How Much I Feel Read online

  “Thanks for trying,” Carmen says.

  Great. Another six hundred bucks out the window. Good thing I work so much that I hardly ever spend any money. The Porsche is my one significant indulgence. My apartment in New York is a studio because I’m hardly ever there. I gesture for Carmen to lead the way out of the interrogation room.

  The officer escorts us to the main door and sees us out.

  We head in the direction of the impound lot.

  “I have déjà vu.”

  Carmen laughs. “I know. Me, too. I’m sorry about all of this. I should’ve just called an Uber for Betty.”

  “What fun would that’ve been?”

  “Ah, well, I wouldn’t have done two stints in the slammer today.”

  “You’ll be dining out on this story for the rest of your life.”

  “No, I won’t! I don’t want anyone to know I was in jail. My god, my parents and grandmothers would die if they knew that.”

  “It was all a misunderstanding—both times. If you tell them that—”

  “It’s jail, Jason. I can’t tell them.”

  Something about her prim and proper tone of voice turns me on like crazy, even as I tell myself to knock it off. I love that she’s such a good girl, that she’s never been in any kind of trouble before today.

  We arrive at the impound lot, where the grumpy owner is waiting for us. “I think you should waive the fee since you forgot to give me back the registration the first time.”

  “Is that what you think, pretty boy?” He’s a scary-looking dude with huge muscles and a tattoo on his face.

  I meet his gaze and refuse to blink. “That’s what I think.”

  “You should’ve asked for your registration when you picked it up before.”

  “Why would I assume you’d take the registration out of the car when you impound it?”

  “Look, it’s one o’clock in the morning. I want to go home. I can either give you your car or keep it. Up to you.”

  I can’t take the chance that this is going to get ugly or physical. I’d never risk damaging my hands for six hundred bucks, and I won’t put Carmen in the middle of something like that, either. I hand him my American Express card. Again.

  He takes it, runs it and hands me the receipt to sign.

  “Be right back.”

  “It’s total bullshit,” Carmen says when we’re alone.

  “Not worth fighting over. That’s for sure.”

  “Now I owe you twelve hundred bucks.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  We continue to bicker back and forth about the money until the Porsche comes to a skidding halt outside the office.

  Grumpy is grinning from ear to ear. “This thing is sweet.”

  I ignore him and get into the driver’s side while Carmen jumps into the passenger seat. I hit the gas and spew gravel at him as we leave the yard. I hope some of it hits him.

  “Seriously, I will pay you back.”

  “You’re helping to repair my image. That’s more than enough repayment.”

  I pull up to her apartment building at just after one-thirty.

  “I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow,” Carmen says, yawning.

  “I’ll walk you up.”

  “You don’t have to. It’s late. Go get some sleep.”

  She fumbles with the door handle, so I reach across her to help. The press of my arm against her soft middle sets off fireworks inside me. I had that same reaction the first time I saw her. Was that only yesterday morning?

  “I’ve got it.”

  I retreat from her, but I wish I didn’t have to. That’s not a thought that someone sitting in my boat ought to be having about any woman. “Check in with me tomorrow?” Part of me is afraid I’ll never hear from her again after the disastrous past twenty-four hours. Just when I think things can’t get worse, I cause an innocent young woman to be tossed into jail twice in one day.

  “I will. I’ve got a few ideas we can get going on.”

  “I’m ready when you are. I have an appointment with a Realtor to look at condos that I probably ought to keep in case I get to stay.”

  “I can help with that, too.”

  “Perfect.”

  “It’s the least I can do after costing you more than a thousand dollars in one day.”

  “Not your fault, and technically it was two days. Go to bed, Carmen. Have sweet dreams about something other than jail.”

  “Too soon, Jason. Far too soon.”

  She leaves me laughing as she gets out of the car and walks inside. I wait to make sure she’s inside before I take off, heading for the hotel the hospital put me up in.

  Before bed, I make the mistake of checking my email where I find a message from Mr. Augustino asking me to refrain from stepping foot onto the hospital campus until the board has time to review my situation.

  Awesome.

  I want to throw the phone across the room. I’d do it except for the hassle it would be to replace it. I’ve got enough hassles in my life right now.

  I hope Carmen can help me because the way things are looking now, I’m fucked if she can’t.

  CARMEN

  I dream of jail. I blame Jason for putting that idea in my head. Despite the rough night, I’m determined to make my second day on the job less eventful than the first one. With that in mind, I’m at my desk by eight-thirty with a cortadito, otherwise known as Cuban coffee, from my girl Juanita’s ventanita that I’m counting on to clear the cobwebs from my sleep-deprived brain.

  Mornings aren’t my thing, even with a good night of sleep.

  Jason texted to tell me what Mr. Augustino said about staying away from the hospital until the board comes to a decision. I can tell that has him more discouraged than he was last night. That fires my determination to help him, even if I still think he should be hiring crisis communication experts.

  Mona arrives shortly after I do and comes to my door. “Did you go out with Dr. Northrup last night?” She asks the question with a girlfriend giggle that reminds me of nails on a chalkboard.

  “We had a business dinner.”

  “Is that right?”

  “I don’t do gossip, Mona, and I don’t appreciate when others do either, especially at work.”

  As if I hadn’t said anything, she comes into my office and sits. “Have you heard about what happened in New York?”

  “Yes, he told me about how a woman who wanted out of a bad marriage set him up and how his career is in jeopardy because of what she did.”

  That seems to take some of the air out of her sails. “She set him up?”

  I’m not sure he’d want me sharing this with her, but we’re going to have to tell his side of the story if we’re going to put his career back on track. “She used him shamelessly to advance her agenda and broke his heart in the process.”

  “Why didn’t he say so?”

  “Because she has children, and he didn’t want to drag them through their mother’s mess.”

  “Huh.”

  “You can’t believe everything you see and hear, Mona. There’re always two sides to a story.” Why do I feel as if I’m the older of the two of us when she has decades on me?

  “What’s he going to do?”

  “He’s trying to repair his reputation so Miami-Dade will offer him privileges.”

  “How does he plan to do that?” Mr. Augustino asks from the doorway, startling us both.

  Crap.

  Mona gets up and hightails it out of there.

  Mr. Augustino comes in, shuts the door and takes a seat in my visitor chair. I figure he’s in his late fifties with salt-and-pepper hair and a matching goatee. He’s immaculately dressed in a navy pin-striped suit with a light blue pocket square that complements his tie.

  Holy crap. The hospital president is in my office. I have no idea how to play this. Does he want Jason, er Dr. Northrup, to redeem himself, or is he opposed to the idea?

  I decide to go with the truth
. “You should know there’s another side to the story of what happened in New York.”

  “Dr. Northrup told me that and indicated he’s unwilling to go public with his side because the woman in question has children.”

  “That’s right.”

  “I’ve passed the information along to the board.”

  “Oh. You did?”

  Mr. Augustino nods. “I’m not looking to further damage the man’s career, Ms. Giordino. He’s a world-class physician. I’ve felt all along that we’d be lucky to have him—and his very promising research—on our medical staff. However, I understand the board’s hesitation in light of the scandal in New York.”

  “I have some ideas of things we can do to help restore his reputation.”

  “Such as?”

  “My cousin works as a nurse at a free clinic in Little Havana. Their doctor was injured in an accident, which has left them short-handed. Dr. Northrup might be able to fill in while their doctor is away, for free, of course.”

  “And he’d be willing to do this?”

  “Provided he has insurance coverage. He’s checking on that today.”

  Mr. Augustino tilts his head and gives me an odd look. “So you’ve already discussed this possibility with Dr. Northrup?”

  Oh, damn it. I’ve painted myself into a tight corner. “Yes, sir. I offered to help him with his situation. On my own time, of course.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I, um, he helped me with something yesterday, and I owe him a favor.” Please don’t ask what. Please don’t ask what.

  “What did he help you with?”

  I think fast. “He asked me to take care of getting him an employee parking space, which turned out to be more complicated than I anticipated. When he came to assist me, we got to talking about what’d brought him to Miami. One thing led to another, and I offered to help him to thank him for helping me.” God, I hope he believes me.

  He mulls that over for what feels like a full five minutes, even though it’s probably only thirty seconds. It’s long enough to send me into full-blown deodorant failure. “I like the idea of a PR campaign to redeem his image. That could be very effective in convincing the board to give him a chance to work here, which is my ultimate goal. If his research pays off like we think it will, that could be a huge coup for us.”

  He looks me in the eye. “I want you on this project full time for the next two weeks with a report to me at the end of each day on your initiatives. The more you can document through photos and videos, the better. We can put together a presentation for the board that shows him embracing his new community. I like this idea. Good work, Ms. Giordino.”

  “Oh, um, thank you.” It’s all I can do to refrain from giggling like a deranged lunatic. If only he knew the whole story. But thank you, dear sweet Baby Jesus. He doesn’t know and hopefully never will. “What about covering the department while I’m out?”

  “Don’t worry about that for now. This project is the priority. I want this guy—and his research—on our team. I want to see our hospital get the credit when his work pays off. If you can make it happen, I’ll consider you for the director position that’s recently become available. Taryn has decided to stay home with her baby for the first few years.”

  My mouth falls open in shock. On day two, my boss is considering me for a massive promotion? Day two is shaping up to be a vast improvement over day one. “That’d be amazing. I’ll do my very best for you and Dr. Northrup.”

  “I have no doubt. You seem like a very responsible young woman, and we’re lucky to have you on our team.”

  If only you knew where I was around this time yesterday. “Thank you. I won’t let you down, sir.”

  “Excellent. Feel free to come and go from the office as needed to accomplish the assignment. I’ll let Mona know you’re working off-campus, so she’s aware. Just make sure she has your cell number so she can reach you if need be.”

  “I will.”

  He stands to leave and reaches my door before he turns back, seeming chagrined. “When I told Mrs. Augustino that you’d joined our team, she mentioned how difficult it is to get a reservation at Giordino’s. Our anniversary is coming up. I thought it might be nice to surprise her.”

  “I’ll take care of that for you. Just let me know when you’d like to go.”

  “Thank you so much. It’s nice to know people with influence. I’ll let you know.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He walks out of my office, leaving me stunned by our conversation. Not only did he encourage me to help Jason, but he made it my only assignment for the next two weeks and dangled a dream promotion should I succeed in rehabilitating the good doctor’s reputation.

  “Holy moly,” I whisper to myself before I reach for my cell phone to text Jason. Big news. Mr. Augustino has made you my only assignment for the next two weeks. He wants me to help you make a case to the board at their next meeting.

  He responds right away. Whoa. That is big news. I sort of got the feeling he didn’t want me around any more than the board did.

  Not the case. After hearing your side of the story, he seems to have changed his opinion. He’s very interested in you and your cutting-edge research and having a world-class pediatric neurosurgeon on his team.

  Okay, so maybe I’m building him up a bit, but after the reception he received yesterday, he has to be feeling pretty low. I don’t mention the possible promotion at stake for me because that’s not something he needs to know. I intended to help him before there was a promotion on the table, so that hasn’t changed anything.

  What’s our first order of business, boss?

  I want to speak to the free clinic. Can you check on your insurance?

  Will do right away.

  I’ll hit you up shortly.

  Sounds good.

  I grab my purse, keys, phone and coffee and head out of my office. “I’ll be out for the rest of the day.”

  “Mr. Augustino said you’re working on a special project.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Is he tall, blond and handsome?”

  “Bye, Mona.”

  “I won’t tell anyone. Don’t worry.”

  I roll my eyes and walk out of the executive office suite into the hallway that leads to the elevator. As I walk to my car, I place a call to my cousin, Maria.

  “Hey, prima. How’s the new job?”

  “It’s been rather interesting so far.”

  “In a good way, I hope.”

  “Jury’s still out. I have a question for you. Are you guys still looking for a doctor at the clinic?”

  “God, yes. We’re slammed with patients, and with only a part-time nurse practitioner who can write scripts, we’re dying over here.”

  “I may have someone who can help.”

  “I’m listening.”

  I tell her about Jason.

  “What the hell does a pediatric neurosurgeon want with a free clinic in Little Havana? He knows we can’t pay him much, right?”

  “Here’s the thing. He’s willing to volunteer.”

  “What’s the catch?”

  “He’s had some challenges in his personal life that have the board at Miami-Dade questioning whether they want him on their staff.”

  “What kind of challenges?”

  I lean against my car, close my eyes and say a silent prayer to my late grandfathers, hoping they can help me out here. If Maria says no to my idea, I don’t exactly have a plan B waiting on deck. “He had an affair with the board chair’s wife in New York.”

  “Ugh, Carmen…”

  “Wait, there’s more.” I tell her how the woman used him and that Jason didn’t know she was married, least of all to the chairman of the hospital board. “He had real feelings for her and was crushed by the whole thing.”

  “Why doesn’t he just say so?”

  “Because she has kids. He’s concerned about what it would do to them if he came out and said their mother used him for sex s
o she could get rid of their father.”

  “I guess it’s true what they say,” she says with a sigh.

  I’m not following her. “What is?”

  “There’s no such thing as a free neurosurgeon.”

  “He wouldn’t be doing it for the money, Mar. He’s determined to make a new life for himself down here. He wants to get to know the community and make an impact.”

  “And if the result is that Miami-Dade grants privileges, all the better, right?”

  “Will you meet him and give him a chance?”

  “Let me talk to my colleague and see what she thinks. It’s up to her. The good news for your guy is we might be desperate enough to overlook the scandal.”

  “Call me when you know?”

  “Will do.”

  “Thanks for this. I appreciate it.”

  “How’d you get involved in this?”

  “That’s a story for another day and requires vodka.”

  “I can’t wait to hear it. I’ll get back to you shortly.”

  “Thank you again.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You owe me big for this.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  Maria is laughing as the connection goes dead. God, I hope she can make this work. If not, I’ve got to come up with something else he can do in the community that would have the same impact.

  Chapter 7

  CARMEN

  I put the key in the ignition of my car, an old Honda that Tony and I bought when we were first married. An unexpected flood of emotions takes me by surprise. Why am I so invested in Dr. Jason Northrup and his career? Why has his cause become mine? It's not just because of the money I owe him. I wish it were that simple.

  It's also because of the integrity he showed in not wanting to harm his ex-lover's children. That got to me, especially after he shared what he'd endured growing up with a father who cheated.