Treading Water Read online

  “Yes! I had a couple of beers. Who cares?”

  Punching the gas to get out of there, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I care! You’re sixteen, Jill!”

  “I know how old I am.”

  Under the glow of the streetlights he could see her eyes were glassy and deduced that she’d had more than a couple of beers. Jack’s mind raced with things he wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut until he figured out what he should say.

  Jill stayed quiet on the way home.

  “What happened to the guy you were with?” Jack finally asked.

  “I don’t know. We got separated.”

  “What were you even doing there?”

  “They’re friends of his. We were just going for a little while.”

  “How much did you have to drink?”

  She shrugged. “I told you. A couple.”

  “Really, Jill. I just can’t believe you’d—”

  “Relax, Dad! It’s no big deal. Everyone does it.”

  Jack bit back the urge to snap at her. “You’re not everyone, and don’t tell me to relax.”

  “Whatever.” Her cell phone rang as they pulled into the driveway. “Where’d you go?” She glanced at her father. “I got a ride. All right. Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  Jack waited for her and watched her teeter on the way into the house.

  Frannie sat up as they came in. “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “Someone had a few too many at a party and got separated from her date.”

  Frannie frowned at her niece. “Jill…”

  “Can we save this Hallmark moment until tomorrow? I’m tired.”

  “Sit down,” Jack said.

  Releasing a dramatic sigh, she dropped into a chair.

  “Is this what you do with your friend Kyle?” Jack asked. “Go to out-of-control parties and get drunk?”

  “I’ve never been to an out-of-control party or gotten drunk with Kyle before.”

  “You might want to lose the sarcasm, Jill,” Frannie warned.

  “You’re not my mother! You can’t tell me what to do.”

  “That’s enough, Jill! You’ll not talk to your aunt—or me—like that, do you hear me?”

  Just as Jill started to reply, she turned green. Clasping her hand over her mouth, she bolted for the bathroom.

  Jack glanced at Frannie before he got up to follow his daughter. Standing at the open door to the bathroom, he watched helplessly as she wretched.

  Frannie came up behind him. “Go,” she whispered. “Go to her.”

  Hesitating for another second, he ventured into the bathroom and gathered Jill’s long dark hair into a ponytail.

  “Go away,” she moaned. “Leave me alone.”

  “You’re stuck with me.” He stayed with her through another vicious bout of vomiting as well as the dry heaves that followed. When it was over, he wiped her face with a cool washcloth and sat down next to her on the bathroom floor.

  “I’m never drinking again.”

  Laughing softly, Jack remembered once making the same vow after a similar incident. “Good.” He put his arm around her, brought her to rest against him, and was relieved when she didn’t resist. “Think it’s over?”

  “For now, but there could be more.”

  “Then we’ll wait.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Because you’re sick.”

  “So I’m not grounded?”

  “I never said that.”

  She mulled that over for a few minutes. “How long?”

  He hadn’t the foggiest idea. “What would Mom say?”

  “Um, forever?”

  “That sounds about right.”

  Jill moaned. “Seriously. How long?”

  “How does a month sound?”

  “Like forever.”

  “But fair in light of the crime?”

  “I guess.”

  He held out his hand. “I’ll take your phone and keep it safe for the next month.”

  “Oh come on!”

  “As I recall, cell phone surrender was a key part of Mom’s grounding program.”

  “Why does it have to be part of yours?”

  “Cough it up.”

  She dug it out of her back pocket and slapped it into his hand.

  They sat on the bathroom floor until she sagged against him, asleep. Somehow, he managed to lift her off the floor and carry her to the sofa in the family room. Covering her with a blanket, he kissed her forehead. Then he got comfortable on the other sofa.

  Just in case she needed him again during the night.

  Leaving the port of Point Judith on the Friday night ferry, Jack stood on the bow and watched the ship sluice through the foamy water. He took a drink from his cup of coffee, wishing for a shot of whiskey instead. “Here goes nothing,” he whispered as he turned away from the rail to join the girls inside.

  As usual, Kate sat by herself, strumming the guitar she never left home without these days. Maggie was attached to her iPod, and Jill had curled up with a book on one of the benches. An obnoxiously large pile of duffel bags sat on the floor next to them. Jack had been so glad they were coming with him that he’d chosen not to make an issue of how much stuff they’d brought for one weekend.

  He had no plan, per se, for when they got to the island. All he knew was that he had to do something to get their attention, to reconnect with daughters he’d somehow managed to grow estranged from while living under the same roof.

  The ferry backed into Block Island’s Old Harbor just after six. Disembarking with their two tons of luggage, Jack and the girls piled into the old station wagon he kept on the island. Their silence during the short ride to the south end grated on his already frayed nerves.

  “Another busy weekend on the Block,” he said, feeling stupid and desperate as the words came out of his mouth.

  More silence.

  “What do you guys want for dinner?”

  “Pizza from Aldo’s,” Maggie said.

  “Aldo’s it is,” Jack said, smiling at her in the mirror.

  It was just pizza, but it was a start.

  By Saturday afternoon, Jack was ready to shoot himself. With each of them immersed in some form of technology—iPods, computers, cell phones, televisions—they were doing an excellent job of ignoring him. The cowardly part of him wanted to go up to his room and kill time until they could go home the next day. However, the coward was overruled by the inner voice telling him he’d already squandered too much time with them.

  Bracing himself for outrage, he stepped into the huge living room that overlooked the ocean. “Hey, guys.” He waved a hand at Kate to get her attention, since she had her earbuds in. “Let’s go for a ride.”

  “I’m watching something,” Maggie said.

  “I was just about to take a shower,” Jill added. She’d been only slightly friendlier to him since their interlude on the bathroom floor. He took the progress where he could get it.

  “We’re going for a ride,” he said more forcefully this time. “And Kate, bring your guitar, will you?”

  Sending him a quizzical look, Kate did as he asked. Though they grumbled all the way, they found shoes and coats and trooped out to the car.

  As Jack drove toward the bluffs on the island’s north end, he so hoped he was doing the right thing. He got them as close as he could in the car. They’d have to walk the rest of the way.

  “Am I bringing the guitar?” Kate asked with a wary glance at the rugged trail.

  “Yes, please.”

  As Jack watched them exchange puzzled looks, his gut clenched with nerves. “Listen, guys, I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me or to believe in me, but I’m asking for thirty minutes.”

  Silence.

  “I need half an hour with no attitudes, no anger, no dispositions. Can you give me that?”

  “What’re we going to do?” Maggie asked, her expression open and accepting.

  Jack smiled a
nd tugged on her ponytail. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

  He led them up the rocky trail to the place where he and Clare first made love, where they’d first talked of marriage, and where they’d come to make the biggest decisions of their married life. Here he’d convinced her the time was right for him and Jamie to leave Neil Booth’s firm and start their own company, to move their growing family from Boston to Newport and begin a whole new life. Later, she’d brought him here to tell him about their unplanned third child who turned out to be one of the best surprises of his life.

  At the top of the path, the Atlantic stretched out before them. Jack could think of no better place for Clare’s daughters to say good-bye to their mother.

  “This was your place with Mom,” Jill said quietly, taking in the view of the ocean.

  “Yes.”

  “I remember coming here once with you, when I was really young,” Jill said. “Mom told me it was your special place.”

  Jack gestured to a grassy patch. “Sit with me?” He waited until they were settled and dropped down next to Kate. “Whenever we were out here on the island, Mom and I would try to get up here to have a chat. Sometimes we talked about serious stuff; other times we just chilled and watched the water for a while. Often we talked about you guys.” He looked up to find them hanging on his every word and could see the hunger on their faces. They were desperate for any part of their mother they could still hang on to.

  Forcing himself to press on, Jack took a deep breath and tried to get it together. He’d been unprepared for the wallop of emotion that came with returning to this place. “Before the accident, when I knew something was wrong, I should’ve brought her here. She wouldn’t talk to me about it at home, but perhaps…if we’d come here…”

  “Maybe it was something she needed to work out on her own,” Kate said.

  “That’s possible,” Jack conceded, wanting so badly to believe it. “But I need you to know that I wish I’d tried harder to figure out what was bothering her.”

  “We wish we’d tried harder, too,” Jill said.

  Her sisters nodded in agreement.

  Touched by their confession, he turned to Kate. “Will you play something for us? Something that reminds you of Mom?”

  “I know just the thing.” She launched into a familiar tune that made her father and sisters smile. “Remember her singing so loud?”

  “And so bad!” the others chimed in, laughing at the memory.

  Kate played Landslide, and Jack couldn’t believe how very good she’d gotten since the last time he heard her play. Clare had loved the Stevie Nicks song, and he wished she could’ve heard their daughter sing it. Kate had chosen the perfect song. The last year had been just like standing at the bottom of a landslide.

  She played the last note and glanced at him, a shy smile gracing her pretty face. “That was beautiful, honey. Your voice is so lovely.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Can I say something?” Jill asked.

  “Of course,” he said, pleased that they had picked up on the reason he’d brought them here.

  “I had to memorize a poem for school recently. We could pick anything we wanted, so I chose Mom’s favorite.”

  “Tennyson,” Jack said.

  She nodded. “It reminded me of her and of what our family has been through in the last year:

  Though much is taken, much abides; and though

  We are not now that strength which in old days

  Moved heaven and earth, that which we are, we are—

  One equal temper of heroic hearts,

  Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

  To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

  Watching his beautiful, brave daughter so eloquently speak the words her mother had loved moved Jack to tears. He cleared his throat and hoped he could say what they needed to hear. “That’s exactly what we have to do, you know? We have to continue to be a family.”

  “Everything’s different now,” Maggie said sadly.

  “Yes, it is. And as much as we wish it wasn’t, we have to find a way to go on without Mom.”

  “I really wish we didn’t have to,” Maggie said.

  “So do I, honey. But here’s the thing… Mom always took care of you guys, and I let her. It was easier for me to hang back and let her do the heavy lifting than it was for me to get in there and get my hands dirty with you guys.”

  They giggled at the words he used, but he had their attention. “That’s not the kind of father I want to be anymore. I know this is another big change on top of so many others, but from now on, I’m in charge at home. Frannie’s there to help us out, but she’s not responsible for you guys. I am. If you want to go somewhere or do something, you ask me. When I’m at work or out of town, of course you can check in with her, but I always want to know where you are and who you’re with. Agreed?”

  Their mumbled replies indicated their agreement.

  “I know I haven’t been the world’s best father, but I really want to fix that. I hope you’ll let me try.”

  Maggie moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

  He slipped an arm around her.

  “Can I sing a song that reminds me of Mom?” she asked.

  “Absolutely.”

  In a small voice, she sang the theme song from Barney.

  The others smiled, remembering Clare singing the happy-family song to mend hurt feelings after dustups between sisters.

  “We were a happy family,” Maggie said, her voice catching.

  “We will be again.” Jack brushed a kiss over her silky dark hair. “I promise. We will be again.”

  For the first time in a long time, he had reason to hope. They’d taken the first, most important step on what would no doubt be a long journey. But they’d taken the step, and he was filled with relief.

  Chapter 3

  When Jack walked into the well-appointed offices of Harrington Booth Associates for the first time in fourteen months, he was hit with a familiar surge of pride.

  He and Jamie started HBA after learning everything they could from Neil Booth during their seven years with him. Neil had been disappointed when they declined his offer to take over his firm as he contemplated retirement. They’d longed for something simpler than the fast-paced, high-profile positions they held in Neil’s firm. Over time, though, HBA had grown a reputation to rival even Neil’s.

  Spotting the framed silver dollar under the company’s name on the inside wall, Jack smiled at the memory of flipping it with Jamie to determine which one of them would come first in the company name. Only when Jack won for the third time did Jamie concede defeat.

  Before Clare’s accident, Jack wouldn’t have dreamed of taking more than a week of vacation at a time. Proves no one is indispensable, he thought with a small smile as several of his employees welcomed him back.

  His longtime assistant, Quinn Jeffries, greeted him with a fierce hug. Hired as his secretary more than twelve years earlier, she’d long since become his right hand and close friend.

  “So good to see you here,” she said as she released him from her warm embrace.

  “It’s good to be back.” His corner office boasted two full glass walls with an exquisite view of the beach and rocky shore. Jamie’s office occupied the other corner on the same side with a shared bathroom in the middle.

  “Come in,” Jack said to Quinn.

  He dropped his leather bag on his desktop where the lack of clutter was a stark reminder of how long he’d been gone. “So bring me up to speed,” he said when he’d recovered his bearings. “What’s going on?”

  “Jamie said you’ll be heading up the next phase of the Infinity project.”

  “That’s right.”

  “You’ve got a conference call with their team at eleven to get acquainted and set the schedule for the next few months.” She rattled off the list of HBA staff members Jamie had assigned to work with Jack on the hotel.

  “
What’s everyone else got going?”

  “Four houses, a shopping center, a new auto dealership, and the sailing museum renovations.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, everyone’s pretty stretched. You and Jamie may need to talk about hiring a few more people.”

  Jack loved that Quinn didn’t hold back opinions that were usually astute and right on the mark.

  “Did Jamie tell you he’s been asked to consult on a job in Tokyo?” she asked.

  “No, but I’m sure he’ll tell me about it when he gets a chance.”

  “Here are the preliminary files on the hotel. You can look them over before the call. Oh, and Jamie called a staff meeting at ten.”

  “Sounds good. I have a standing dinner date at six with the girls every night from now on. I’ll probably need your help getting out of here on time. ”

  “You got it.”

  “Thanks for everything, Quinn. I know you managed a lot more than your own job over the last year. I appreciate everything you did to help Jamie.”

  “We’re just glad to have you back.” She left him with a smile and closed the door.

  He turned in his chair to inspect the shore as it emerged from morning fog to the kind of glorious early summer day Clare had loved. The beach was alive with joggers, dogs on leashes, and lifeguards meandering out to their posts. It was all so normal, a scene he’d witnessed many times before, and yet nothing was normal anymore because Clare wouldn’t be waiting for him at the end of the day.

  Since the day on the bluffs with the girls, emotions that had lain dormant for so many months of numbness were once again raw. Thinking of Clare and all they’d lost brought tears to his eyes. He’d been a regular waterworks lately, as if all the feelings he’d fought so hard to suppress during the long year since the accident were suddenly trying to get out. But then he remembered promising the girls he would get their lives back on track. He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt and turned to the files Quinn had left.

  “I can do this,” he whispered. “I will do this.”

  By ten o’clock, he’d caught up on the project that would take over his life for the next year and a half. Stopping to grab a fresh cup of coffee, he headed into the conference room for the meeting.