the Jacuzzi or the steam shower or on the sofa in front of the fire.

  “Are you ever going to allow me to get dressed again?” Hannah asked late on Saturday afternoon while they cuddled in bed watching a movie neither of them was paying much attention to.

  He ran his hand slowly down her arm and back up again, giving her goose bumps. “Maybe when it’s time to go home, but not before.”

  “I wish we could stay here forever.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because when it’s just you and me, it’s perfect.”

  “You don’t think it’ll be perfect at home?”

  “I’m not sure what to expect when people figure out I’m dating again.”

  “Who cares what they say? It’s been seven years, Hannah. It’s not like you ran right out and got yourself a boyfriend after your husband died.”

  “True, but . . . With the anniversary and road race coming up and Homer’s funeral and everything . . . It’s just . . . It’s a lot on top of everything else.”

  “I know, honey, but I’ll be right there with you for all of it. You don’t have to do it alone anymore—not that you’re ever really alone with that family of yours underfoot.”

  “Why don’t you ever talk about your family?”

  Only because she was sprawled all over him did she feel his muscles go tense under her. “I don’t have a lot of family. You know that. My grandfather raised me.”

  “Where are your parents?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Hannah couldn’t fathom a world in which she didn’t know where her parents were. “You don’t see them?”

  “No.”

  “Do you not want to talk about this?”

  “Not really.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

  “You’re not prying.” He raised his hand to comb the hair back from his face. “But there’s not much to say. They’re not around. They’ve never been around.”

  Hannah sensed a much bigger story, but she didn’t dare pursue it when the subject had clearly upset him.

  “I should probably check in with Skeeter to make sure he hasn’t run me out of business while we’ve been gone.”

  Hannah released him and watched him get up. After spending more than twenty-four hours naked with him, she couldn’t help but notice the return of tension to his shoulders and regretted pushing him to talk about his family.

  He pulled on a clean pair of boxer briefs, retrieved his cell phone from his bag and kept his back to her as he placed the call while standing before the window that looked out over mountains in the distance.

  Chilled by his abrupt withdrawal, Hannah pulled the covers up over her shoulders and waited. She hoped they could recapture the closeness they’d shared before she’d ruined it by bringing up the wrong topic.

  • • •

  “Nolan’s Garage, Skeeter speaking.”

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  “What’s up, boss man? Didn’t expect to hear from you until Monday.”

  That was because Nolan had told him he wouldn’t hear from him until Monday, but when Hannah asked him about his parents, he went immediately into the protective mode he’d relied on most of his life. He didn’t talk about his parents—ever, even with Hannah.

  “Just checking in to make sure you haven’t burned the place down or anything.”

  “We had just a small fire, but I got it contained before it did too much damage.”

  “Very funny.”

  “I know, right? Dude says I’m hilarious.”

  Nolan rolled his eyes. “Anything else?”

  “I’m not sure if I should tell you this or not, but Gavin Gut
hrie was here looking for you. Seemed upset. I told him you’d be back on Monday.”

  Feeling like he’d been electrocuted or something equally unpleasant, Nolan swallowed hard. “What’d he say?”

  “Just that he wanted to talk to you, and he’d be back on Monday. Should I not have told you that?”

  Honestly, Nolan could’ve done without that news, but he didn’t say so to Skeeter. “It’s fine. Thanks for covering for me.”

  “No problem.”

  Nolan ended the call and returned the phone to his bag, his mind spinning with concern over Gavin, who was another of Nolan’s good friends. He wasn’t as close to Gavin as he’d been to Caleb, but he’d known him forever, and they’d run around in a giant mob since they were kids.

  “What’s wrong?” Hannah asked.

  He turned to find her watching him with those amazingly expressive eyes that saw all the way through him. And wasn’t that what had made him go into protective mode earlier? Should he tell her about Gavin’s visit or wait to hear what Gavin wanted before he potentially upset her?

  While he leaned toward the latter option, he didn’t want to disappoint her by keeping things from her. He went to sit on the edge of the bed. “Gavin came by the garage. Skeeter said he seemed upset.”

  “Oh no . . . What should we do?” She sat up, clutching the covers to her breasts.

  “I know it’s difficult to consider how this—you and me—might affect other people, especially people like Gavin and his parents. But we haven’t done anything wrong, Hannah. It would kill me if you thought we had.”

  “I don’t, but I also can’t bear the thought of him being upset over something I did.”

  “Something we both did.” He watched her carefully, pained by the distress he saw in her eyes. “Do you want to go home?”

  She thought about it long enough that he was convinced she would say yes. “No, not until tomorrow. Should I call him? What should I do?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know . . .”

  “Tell you what—let’s go out to dinner and take some time to think about it, and you can see how you feel afterward.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “I’ll call downstairs and see about a reservation in the restaurant. The food is supposed to be excellent. Is that okay?”

  “Sure.”

  She went along with his plan, but he could tell she was undone by the news about Gavin. For the first time since they arrived, they showered separately and got dressed in silence. He wanted to assure her he’d take care of the situation with Gavin, and he would, but he didn’t think that would be enough to soothe her. Still, he wanted to offer her something . . .

  “Whatever’s up with Gavin, I’ll handle it.”

  “I don’t expect you to handle it. He’s my brother-in-law. If anyone should handle it, it should be me.”

  “He came to see me,” Nolan reminded her, “which means his beef is most likely with me—not you.”

  “So you’re saying I’m not involved? It’s got nothing to do with me?”

  “I never said that.” As his frustration mounted, he forced buttons through buttonholes on his shirt. “Why are we fighting about this?”

  “We’re not fighting. We’re talking.”

  It felt like fighting to him, but he wasn’t going to make things worse by saying so. Hannah emerged from the bathroom wearing sexy black pants with a ruffled red silk blouse. Black high-heeled sandals brought her to his shoulder.

  “You look gorgeous,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  They left the room in uneasy silence that stayed with them into the dining room, where they were seated at a corner table with a view of the fireplace. As Hannah studied the menu, he noticed her brows were knit with tension and dismay. He hated himself for telling her about Gavin’s visit to the garage. That could’ve waited until they got back to Butler.

  “Hannah.”

  She glanced at him over the top of the menu.

  “Could we please call a truce until we get home tomorrow, when we’ll figure out a plan to talk to Gavin together?”

  Her shoulders seemed to lose some of their rigidity. “Yes.” She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth before glancing up to meet his gaze. “As long as you understand I don’t ever want to be treated like the helpless woman who can’t fight her own battles or needs to be protected from unpleasant things. I’m not that woman.”

  “I know. There’s nothing helpless about you, but can you blame me for wanting to protect you from any more hurt after what you’ve already endured?” He took her hand and cradled it between both of his. “When I told you I love you, I meant it. I’d do anything to spare you further grief.”

  “And I love you for that and many other things. But you can’t protect me from the people I love, and Gavin is someone I love and care about. I’m so mad at myself for not telling him about us when I saw him the other day. I should’ve told him then. It should’ve come from me, not his parents. I was so caught up in everything . . .” She shook her head in disgust.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Hannah. You have a right to be happy without feeling like you have to explain it to everyone.”

  “I don’t feel like I have to explain it to everyone, but I should’ve explained it to him.”

  “Maybe.”

  “For the first couple of months after Caleb died,” she said haltingly, “I had trouble being around Gavin.”

  “Because he looks so much like Caleb.”

  She nodded. “He wanted to help me and needed to share his grief with me, but I . . . I couldn’t bear to hear the voice that was so much like the one I’d never hear again. I turned away from him out of self-preservation, which was just another hurt on top of everything else for him. It took a very long time for us to get back on track after that.”

  “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” Filled with regret, Nolan brought her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips over her knuckles. “No wonder it hit you so hard to hear that he’d been looking for me.”

  “It hit me harder to hear he’s upset.”

  “I hate to see you beating yourself up over this. We haven’t actually been seeing each other all that long, and it’s perfectly fair to take a little time to ourselves before we tell the world.”

  “In most cases, I’d agree with you, but this is different.”

  “I know.”

  When they ordered dinner—steak for him and salmon for her—he asked for another bottle of champagne.

  Hannah gave him a wary look. “More champagne? This weekend is going to cost a fortune.”

  “It’s money very well spent. And we need more champagne to continue celebrating what we’ve found together. No matter what happens or what gets thrown our way, we’ll figure it out, okay?”

  Her eyes were bright with tears when she said, “Okay.”

  The waiter returned with the champagne and uncorked the bottle. Without losing a drop he filled two crystal flutes and then left the bottle in an ice bucket next to the table.

  Nolan raised his glass to her. “Here’s to you and me and figuring it out together.”

  Hannah touched her glass to his and held his gaze as she took the first sip.

  “It’s all going to be okay,” he said. “I promise.”

  • • •

  After dinner, they wandered into the lounge where a trio was playing jazz, and the dance floor was crowded with swaying couples.

  “Let’s dance,” Nolan said, taking her hand and leading her to the front of the big room.

  Hannah went along with him, even though she wasn’t really in the mood to dance. But he was trying to salvage their weekend, and after he’d gone to so much trouble to provide a much-needed getaway, she wasn’t about to spoil it.

  Nolan’s arms came around her, reminding her of the first time they’d danced together weeks ago at the Grange. She felt the same sense of “rightness” she’d experienced then. Their bodies fit togeth
er as if they’d been made for each other, which she’d discovered this weekend didn’t just apply to dancing. He was a thoughtful, considerate, sensual lover, who reawakened a part of her she’d thought gone forever.

  “What’re you thinking about?”

  “You really want to know?”

  “I really want to know.”

  “I’m thinking about how well we fit together, and not just when we’re dancing.”

  His groan rumbled through her chest and sent a flurry of sensation from her ear to her nipples, settling in a throb between her legs.

  “You said you wanted to know.”

  His arms tightened around her, and his erection pressed into her belly, telling her what her words had done to him. One of his hands slid lower, and she felt the press of his fingers against the top curve of her bottom.

  With her arms curled around his neck, she looked up at him expectantly.

  He came through with a kiss that made her knees go weak. “Let’s get out of here,” he whispered in her ear.

  “Yes, please.”

  Her hand encased in his tight grip, Hannah followed him from the lounge, her gaze dropping to the appealing way the black jeans molded to his muscular backside and legs. He seemed to be a man on a mission as he walked them swiftly back to the room where they’d already shared so many blissful hours.

  They were barely inside the door when he had her pressed against it, his mouth devouring her in a series of deep, sweeping kisses. Hannah buried her hand in his hair to hold him in place. And then his hands were on her bottom, lifting her against his hardness.

  A needy, urgent sound escaped from their joined lips, and she wasn’t sure if it came from him or her. She went to work on his shirt buttons, pulling and tugging. One of them came popping off, making her gasp. “Whoops,” she said against his lips. “I’ll sew it back on for you.”

  “I don’t care,” he said gruffly, his hands slipping under the hem of her blouse to tug it up and over her head. His eyes went dark with desire when he saw the lacy black bra she wore under it. “You’re so incredible, Hannah. Do you have any idea how much I want you?” His lips skimmed her neck. “And not just like this. In every way. All the time.”