Victorious (Quantum Series Book 3) Read online

  The next section is on the roles and responsibilities of the submissive, which includes words that raise my hackles, including “obey,” “serve” and “property” of her master. Yikes. I also stop short at the phrase that requires the submissive to ask permission before she touches her Dominant.

  “That’ll have to go,” I say out loud. It is then that I realize I have power in this arrangement, too. I have the power to say no at any time. I have the power to negotiate the terms that suit me. This is what Flynn meant by the term “exchange of power.”

  Finally, the contract spells out the Dominant’s requirements for his submissive in the areas of health, hygiene, birth control and masturbation, which is not allowed without permission from the Dom. That’s not a problem for me, because I’ve never indulged in self-pleasure. Until I met Flynn, I avoided sex in all its many forms. Now I find myself craving the connection with him as well as the searing pleasure I always experience in his arms. I’ve gone from never having had an orgasm in my life before a month ago, to having more than I can count with him. As my sexual awakening is still quite new, I can’t yet imagine wanting that without him there with me.

  An addendum includes an exhaustive list of limits. The instructions at the top tell me to label each as a hard or soft limit and include precise definitions of the two terms that match what Flynn told me earlier. Someone, I assume it’s Flynn, has drawn a line through many of the choices, and after reading them, I can see why. Some of these things are downright disgusting to me, and apparently to Flynn, too.

  Of the ones he’s left open for discussion, I stop at blindfolding and gagging. I don’t know if I could handle being blindfolded after having been assaulted. The thought of that makes me queasy and anxious, so I mark it as a hard limit. Next to gagging, I mark a question—how will I use a safe word if I am gagged?

  Spanking is a soft limit, as is anal play. I never would’ve believed I’d like that, but Flynn has already shown me otherwise. The thought of actual anal sex is a little less certain because I’m not at all convinced it would even be possible, but again, he has assured me otherwise. I mark that a soft limit as well. I’m willing to try it.

  I discover there’s a bevy of varieties when it comes to bondage. I mark light bondage and scarf play as soft limits and the rest as hard limits.

  I set medical play and examinations as a hard limit as I can’t imagine any scenario in which I would find that arousing after suffering through the trauma of a rape exam. Voluntary and forced masturbation are both soft limits, as are nipple clamps. After hearing Flynn’s fantasy earlier, I admit to being intrigued by what that would feel like. Painful pleasure is a new term to me.

  How do I feel about orgasm control? Meaning I would give up control of my orgasm to Flynn. He would say when, and I’d be at his mercy. I think about that for a minute before marking it as a soft limit.

  Oh God, the next one on the list is rape fantasy.

  “Mark a line through that one,” he says from over my shoulder, startling me. I was so engrossed, I didn’t hear him return with Fluff. “That’s off the table.”

  I do as I’m told.

  “I should’ve crossed that one off the list before I gave it to you. Sorry.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “No, it isn’t. My job is to take care of you, and by leaving that as an option, I didn’t take care of you.”

  “It’s really okay, Flynn. You gave me the option to make it a hard limit, which it is, so we’re good.” I glance up at him. “Have you…”

  He shakes his head. “I’ve never done it, but I hadn’t put it on my list of hard limits, which is why it’s still there. It’s a hard limit from now on.” Scanning the page, he checks what I’ve marked so far.

  I’ve gotten to the part on sex toys, including dildos, butt plugs, vibrators and beads, as well as the public use of any or all of them.

  “How does that work?” I ask, pointing to the word public.

  “I could, for instance, insist that you wear a butterfly vibrator inside your panties when we’re going somewhere, and then use the remote control to turn it on at any time during the outing.”

  I cross my legs. “Oh. Wow. Well…”

  He laughs at my reaction. “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, sweetheart.”

  “It does sound rather… interesting. What’s another example?”

  Sliding his arms around me from behind, he nudges my hair out of his way and presses his lips to my neck. “I could insert a plug before an event such as the Oscars, for example, and you’d spend the entire evening sitting next to me, your ass being stretched by the plug so I could take you home after and replace the plug with my cock.”

  A tremble ripples through my body at the thought of such a scenario.

  “My baby likes that one, huh?”

  “I don’t know. I’d be mortified.”

  “No one would know except for you and me. That’s part of the thrill of this arrangement. You step outside your comfort zone with me and only me the wiser, and the reward is pleasure like you can’t imagine.”

  As I raise my pen to mark the toys as a soft limit, he touches his lips to my ear. “Some of the plugs vibrate. That’s the ultimate.”

  After a brief hesitation spent imagining a vibrating butt plug as part of my Oscar attire, I mark the toys as a soft limit as well as voyeurism, which sounds interesting as well. I think I’d enjoy watching others have sex, even if I’m not convinced I could let them watch me.

  “That’s my girl,” he whispers. “So brave and fearless.”

  “Hardly fearless, but what did you tell me? Try everything once and twice if we like it?”

  “Words to live by.” After taking a closer look at the page of limits, he points to the question mark I’ve placed next to gagging. “What’s the question?”

  “How do I use a safe word if I’m gagged?”

  “That’s a great question, and the answer is we renegotiate the safe word so it’s a gesture. Perhaps you snap your fingers twice for slow down and once for stop? Or you do thumbs-up for good, when I ask you, and thumbs-down for bad. We work that out ahead of time.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “You should know I’m not a huge fan of gagging. I like to hear my partner’s reaction to whatever I’m doing, and I especially like to hear your reactions, so let’s cross that off our list.” He takes the pen from me and draws a line through the word. “There’re a lot of other things people do in this lifestyle, but if it’s not on this list, it’s not of interest to me. In our club, every Dom has their own list of things they enjoy, and the sub can determine his or her limits based on the Dom’s list.”

  “So guys can be subs and women can be Doms?”

  “Yep. Marlowe is a Dominatrix. She’s in hot demand by male subs who get off on her brand of domination and humiliation.”

  “Marlowe is a Domme.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing.”

  “Wait until you see her in action. Suffice to say that none of us would dare fuck with her when she’s wielding a whip.” He returns to his seat next to me, and tops off both our wineglasses. “One more thing I want to add to our personal contract. May I?”

  Still processing what I’ve learned about my new friend, Marlowe Sloane, I slide the pages across the bar to him.

  He takes the pen from me and begins to write on the back of the second page. When he’s finished, he pushes it over to me so I can see what he’s written. It is, I realize, the first time I’ve seen his distinct handwriting. “That could be a font. The Flynn Godfrey font. It would be a huge bestseller.”

  “Just read it,” he says, laughing.

  The passage he has added says, This contract between Flynn and Natalie Godfrey is binding for the purposes of enhancing their already spectacular sexual relationship. If, at any time, Flynn or Natalie should choose to end this contract, it shall have no bearing whatsoever on their life contract as best friends, lovers, husband and wife or
parents to their future children. Flynn and Natalie’s marriage vows take precedence over all other contracts and agreements set forth here.

  “That means,” he says softly, looking at me as he speaks, “that you can get out of this at any time without endangering other more important agreements already in place between us.”

  “Thank you for that. It’s incredibly sweet of you to know I’d need that assurance.”

  “You always have an out, sweetheart, whether it’s through safe words or deciding the whole thing isn’t for you or that your limits have changed. Despite how it may appear, you’re the one who’s actually in charge here.”

  “I like that,” I say, giving him a sassy grin.

  His low growl makes me laugh. “I’m going to like paddling that sweet ass when you get mouthy with me.”

  “Maybe I’ll get mouthy with you just so you’ll paddle my ass.”

  “Fuck, Nat,” he says, the breath escaping from him on a long hiss. “You have no idea what you do to me when you say things like that, when you play along with me. You’re my perfect match in every possible way.” He reaches for me and brings me close enough to kiss. “I have a feeling you’re going to make for a spectacular sub.”

  “I want to be the best sub you’ve ever had.”

  “You already are, my love. Just by talking to me about this, by reading the contract and considering all of it without judging me or deciding something has to be wrong with me to want this stuff... You’re perfect.”

  I sign my name on the line Flynn has drawn for me under the paragraph he added. It is the first time I write the words Natalie Godfrey, and it gives me a thrill to see my new name in black and white.

  Judging by his wide smile, Flynn likes it, too.

  “So what happens now?” I ask him, tingling with anticipation.

  “Now, I want to talk about your job and what we’re going to do about it.”

  Chapter 5

  I can tell I’ve taken her by surprise with my reply. She thought I’d want to get right down to business now that we’ve hammered out the details. There’s another detail that has to be seen to before we play, but I’ll address that after we talk about her job.

  “I thought you’d want to… you know, now that we’ve agreed to everything…”

  “Are you in a rush?” I ask with a teasing smile intended to put her at ease.

  “No, well… I’m curious, I guess.”

  Her curiosity is a huge turn-on for me. That she’s interested and willing to try… I can’t think about that right now when other decisions need to be made. “We’ll get there, but we have other things to talk about, such as your job and your visit with Candace. How was it to see her again after all these years?”

  “It was like no time had gone by. We picked up right where we left off. And then Livvy FaceTimed us, so we all got to be together.” Her eyes sparkle with joy as she talks about her long-lost sisters. “They’re so grown up and fun and beautiful.”

  “Of course they are. They’re related to you, aren’t they?”

  She smiles at the compliment. “I missed so much with both of them, but we’ve promised to stay in close touch from now on. Livvy says she can visit next month when she has a long weekend.”

  “We’ll set that up. You’ll see her soon.”

  “We had fun at the hotel.”

  “I hope you ran up a big room-service tab.”

  “We sure did. Candace said if you were making us stay there and paying the bill, we ought to take full advantage.”

  Laughing, I say, “I can see I need to be concerned about these new sisters-in-law of mine. They sound like characters.”

  “They’re great girls, and they’re looking forward to meeting you. You’ll love them.”

  “I have no doubt.” I take her by the hand. “Let’s go get comfy.” We carry our wineglasses and the nearly empty bottle to the sofa. When we’re snuggled under a warm blanket and Natalie is curled up in my arms, I rub my lips over her hair. “Talk to me about the job, Nat.”

  She leads with a deep sigh. “I’d love to go back to my class and finish out the school year, but I don’t think I can.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “The school announced that they’d offered my job back, and now my apartment, your place, the school… We’re overrun, and there’s a freaking blizzard going on. And they’re still staked out. For a while, when we were waiting to hear what would happen, I really thought I could go back if they asked me to and things would return to normal. But after the interview with Carolyn and the SAG Awards, I realized my normal has changed, and there’s no going back to who I was before I became your wife.”

  Her words are like a spike to my heart, reminding me that while my life has changed for the better since we met, hers has been tipped upside down. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

  “Please don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I knew what I was getting into when I took you on. Well, I mostly knew…”

  A laugh rumbles through me. I’m glad she can joke about the thing that nearly ruined us. I started this day wondering if I’d ever see her again, and now anything is possible.

  “I’m mostly afraid that if I go back, things will get crazy again with the paparazzi surrounding the school, and the board will regret asking me back. If that happens and I have to leave again… I can’t do that to my kids, as much as I miss them and want to be with them. I can’t jerk them around like that.”

  “I wish you could have everything you want and have me, too. Remember when we first met, and I tried to describe the downside to celebrity? This is it.”

  “There’s something else…”

  “What’s that?”

  “The foundation. Ever since you asked me to be part of that, it’s all I seem to think about when I’m not thinking about you and everything that’s happened with us. I’m so excited to be involved with such a worthwhile cause, and as much as I wish I could return to my classroom, being part of the effort to address childhood hunger in this country is so exciting.”

  “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. I knew I was asking the right person to head up this effort. You should also know that my management team has been overrun with inquiries as to whether you’re interested in modeling, acting and a wide variety of other offers, including interview requests from every major name you can think of.”

  “No way.”

  “Yes way. I told you you’d be in hot demand after the interview with Carolyn.”

  “Wow. They really want me to model? What do I know about that?”

  “They love your look, and I can’t say I blame them. I do, too. I can have my manager, Danielle, send over the most interesting offers, and you can take a look.”

  “I don’t know about that, Flynn. Show business is your thing, not mine.”

  I shrug. “It can be your business, too, if that’s what you want. You don’t have to decide anything right away. Focus on the foundation for now, and see what happens.”

  “I suppose I could do that. It’s so weird that people know who I am and are interested in me. That’s going to take some getting used to.”

  “You’ve got the rest of your life to get used to it. Take all the time you need.” I kiss her forehead and then her cheek. “Is it okay to say that I’m thrilled and relieved that we won’t be spending any time on opposite coasts?”

  “It’s okay to say that,” she says with a smile. “I’m relieved, too.”

  “So you’re going to tell the school you’re declining their offer to return?”

  Nodding, she says, “I’ll write to each of my students and explain why I’m not coming back and give them our address so they can write to me. That would be okay, wouldn’t it?”

  “We can’t give out our actual address, but I have a PO box you can use.”

  “That’ll work.” She eyes me with excitement and anticipation. “So does this mean I’m officially moving to LA?”

  “Eventually. In case y
ou haven’t noticed, we’re somewhat snowed in for the time being.” I nod to the windows, where the driving snow is highlighted by the orange glow of security lights from an adjacent building. “We’re not going anywhere for the next day or two.”

  She runs her finger up the inside of my thigh, sparking an immediate reaction. “Whatever will we do with all that time?”

  “Well, I’ve got that drawer full of movies and the tub you love so much.”

  Turning so she can see me, she takes a good long look to gauge whether I’m serious. “I’ll admit to being confused.”

  “I’ll admit to being incredibly aroused by the fact that you’re so eager to proceed with our plans. I can’t fucking wait to play with you. But before we do that, we need to talk to someone about whether it’s a good idea in light of what you’ve been through in the past.”

  “I’m fine, Flynn. I talked to Doctor Bancroft last week.”

  This is news to me. “You didn’t know the full picture last week.”

  “But still, we talked about sex… and everything.”

  I would give everything I have to know how that conversation went down. “You talked about kinky sex? About dominance and submission and everything that goes with those things?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “No buts, sweetheart. We have to be certain it won’t set you back before we try it. I have to be certain of that. We need to see your Doctor Bancroft or someone else who specializes in PTSD and sexual assault counseling.”

  “He does both those things, which is why the court sent me to him.”

  “You’re already familiar with him, so I’d be fine with talking to him.”

  She glances up at me, seeming to gauge my sincerity. “You’re very… private… about this part of your life, so private you didn’t even tell me. You’re really willing to talk to a stranger about it?”

  “If it means being confident that you can truly handle what we’re considering, then yes, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. We’ve got to figure that we’ve met our quota of disreputable professionals for this lifetime with Rogers.”

  “True. I know Curt very well. We can trust him. He saved my life, Flynn. There’s no way I’d be sitting here talking to you, capable of this relationship, without him.”