Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel Read online

  I hold his gaze, realizing the importance of this moment. If I give him that, I’ll be crossing a line that can’t be uncrossed.

  “The choice is always yours, honey,” he says softly. “You have all the power here. Do you understand?”

  I swallow hard and lick my lips, drawing his fierce gaze to my mouth. “Yes, Sir. I understand.”

  “Good.” He bends over me. His lips skimming against my inner thigh make me want to beg for more, but I sense that begging will only prolong the agony.

  His broad shoulders force my legs apart, until I’m spread before him like a sacrifice.

  I’m still bare from the chemo. The hair never grew back, not that I’m complaining, and judging from the way Kristian stares at me, he has no complaints either.

  “Tell me this belongs to me—and only me.”

  “It’s yours,” I say breathlessly. “It’s all yours.”

  A low growl rumbles through him, and my hips jerk, wanting him closer. If he doesn’t do something—anything—soon, I’m going to lose it. “Is my baby feeling needy?”

  “God, yes,” I say in a voice that doesn’t even sound like me. “Please, Kristian…”

  “What’s my name here?”

  “Sir. Please, Sir.”

  “Tell me what you want.”

  I want to cry from frustration and need and the clawing, craving desire that’s all new to me. I’m so wet and hot and achy. “I want your tongue. And your fingers.”

  “Where?”

  Realizing he’s going to make me say it is like dumping gas on the already out-of-control flame burning inside me. “I want your tongue and fingers in me…”

  “I always want you to tell me what you need. Will you do that?”

  Though it doesn’t come naturally to say such things out loud, I bite my lip and nod. With each minute, I begin to get a better idea of what it’ll be like to be intimate with him, to be dominated by him. And though I’m uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed by the things he makes me say and do, I want more.

  He strokes me first with his fingers, sliding them through the flood between my legs and then driving them into me, curling them to reach the spot deep inside that makes me cry out from the overload of sensation that hits me all at once.

  “Shhhh,” he says. “Don’t wake the kids before I make you come at least twice.”

  The noise that comes out of me is barely human. Then he adds his tongue, and I’m completely lost to him, ruined for any man who isn’t him. His tongue is everywhere, licking in long strokes that make me crazy. Then he sucks my clit into his mouth and runs his tongue back and forth, taking me right to the brink of release before backing off, leaving me panting and sweaty.

  “So hot and sweet and tight,” he whispers, fucking me with his fingers while ruining me with his tongue.

  “Please…” His arm across my hips ramps up the desperation because I can’t do anything to ease the ache.

  “Is this what you want?” he asks, sucking on my clit as he drives his fingers into me again.

  I detonate. That’s the only word I can think of to describe the explosion that rocks me, taking me right out of myself and into a realm I never knew existed. I come down slowly, and the first thing I’m aware of is Kristian kissing away my tears while his fingers continue to move in me, milking the last waves of the epic orgasm.

  I’m blinded by the tears that keep coming.

  “Talk to me, baby. Tell me you’re okay.”

  My lips are dry, so I lick them and look up to find him watching me now with concern rather than desire. “I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Nodding, I reach for him and bring him down on top of me, even as his fingers are still lodged deep inside me.

  “Did it feel good?”

  I laugh, because how can he ask me that? “If it felt any better, I might not have survived it.”

  “That’s just the beginning,” he says, nuzzling my neck and ear, which starts the slow burn all over again, as if my body didn’t just do something I would’ve thought impossible an hour ago.

  “I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.”

  “I want to fuck you so bad. I’ve never wanted anyone like this.”

  “Do it. Right now.” I’ve clearly lost my mind, but I can’t be bothered to think about any of the many reasons why we shouldn’t. Not when he’s big and strong and hard in my arms, his erection throbbing against my belly.

  “Not here. When I fuck you for the first time, I want to be completely alone with you.”

  I sob at the thought of having to wait days to feel him inside me, stretching me.

  “We need to talk birth control. Are you on it?”

  “I have an IUD to deal with my erratic periods.” I don’t mention the nonhormonal IUD also reduces my risk of cervical and endometrial cancer. Nothing kills a mood faster than the C word, and I’ve had enough of that word to last me a lifetime.

  “Thank Christ, because I don’t want to have to use condoms. Not with you. I’ve never had sex with anyone without a condom. Ever. Tomorrow, I’ll get you proof that I’m clean.”

  That he wants me to be the first woman he has sex with without a condom fills me with elation, especially knowing what I do about his sexual proclivities.

  He curls his fingers inside me, reminding me he’s not finished with me yet. Just that quickly, I’m right back to the edge of release. “I want another one.”

  “I’m not sure I can.”

  His low rumble of laughter does wondrous things for his handsome face and lights up his eyes. I like that happy, joyful look on him and want to see it more often. He’s so serious and intense most of the time. “Is that a challenge?”

  “I already know better than to challenge you.”

  “Oh, but I so love a challenge. You wouldn’t want to deny me, would you?”

  I would deny him nothing, but it’s probably too soon to say so. I just shake my head and let my legs fall open, inviting him to do whatever he wants to me. If the first time was about ravenous hunger, this time is all slow seduction. His fingers and tongue work in concert to keep me climbing, the orgasm growing and multiplying with every stroke. He keeps it up until I’m about to explode, and then, very subtly, he removes a finger from my pussy and presses it against my ass, demanding entry.

  I explode. The second time is somehow greater than the first, if that’s even possible. Every muscle in my body—hell, every cell in my body—is fully engaged, and when I begin to recover my senses, I discover his finger is firmly planted in my ass. The discovery triggers a second wave that he fully exploits, leaving me a quivering mess in the aftermath.

  “So fucking hot,” he whispers as he uses his free hand to stroke his cock until he comes all over my belly. “I can’t wait to be inside you when that happens.”

  I can only whimper in response. He’s demolished me, and we haven’t even had sex yet.

  He withdraws from me slowly, making me cry out again from the overwhelming sensations that rocket through me. He gets up and goes into the bathroom. I hear water running before he returns with a warm washcloth that he uses to clean me up. When he’s finished, he puts a hand on either side of my hips and stares down at me, as if trying to drink me in.

  “I’ve had every kind of sex a person can have,” he says bluntly. “And this, with you, was the hottest sex I’ve had with anyone.”

  His raw confession makes my heart ache with something that feels an awful lot like love. “And we haven’t even actually had sex yet.” I go for levity in a desperate effort to recover my equilibrium.

  A pulse of tension in his cheek has me running my finger over it, wanting to ease him.

  “Saturday night… Yes?”

  “I’ll want to meet the sitter ahead of time.”

  “I’ll have Lori set that up.”

  “And I want to pay her.”

  “You’re not paying her. I invited you. I’m paying her.”

  “They’re my kids!”
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  “I’m paying.”

  “Are you going to try to dominate me outside the bedroom, too?”

  “Not at all, but some things are nonnegotiable. This is one of them.”

  When I begin to protest, he lays a finger over my lips. “Let me do this. I need to be able to do things for you and the kids. It makes me happy to do things for you—and them.”

  I sense that not a lot has made him truly happy in his life, so I’m loath to argue the point. “Within reason.”

  He flashes a victorious smile that has me wondering if I just made a huge mistake.

  Chapter 12

  I carry the time I spent in Aileen’s bed with me through the insanely busy day that follows those blissful hours. She’s all I can think about. I relive every minute a thousand times and have the erection to prove it. I spend most of the day sitting behind my desk or at a conference room table, hoping no one notices my agitated state.

  At noon, I text her because I can’t wait another minute. Pizza and games at my place tonight?

  We’d love that. What time and what can I bring?

  Six thirty and only you and the kids.

  Send me the address again.

  I text the address and instructions for accessing the garage, giving her the code that will admit her to my building. Only Jasper, Hayden, Flynn and Marlowe have that code. And now Aileen has it, too.

  Through an endless afternoon of meetings and phone calls and details, I count the hours until I can get the hell out of here and be with her again.

  Flynn knocks on my door shortly after five. “You got a minute?”

  “Yep.”

  We spent a big chunk of today talking logistics for the film we are making about Natalie’s story.

  Flynn closes the door.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I owe you an apology.”

  “What for?”

  “Nat told me that she gave Aileen the 411 on you and the BDSM. She shouldn’t have done that, and I told her so.”

  “It’s fine,” I say, waving away his apology. “She saved us a lot of time and angst by filling in the blanks for Aileen.”

  “Still, it wasn’t her story to tell.”

  “Aileen said Natalie didn’t want us to go through what Hayden and Addie did when he refused to let her into that part of his life. She does make a good point. We’re all about the communication in our lifestyle, and yet we have the hardest time telling new people.”

  “You’re taking this better than I thought you would. We all know how fiercely private you are.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “You take it to a whole other level. After fifteen years, sometimes I feel like I don’t know you any better than I did the day I met you.”

  “You know the things that matter.”

  “Do I?”

  “What’s this about, Flynn?” I feel cornered, and I don’t care for that feeling. It brings back too many memories I’d sooner forget.

  “Nothing. I just wanted to apologize.”

  “No need. It’s all good.”

  “So you and Aileen…”

  “Night, Flynn,” I say, forcing a smile.

  “Just tell me one thing…”

  I raise a brow in inquiry.

  “You’re being careful with her, right?”

  The implication that I wouldn’t be infuriates me. “Good night, Flynn.” This time I say it without the smile.

  Thankfully, he lets it go and leaves with a wave.

  Why am I so damned mad that he felt the need to ask me that? I know he’s only looking out for his and Natalie’s friend, but still… It’s offensive that he felt he needed to ask. But when I think about all the things he’s seen me do with other women, the fury dissipates as quickly as it formed. He has every good reason to be concerned for his friend, and I can’t blame him for putting me on notice that I’ll answer to him if any harm comes to her at my hand.

  That won’t happen. I’d rather die than cause her harm.

  I text him. Sorry for being a dick. She’s safe with me. I promise.

  All good, he replies.

  My concentration is totally blown, and I can’t wait another hour and a half to see her. I text her. Cutting out of work early if you want to come sooner.

  We’ll leave in ten.

  I grab my keys and phone, leaving the piles of work I’d normally bring home with me. Fuck work. I have far better things to do tonight than work.

  Lori looks up with surprise when I emerge from my office about two hours earlier than usual.

  “Will you call this in for me?” I hand her a piece of paper where I’ve written the number of the pizza place and the order for a large cheese, a large veggie and a house salad.

  “That’s a lot for one person,” she says, giving me a curious look that I ignore.

  “Did you ask Cecilia to call my friend?”

  “It’s all set. She’s going over there tomorrow to meet her and her kids. And she’s thrilled to have the chance to make some extra money.”

  “Tell her it can be a regular thing if she wants it to be.”

  “I’m sure she will. She has hideous student loans.” Lori props her chin on her upturned fist, settling in for a good gossip session that I have every intention of avoiding. “Does someone have a girlfriend?”

  “Oh damn.” I check my watch. “Look at the time. Gotta run. Call in that order.”

  “Yes, sir, Bossman.”

  When she calls me sir, it does nothing for me. But when Aileen did it last night… Stop or you’ll be hard before you get on the elevator.

  It seems every Quantum employee has a question for me that has to be answered before I reach the elevator and press the Down button, determined to make my escape without further delay.

  The doors open, and Addie walks out, looking flushed. Her lips are swollen, and there’s a bite mark on her neck.

  “Oh, hey, Kris.”

  “Addison. Are you coming from the directors’ suite by any chance?”

  “How’d you know?” she asks, having the good sense to look a little guilty.

  Laughing, I shake my head. She’s made Hayden so damned happy that what do I care if they’re taking a little “break” at the end of the workday? Addie keeps Flynn ruthlessly organized and has done wonders for Hayden’s surly disposition. That makes her one of our VIP employees. “It’s written all over your face—and your neck.” I kiss her forehead and get on the elevator. “Have a good night.”

  She sticks her hand between the doors to keep them from closing. “Tenley has an appointment with Aileen tomorrow. I told her to give Aileen the full treatment, including hair, nails and makeup. Hope that’s okay.”

  “That’s what I wanted. Thank you.”

  “Not a problem. Flynn tells me I’m excellent at spending other people’s money.”

  “You have to do what you’re good at.”

  “Exactly! Can you tell him that?”

  “I’ll make a point of it.”

  “I know we’re not talking about this, but I’m really happy for you and Aileen.”

  “Don’t jinx us.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” She removes her hand, and the doors close.

  On the ride to the ground floor, I realize I’m smiling like a crazy loon as an unfamiliar feeling bubbles up inside me. What the hell is that? Whatever it is, I’ve never experienced it before, but it sure does feel good.

  The kids are almost as excited as I am to go to Kristian’s for pizza and to play in the game room that Logan tells me is “sick.” I didn’t see it the last time we were there. Flynn took the kids upstairs while I stayed with Natalie, Addie, Ellie and Marlowe downstairs. Of course, Kristian was there, too, which is the primary reason I never made it upstairs.

  Traffic is a beast, and the slow crawl into town gives me far too much time to relive last night for the three thousandth time. I’ve been distracted and off my game with the kids today, which of course they noticed.

  Loga
n keeps eyeing me, even now that we are in the car.

  At a stop light, I glance over at him. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Are you lying?”

  “No.”

  “Logan…”

  “Are you sick again?”

  “What? No! I feel great.”

  “Oh.” He deflates before my eyes, as if he’s releasing a breath he’s been holding all day. “That’s good.”

  I glance in the rearview mirror to make sure Maddie still has her headphones on as she watches Frozen for the millionth time on the iPad. “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You can’t tell anyone.”

  “Duh, Mom. I know what a secret is.” The words drip with disdain that makes me wonder what the teenage years will be like.

  “What would you say if I told you Mr. Kristian might actually be my boyfriend now?”

  “That’s cool. I told you before that I like him.”

  I glance over at him, noting the wistfulness in his expression.

  “What’re you thinking?”

  “That it might be nice to have a dad. Someday.”

  Oh God. He breaks my heart. “It’s still very new. But today, when I was kind of zoning out—”

  “Kind of?” he asks with a goofy grin.

  “Okay, totally zoning out… I was thinking about him.”

  “That’s a lot better than you being sick again and not wanting to tell us.”

  “Yes, it certainly is.” I reach for his hand and curl my fingers around his. “Don’t worry about me getting sick again, okay? Everything is fine, and I’d tell you if it wasn’t.” Telling them the first time around was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

  “Okay.”

  “So you don’t care if I have a boyfriend?”

  “I don’t care. I want you to be happy.”

  “I’m happy with you and Maddie.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Yes, it is,” and I’m stunned that my nine-year-old already knows that there’re different kinds of happy.

  We arrive at Kristian’s building a short time later, and it takes me a minute to find the entrance to the parking garage. I lean out the window to punch in the code he gave me, and the door opens to admit us. I park in an empty space.