It's Only Love Read online

  “That boy is in pain,” Elmer said.

  “I thought the same thing.”

  “There’s more to this than unhappiness at work.”

  “Wasn’t he seeing someone for a while there?” Elmer asked.

  “I thought so. I’ll see what Hunter knows. They’re tight.”

  “We’re going to want to keep an eye on our Grayson.”

  “You read my mind.”

  * * *

  Driving back to Ella’s place, Gavin thought about her family and how they were always fun to be around. The joking, the good-natured teasing, the obvious love they had for each other combined to give Gavin a sense of well-being that had been sorely lacking in his life of late. There was something about the Abbotts. You couldn’t help but be sucked in by them, in the best possible way.

  “Thanks for signing up to help at the tree farm,” Ella said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know I didn’t. It sounds fun, though, and you’ll be there, so it can’t be all bad.”

  She smiled, but he couldn’t help but notice she seemed troubled by something.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Sure,” she said. “Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. You seem . . . off . . . since we left your parents’ place.”

  She had no reply to that, which set his nerves on edge. What could’ve happened in the time they spent with her family? He supposed she’d tell him if she wanted to. It amazed him to realize how badly he wanted to be privy to her thoughts. Was she happy? Was she worried? Did she regret taking him to dinner? Had someone warned her away from him? That wouldn’t surprise him. It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve to come with a warning label attached to him—may be hazardous to your health and emotional well-being.

  As he pulled up to Ella’s house and parked behind her car, it occurred to him that having his truck here all night would be equivalent to telling the town of Butler they were sleeping together. “I’m going to run home for a minute, but I’ll be right back. If you still want me.”

  “Yes, I still want you. Hurry back.”

  He leaned over to kiss her. “I will.” Gavin waited until she was inside before he pulled out of her driveway and headed home. Once there, he packed a bag with a change of clothes and his toothbrush and was heading for the door when the house phone rang. He took the call from his mother.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hi, honey. How are you?”

  “I’m good. You?”

  “Busy with the inn, but we’re enjoying it.”

  Running the inn that Hannah had opened for war widows had given his parents a new purpose that they’d badly needed. “Glad to hear it’s going well.”

  “Dad and I were saying tonight it’s been weeks since the three of us had dinner. Want to come tomorrow night? I’ll make ribs for you.”

  “Mmm, ribs.” Even though he’d just eaten a huge meal, his mouth watered at the thought of his mother’s ribs. “You know how to get my attention.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Could I bring a friend?”

  His question was met with dead silence on the other end of the line.

  “Mom?”

  “A female friend?” The hope he heard in her voice was like a punch to the gut, making him realize how little reason he’d given her to be hopeful where he was concerned.

  “Yes, a female friend.”

  “Of course you can bring her. Anyone we know?”

  “You know her.”

  “That’s it? That’s all I’m getting?”

  “Until tomorrow.”

  “Gavin, come on! You can’t leave me hanging for twenty-four hours.”

  “It’ll be here before you know it,” he said, smiling. He’d smiled more today than he had in years.

  “This is just mean.”

  That made him laugh. “Patience, Mother.”

  “Is this . . . Is it something serious?”

  “Could be. It’s new, so don’t get too excited just yet.”

  “I’m already excited that you like her enough to bring her here.”

  “I like her a lot. I have for a long time.”

  “Gavin Michael Guthrie! You are torturing your mother!”

  His dad chimed in from the extension. “Hey, Gav, why are you torturing your mother?”

  “Because I asked to bring a friend to dinner tomorrow, and she needs to know right now who it is.”

  “So do I,” his dad said, making Gavin laugh.

  “See you guys tomorrow! Gotta run.”

  “Gavin!”

  “Love you.” He hung up laughing, which was another thing he’d done a lot of today. It felt good to have something to laugh and smile about again. It felt good to give his parents something to look forward to. It felt good to be around Ella, to be able to touch her and kiss her and not have to pretend any longer that he wasn’t crazy about her.

  In particular, it felt good to not be so twisted up in knots of grief and rage as he’d been so much of the time lately. The downward spiral had come on quickly following the one-two punch of Homer dying followed by Hannah’s remarriage. He’d been doing fine. He would’ve said he’d gotten “over” his brother’s death, if that were even possible. His life was orderly, if a bit boring. He worked long hours and made sure to see a lot of his parents. If every day was a lot like the day before, that was fine.

  Then Homer died. Gavin could still remember the absolute devastation of hearing that his brother’s beloved companion was gone. As ridiculous as it might seem to some, it had been like losing Caleb all over again. The three of them had been constant companions in college and whenever Caleb was home on leave from the army. His brother had been absolutely crazy about the mutt he’d found by the side of the road, and the mutt had been equally crazy about Caleb.

  The funeral Hannah had held for Homer had been perfect and poignant and yet another reminder that his brother was gone forever. Saying good-bye to Homer had been like saying good-bye to Caleb again, and Gavin had found the entire day to be unbearable—except for the brief respite he’d found with Ella on the porch swing. Talking to her and sharing his pain with her had somehow made it easier than it would’ve been otherwise.

  Around the time Homer died, Gavin had found out that Hannah and Nolan were dating. He’d reacted badly to that news and still regretted the way he’d treated two people he loved. After all they’d been through, Hannah was like a sister to him, and Nolan had been a close friend to him and Caleb since they first landed in Butler in middle school. Hannah and Nolan had deserved better than what they’d gotten from him, and he considered himself extremely fortunate that they’d both accepted his apologies.

  Their wedding day, however, had been far more difficult than Gavin had expected it to be. Seeing Caleb’s Hannah marry someone else, even a man he and his brother loved and respected, had been excruciating for him. He’d kissed Ella that day, and then totally screwed it up by pushing her away. The downward spiral that followed had come upon him fast and furious, erasing years of progress.

  Yeah, he’d been batting a thousand lately. And now, despite all the reasons why she shouldn’t, Ella had given him this amazing opportunity to spend time with her, to see if what had been simmering between them for years might now turn into something lasting.

  He had the worst fear that if he screwed things up with her, any chance he had to be truly happy would be lost forever. Not to mention the toll it would take on her if their fledgling relationship turned into another disaster. He couldn’t let that happen.

  With his backpack on his shoulder, he locked up his house and headed across the yard to the big steel building where he kept the trucks and equipment for his logging company. He punched in the code that deactivated the alarm system and opened one of the big doors. Inside, he walked past the trucks with the Guthrie L
ogging name on the doors to the back corner of the big building.

  Gavin pulled the tarp off his vintage Harley and wheeled it outside, closing the door behind him and resetting the alarm. Sitting astride the powerful bike, Gavin strapped on the helmet he wouldn’t have bothered with before his brother was killed and his parents were left with only him. Now he didn’t take chances with his safety the way he had before.

  Before. And after. His life was divided neatly into two halves.

  He fired up the bike and headed back to town, eager to be with Ella, to experience the sense of calm that came over him whenever she was close by. Navigating the winding roads between his home on the northern end of Butler and hers closer to town, Gavin knew a rare moment of excitement and anticipation.

  He thought about what she’d told him earlier about wanting a big family. In the last few years, he’d been so focused on building his business that he hadn’t spent much time thinking about getting married or having a family. But now that he’d decided to take this chance with her, neither of those things seemed out of reach.

  They were a long way from big decisions, but the fact that those things were even possible filled him with another emotion that had been in short supply recently—hope. He had something to look forward to. He had a reason to get up in the morning that didn’t revolve around his work. He had someone who cared about him—probably more than she should, not that he was complaining. He had someone counting on him for more than a paycheck in the case of his employees and an occasional visit in the case of his parents.

  He pulled into Ella’s driveway and parked the bike in front of her car where it couldn’t be easily seen from the street. Bringing his helmet with him, he went up the stairs to her apartment and knocked on the door.

  When the door opened, his mind went blank and his mouth went dry at the sight of her in a slinky sexy robe, her long dark hair shining like always. Behind her, the apartment was aglow with light from candles and the fireplace.

  She reached for his free hand. “Come in.”

  Struck dumb by the sight of her, he followed her inside, dropping his helmet and backpack inside the door.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, gazing up at him with her heart in her eyes. She always looked at him that way, and he hoped she always would. He hoped he never gave her a reason to look at him any other way but with love and affection in her gaze.

  “You look . . . God, Ella, you’re beautiful.”

  “You should see yourself in that leather jacket with the bike helmet tucked under your arm. H-O-T. I didn’t even know you had a motorcycle.”

  “I didn’t want to leave the truck with the Guthrie Logging logo on the side in your driveway overnight. We don’t need everyone talking about us until we’re ready for them to talk.”

  She unzipped his coat and slid her arms around his waist inside the coat. “Thank you for thinking of that.”

  Gavin returned her embrace, the sense of relief at being back in her arms profound. He was further relieved that whatever seemed to be bothering her earlier had apparently passed. “No problem.”

  “Will you take me for a ride on the bike sometime?”

  “Any time you want. It looks nice in here.”

  “I was afraid it was too much. I blew out all the candles, and then I relit them. I was about to blow them out again when I heard you coming up the stairs.”

  Unable to resist for another minute, he leaned in to kiss her. “It’s not too much. It’s just right.”

  Ella tugged on his jacket. “Take this off. Come get comfortable.”

  Gavin did as directed and then followed her to the sofa. “You build a good fire.”

  “We were trained at an early age.”

  “That was one of the first things we learned how to do when we moved here.”

  “You want a beer or some of your ice cream or anything?”

  He shook his head. “There is one thing I want . . .”

  “What’s that?” Her cheeks were flushed with color, her lips parted and her eyes bright with happiness. At least he hoped it was that. He wanted to make her happy.

  Leaning in again, he kissed her. “More of this.”

  Her arms came around him, drawing him closer to her.

  Gavin went willingly, feeling like a starving man who’d finally found sustenance after a long, difficult journey. She was so soft and fragrant and responsive. He’d noticed that the first time he kissed her—the way she’d leaned into him, participating fully like now when her tongue rubbed up against his.

  He flattened his hand over her belly and then tugged playfully on the tie to her robe. “What’s under here?”

  Breathless from the kiss, Ella said, “Why don’t you untie it and find out?”

  He glanced at her, seeming to gauge whether she was serious.

  She was serious. Dead serious.

  Gavin tugged at the silk tie, which gave easily. The robe fell open to reveal the matching silk nightgown she wore underneath. “Wow.”

  CHAPTER 8

  Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.

  —Samuel Smiles

  Ella was on fire for Gavin. She’d never felt anything remotely like what she did when he was holding her and touching her this way. This, right here, was why no other man had done it for her. It was why she’d waited for him. Mustering her courage, she placed her hand on top of his and guided it up to cup her breast.

  She wanted to whimper from the sweet pleasure that coursed through her, and then he caught her nipple between his thumb and index finger, making her gasp. “Gavin . . .”

  “What, honey? Talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

  Wrapping her hand around his nape, she guided his mouth to her breast. He took the hint, suckling her nipple through the silk of her gown until it was hard and tight.

  Fisting his hair, she held him in place, hoping he would never stop. She squirmed under him, trying to get closer, and felt his erection press against her leg. Ella wanted to touch him there. She wanted to touch him everywhere.

  Then he was sliding the strap of her gown down her arm to bare her breast to his lips and tongue. God, she’d never felt anything better than the rasp of his whiskers against her sensitive skin. The tug of his lips on her nipple made her want to forget all about propriety and taking it slow and guarding her heart. She was prepared, right in that moment, to give him everything.

  Her breasts were on the smaller side, but incredibly sensitive, never more so than right now.

  He shifted so he hovered above her, freeing her other breast from her gown and giving it the same attention.

  She loved the sight of him bent over her, worshiping her, his soft dark hair and work-roughened hands touching her fevered skin as he licked and sucked and tugged on her nipples. The weight of his body kept her pinned to the sofa, unable to move, unable to address the thrum of desire between her legs. All she could do was clutch handfuls of his hair while he kept up the sensual torture.

  “So beautiful,” he whispered. “I’ve always thought so.”

  Hearing that, her overly involved heart soared with hope. “I’ve always thought you were, too. I wish you knew how often I’ve had to remind myself not to stare when you’re around.”

  He looked up at her for a brief second before he kissed her.

  As he kissed her, she began to unbutton his shirt, desperate for the feel of his skin against hers. When the last button sprang free, she pushed the shirt aside and pulled him down on top of her.

  The contact of his chest hair against her breasts once again left them both stunned.

  “God, that feels good,” he whispered gruffly.

  “So good.”

  “Ella . . . I’m trying to go slow and not pounce on you the first second I’m allowed to, but I . . . I really want to.”


  “I do, too. I want what you want.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh at that question and the earnest way in which he asked it. “Yes, Gavin, I’m sure. I’ve been sure forever, or so it seems. I don’t remember not being sure where you’re concerned.” It was a ridiculously vulnerable statement, but she didn’t regret speaking the truth. He was her truth.

  “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”

  “Are you going to make it worth the wait?”

  “I really hope so.” He pushed himself up and off her and then extended a hand.

  Ella tugged her gown back up over her breasts and took the hand he offered.

  “Which way to your room?”

  She pointed.

  “We’re going to need some of these candles, I think.”

  Ella picked up two of the candles she’d lit earlier. Her heart beat so hard and so fast that she worried she might pass out or hyperventilate or do some other embarrassing thing like swoon. She was taking Gavin Guthrie to bed with her, and this time she knew exactly what would happen. But surely this couldn’t really be happening. It had to be a figment of her overactive imagination.

  But then his hands were on her hips and his lips on her neck as he followed her into the bedroom.

  This was really happening. It was too soon, and yet nowhere near soon enough at the same time. How could it be too soon to do something she’d wanted forever? The official relationship was new. The attraction, the friendship, the spark, the love . . . None of that was new.

  In fact, they’d been building to this inevitable moment since they’d kissed on the beach last summer and in every encounter since then, even if most of them hadn’t ended the way she’d wanted them to. He was it for her. She’d had no doubt about that for a long, lonely time.

  No way in hell would she do anything other than exactly what she’d wanted to for ages now.

  She placed the candles on the bedside table and turned to him, her breath catching in her throat at how sexy he looked with his shirt unbuttoned and hanging open, his jaw covered in the stubble she loved so much, his lips swollen from their kisses and his hair mussed from her hands.