I Want to Hold Your Hand Read online

  “They sure did make it seem easy from the outside looking in.”

  “It wasn’t without its challenges. In case you hadn’t noticed, he could be a bit of a handful.”

  “Nooo. I never would’ve guessed that.”

  They shared a laugh that ended with him gazing into gold-speckled eyes, noting not for the first time how gorgeous Ella Abbott was. “You’re a good listener. Thanks for letting me vent.”

  She finally withdrew the hand that had been resting so sweetly on his arm. He immediately mourned the loss of her warmth. “Thanks for answering my nosy questions. I hope if the pain ever gets to be too much for you, you’ll reach out to someone who cares.”

  “I will.” Gavin kissed her cheek and discovered she smelled as good as she looked, something light and fruity and feminine. “I’d better get back to the party before Turk and the boys burn down the house. Are you coming?”

  He got up and held out a hand to her.

  She looked up at him, and the affection he saw in her gaze staggered him as she took his proffered hand.

  Maybe the next time he couldn’t outrun the grief, he’d call Ella. The idea brought a measure of comfort and peace he seldom experienced anymore.

  • • •

  “I’m going straight to hell for this,” Hannah said, staring up at the ceiling as Nolan did the same next to her. “I’ve got a yard full of guests, and I’m up here messing around with you.”

  “Messing around? I’m hurt.” He turned on his side, propping his head on his hand. “That was making love.”

  She smiled up at him. “Yes, it was, but I’m still going to hell.”

  “I’ll see you there.” His free hand worked its way under the sheets to her belly. “Look at it this way, at least all the parents have left.”

  “There is that.”

  “So all that remains are Caleb’s drunken buddies and some of your siblings. We’ll never be missed.”

  “Yes, we will, and the abuse will be substantial.”

  He pulled her closer to him. “Then we’d better make sure it was worth it.”

  “Nolan! No! No more.”

  His lips and tongue on her neck scrambled her brain and made her forget all about her guests for another half hour.

  After a quick shower, they got dressed in jeans and sweaters.

  “You’re a very bad influence on me. I’m a good girl. I don’t do things like this.”

  He snorted with laughter. “You weren’t such a good girl a little while ago when you were—”

  She squished his lips shut with her fingers. “Don’t finish that thought under any circumstances.”

  He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her into his embrace. “I can’t help that I’m unable to keep my hands off you.”

  “Yes, you can help it, and you will help it until tomorrow afternoon when they all go home.”

  “I won’t last that long.”

  “Fine, then last at least until bedtime.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “You gotta let me go now.”

  “One more minute.” Her hair was soft and fragrant against his face as he exhaled a deep breath full of love and satisfaction. “I love you, Hannah. I love everything about being with you.”

  “I love you, too. I love laughing with you and teasing you and making love with you.”

  He let out a groan. “Come on! Don’t say that and then hold me at arm’s length for hours and hours.”

  “Bedtime,” she said. “And not one minute before.”

  With tremendous reluctance, he released her. “Even though you’re torturing me, after everyone leaves tomorrow, I have a surprise for you.”

  “What kind of surprise?”

  “The kind of surprise where you don’t get to know what it is until tomorrow afternoon.”

  “It’s very unfair for you to tell me you have a surprise and then make me wait more than twenty-four hours before I can have it.”

  He couldn’t believe that she sounded genuinely pissed. “I wanted to give you something to look forward to.”

  She unlocked the bedroom door and opened it. “Well, your plan backfired, and now I’m mad at you. Bedtime is off.”

  “No way.”

  “Yes way unless you tell me what the surprise is.”

  “I’m not telling you.”

  “Okay then. You know the consequences.”

  He gave her a playful spank on the bottom as they headed downstairs. “I’ll change your mind.”

  “Change her mind about what?” Colton asked as they landed in the kitchen.

  “Trust me when I say you don’t want to know,” Hannah said.

  “Ew. Gross.”

  “Exactly. Nolan, go outside and check on our guests, will you? I need to grill my brother about where he’s been spending his weekends lately.”

  “Only if you tell me what he says.”

  “Well, yeah, of course I will.”

  Nolan kissed her and headed out to the yard.

  “I see you’ve already got him trained.”

  “He’s coming along quite well,” Hannah said with a smile.

  “I like you two together. It makes sense in an odd sort of way.”

  “He’s been very good for me and to me, and not just since we started dating.”

  “I’m so glad to hear that, Hannah. It makes me happy to see you happy.”

  She rubbed her hand on his bare cheek. “I barely recognize you without the fur. What gives?”

  Shrugging, he popped a couple of grapes into his mouth. “Time for a change.”

  “And all your mysterious getaways? Is that part of the change, too?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Come on, Colton! Don’t be all secretive with me. What gives?”

  “I’m not ready to talk about it.”

  “You won’t tell me anything? Like how you met her?”

  “Through a friend.”

  “Colton!”

  “Hannah! You of all people should appreciate the fact that I’m trying to maintain a bit of privacy for as long as I possibly can in this hornet’s nest known as our family.”

  “It’s not fair. Everyone knows about me, but you get to maintain your privacy?”

  “You made the mistake of having an affair with a man who drives around with his name on his truck and parks said truck in front of your house until all hours. I could give you some pointers on how to be a bit more subtle in these matters.”

  “Give me a break. This is your first ‘matter’ in who knows how long, and suddenly you’re the expert?”

  “May I remind you that no one knows who I’m seeing, and everyone knows who you’re getting busy with?” he asked with a smug smile.

  “No, please don’t. Fine, have it your way, but you’d better watch your back, mister. I’m going to be keeping my eye on you.”

  “Have at it. You don’t scare me.”

  Hannah was still coming up with a retort when Gavin led Ella through the kitchen by the hand. Ella had a dreamy, gobsmacked look on her face that had Hannah grinning widely at her sister.

  As she went by, Ella mouthed “Oh my God” to Hannah, and followed Gavin into the backyard.

  “Um, excuse me,” Colton said. “What was that about?”

  “That might’ve been about someone extremely wonderful getting exactly what she wants. We shall see.”

  “Ella and Gavin? Since when?”

  “Since about five minutes ago it seems.”

  “I need to come down off my mountain more often. I miss out on too much up there.”

  “Do you ever think about relocating? I mean you could still run the sugaring facility without living up there.”

  “I think about it once in a while. More often lately.”

  “Any particular reason?”

  “End it, Hannah. You’re not going to break me.”

  “Give me time.”

  “Oh there you are,” Cameron said when she came into the kitchen with Will. “We were
just about to go home, but we wanted to see you before we left.” She gave Hannah a hug. “The service for Homer was awesome—and the best part is I came away feeling like I know Caleb a little bit now, too.”

  “Thanks, Cam. I’m so glad you could be here. If you have some time this week, I want to talk to you about an idea I have for the retreat.”

  “Oh tell me now.”

  “Because we weren’t leaving or anything,” Will said, rolling his eyes at Colton.

  “Be quiet,” Cameron said. “You can wait five more minutes to get me alone.”

  “What if I can’t?” Will asked.

  Cameron glared playfully at her boyfriend. “Anyway, Hannah . . .”

  “I had this idea for a bracelet for the women who visit the retreat. War widows receive a gold star pin from Congress in recognition of our loss. There’s an entire organization for gold star widows and widowers. I thought it would be nice to take that symbol and incorporate it into a bracelet that is customized for each woman, based on things that remind her of her husband. I could offer themes based on areas of interest such as sports or cars or hunting or whatever they were into. But the gold star would be at the center of each bracelet. What do you think?”

  “I love it, but why limit it to the women who come to the retreat? You could offer the custom-made bracelets via the website, too.”

  “Only if I could donate the proceeds to an organization that supports military widows and widowers.”

  “Another great idea. Let’s get together one day this week to talk about that and next steps for the retreat.”

  Hannah hugged Cameron again. “Thanks for everything.”

  “My pleasure. I love the plans you’ve made for this place. I can’t wait to dig in deeper.”

  “It’s a really nice idea, Han,” Will said when he kissed her good-bye.

  “Thanks. Hey, did you get a new car, Cameron?”

  “He talked me into a big ugly SUV,” she said with a pout. “I hate it.”

  “It’s safe,” Will said.

  “It’s ugly.”

  “I hope it’s not red,” Hannah said. “Fred loves red.”

  “It’s black. Fred better not have a thing for black, too.”

  “I can’t wait to see it. I’m sure it’s not as ugly as you think it is.”

  “Anything is ugly after my adorable Mini.”

  “Which was totally impractical for life in Northern Vermont,” Will said.

  Colton fist-bumped his brother in agreement.

  “I’ll remember that you sided with him,” Cameron said to Colton.

  “Hey, don’t suck me into this.”

  “Too late,” Cameron said. “Hannah, thank you for a lovely, memorable day. William, let’s go.”

  “I thought she’d never say that.”

  Cameron took him by his loosened tie and led him from the kitchen.

  “Speaking of well-trained house pets,” Colton said.

  “He’s never been so happy.”

  “I’m going, too. I need to get back up on the mountain and get some work done.”

  “Thanks for being here today.”

  “Wouldn’t have missed it.”

  “When you’re ready to talk about your little romance, you know where I am.”

  “How could I ever forget?” He gave her a one-armed hug and kissed her cheek. “Oh and by the way, I don’t think it’s going to be a little romance. See you later.”

  He bolted before she could reply to that outrageously suggestive comment.

  Hannah tried to picture Colton, the confirmed bachelor and mountain man, in love. That’d be something to see—that is if he decided to expose his lady to the Abbott family.

  CHAPTER 26

  Caleb has already been gone six years. Some days it feels like five minutes. Other times it’s like I haven’t seen him in forever. I miss him so much. I miss feeling hopeful. I miss feeling young. I miss feeling like a woman. I removed my wedding rings and put them away in a safe place where they could never be found if the house got broken into. I like that I’m the only person in the world who knows where they are. It seemed time to take them off, but my hand feels naked without them where they’ve been for thirteen years.

  —From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age thirty-four

  Seconds after she closed the door on the last of her guests on Sunday afternoon, Hannah pounced on Nolan, taking him by surprise when she jumped on his back and wrapped her arms and legs around him. He’d been walking through the yard with a garbage bag, cleaning up the last of the stray cans and bottles.

  “Holy crap, woman! Are you trying to break my back? What good will I be to you then?”

  “I want my surprise.”

  “What surprise?”

  “Nolan . . . If you ever want to have sex with me again, do not mess around right now.”

  “I’m seeing a whole new side to you, and I’m not sure I like it.”

  She tightened her arms around his neck.

  He made dramatic gagging and choking noises. “Easy, killer. Dismount and let me go make a phone call.”

  “You better be calling about my surprise.”

  “What were you like as a kid at Christmas?”

  “I always found the presents, unwrapped them and rewrapped them. No one ever knew.”

  “This is a very worrisome character trait. I may need to reconsider a few things.”

  “Make the call. Now.”

  Laughing, he walked away, and Hannah took great pleasure in watching him go. Her house was a mess, her yard was a mess, she had a month’s worth of laundry to do, but she didn’t care about any of that when there was a surprise to be had.

  He came out the back door five minutes later. “Let’s go, you nosy wench.”

  She let out a squeal of excitement, dropped the garbage bag she’d taken from him and ran toward him.

  “How about you jump me again, but on the front side this time.”

  “Let’s see how good your surprise is, and I’ll take that under consideration.”

  “Oh I do love you.”

  “Now take me to my surprise.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Note to self, never again give her a preview that a surprise is coming.”

  “You’re learning, my friend.”

  He deposited her into the front seat of his truck with a lingering kiss that she broke away from.

  “No stall tactics. I’ve already had to wait forever.”

  “One day is not forever.”

  “It is for me when I know there’s a surprise coming. Move it.”

  “You are too much, you know that?”

  “Uh-huh. Now hurry up.”

  He seemed to take his own sweet time, at least as far as she was concerned, getting into the truck and putting on his seatbelt. By the time he pulled away from the curb, Hannah was practically bouncing in her seat.

  “I hope the surprise lives up to the anticipation,” he said.

  “I do, too.”

  “Jeez, no pressure much.” Nolan drove through town, over the one-lane covered bridge and past her parents’ barn on Hells Peak Road.

  “How much farther?”

  “Not that far, but listen, Hannah . . . I’m starting to worry you might not like this surprise as much as I thought you would. And if you don’t want it, it’s okay to say so. I promise you won’t hurt my feelings if you aren’t up for it.”

  “It’s not bungee jumping or mountain zip lining or anything like that, is it?”

  “No,” he said, laughing. “Nothing like that.”

  “Caleb learned the hard way that those things don’t count as surprises to me. They count as nightmares.”

  “Good to know.”

  “So it’s something you thought I would want, right?”

  “It’s something I hoped you might want. But like I said, no hard feelings if the timing isn’t right.”

  Hannah thought that over for a moment. “I’m sure if you thought I’d like it, I will. Either way, it’s
nice to know you were thinking of me.”

  “Hannah,” he said with a laugh, “I think about you all the time.”

  “You do? Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  She smiled at him, happier in that moment than she’d been in longer than she could remember.

  “Do you think about me a little?”

  “Occasionally.”

  His mouth fell open in shock that had her laughing hysterically.

  “You’re so easy.”

  “You’re going to pay for that later. Ever had your ass spanked?”

  Hannah’s entire face heated with embarrassment and arousal. “I refuse to dignify that with a response.”

  “Be as prissy as you want, I saw your face light up with interest. We’ll discuss this later.”

  “No, we won’t.”

  “Yes, we will.” Nolan took a hard right off the main road.

  “What’re we doing at Dude’s place?”

  “Sit still, and you’ll find out.”

  “I don’t want to sit still.” She already had her seatbelt off and was straining to see beyond the next bend in the road.

  Chuckling at her enthusiasm, Nolan said, “I can’t imagine what your children will be like, woman.”

  She looked over at him, all thoughts of surprises obliterated by his casual mention of her future children. “Children? What children?”

  “The ones you’re going to have with me.” He shifted the truck into park. “Come on and see your surprise.”

  Still reeling from his pronouncement about the children they were going to have together, Hannah fumbled her way out of the truck and took the hand he held out to her. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and walk away like you never said it.”

  “Am I walking away? Seems to me I’m getting in deeper by the second.” Before she could say a word, he kissed her hard. “Another thing we’ll talk about later. Now, I thought you wanted to see your surprise.”

  “I do.” She did, but her senses were still recovering from the wallop of his revealing comment, and it was hard to think about anything other than the prospect of their children—the children she’d long ago accepted that she’d never have.

  Hannah took a deep breath, determined to clear her mind and enjoy whatever he’d arranged for her.