Rapturous A Tame Quantum Novel (Quantum Series Book 4) Read online

  I keep my voice down, lest Flynn and I be all over the tabloids tomorrow for “fighting” at the Vanity Fair party. “Do you think I need you to tell me that?”

  “Either go all in or hands off,” he says through gritted teeth. “I mean it.”

  “You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Remember when I told you that you had no business getting involved with Natalie?”

  “That’s not the same thing.”

  “Isn’t it? Isn't it exactly the same thing? A nice girl who deserves better than us?”

  With industry people and press in and out of the room, we can’t afford to let this get out of hand. So as much as we might like to let loose and go at it, we know better.

  “It’s not the same. Addie is—”

  I raise a brow in inquiry. “Special? Is that what you were going to say? And Natalie isn’t?” It’s never a good idea to drag a man’s wife into an argument, but I need Flynn to acknowledge his own double standard. Before he can pounce, I do. “Leave me alone, Flynn. I’m not going to touch her—and I’m certainly not going to hurt her. Why do you think I’ve kept my distance all this time? I don’t want to hurt her.”

  I start to walk away, but he grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him. “Give me your word.”

  I look into the eyes of my oldest and closest friend, my business partner, one of those few people I truly love. “Fuck you.” I rip my arm free of his hold and leave the room before I make the huge mistake of punching him.

  Chapter 2

  Since his sudden trip to the men’s room, Hayden has completely ignored me. I can’t even get him to make eye contact. I saw Flynn take off after Hayden, and when they returned to the table, they both seemed tense and pissed.

  “What do you suppose is going on with them?” Natalie asks.

  I suspect I know exactly what’s going on, but I can’t say it—not even to her. If I say it out loud, it becomes real, and I’ve never acknowledged my feelings for Hayden to anyone. I’m sure our mutual friends have their suspicions, as we’ve both done a piss-poor job of hiding our attraction. But feeling it and saying it are two very different things.

  “I don’t know,” I reply to Natalie. “You know how they are—best friends one minute and about to kill each other the next.” My hands are shaking, as is my earlier resolve to take what I want from him. I’m wavering. If I can’t even get him to look at me, how will I pull off a seduction?

  It’s not like I haven’t had lovers before. I have. Quite a few, in fact. But I’ve never felt this bone-deep sense of fear at the thought of what might happen if I blatantly come on to a guy. I don’t mean to be arrogant or anything, but I know I’m considered pretty by most people. My dad says I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, but he sort of has to say that.

  Guys look at me when I walk down the street. They have since high school, once my boobs showed up—better late than never—and my body filled out in other areas that men tend to notice. Okay, I’ll say it. I have a killer ass. Years of squats and lunges and Rollerblading have resulted in an ass that one ex-boyfriend called magnificent.

  I like that word. I have a magnificent ass, and fantastic boobs that are all mine, and real boobs in Hollywood are the exception rather than the rule. I work for the biggest movie star in the world. I have amazing friends, a fabulous condo at the Santa Monica Pier thanks to my awesome boss, who is also the big brother I never had, and tons of famous friends. I’m on a first-name basis with all the most important stylists in Hollywood. Not to mention, I’m smart, savvy and the most organized human being on this or any other planet.

  I’m a catch. I could have any guy I want, so why is it that the only guy I want is currently ignoring me? “It’s total bullshit,” I say as I glare at the man in question. Oh crap. Did I say that out loud? A glance in Natalie’s direction confirms my worst fears.

  “Um, what’s total bullshit?” she asks.

  Have I mentioned that I adore Flynn’s new wife? If I could’ve handpicked the perfect woman for him, I would’ve chosen Natalie. She’s lovely and sweet and sincere, and she loves him for him, not his fame. We hit it off the day we met and have become friends in the short time she’s been in his life. I want so badly to tell her what I’m thinking and feeling, but I’m afraid to cross the line that Flynn and I walk between our close friendship and our work relationship. I love Natalie, but she’s my boss’s wife.

  “Talk to me, Addie. Whatever’s wrong, let me help.”

  She says exactly what I need to hear, and suddenly I don’t care that she’s my boss’s wife. Right now she’s the girlfriend I desperately need, which is why I take her up on the generous offer. “I’m about to make a huge mistake.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I fix my gaze on Hayden, who’s standing a few feet away from our table, talking with actors whose names you’d recognize. Everyone wants a piece of him tonight. With his big win, he’s officially the hottest director in Hollywood. I could’ve told them that long before tonight.

  “Addie…”

  “I’m going to seduce him.”

  “Oh. Well. What’s your plan?”

  “When he brings me home later, I’m going to take him by the hand and pull him into my place. I’m not going to take no for an answer.” I tear my gaze off Hayden and glance at Natalie, who’s looking at me with big eyes. “You’re horrified, right?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “He kissed me, Nat. You saw it.”

  “The whole world saw it.”

  “That means something. I’m going for it. I don’t care anymore about all the reasons why I shouldn’t. I’m sick of wanting someone I can’t have—and knowing he wants me, too. We’re fucking adults. It’s time we started acting like it.”

  “I, um…”

  “What?”

  She starts to say something but stops herself. “Good luck.”

  “Do you think I’m crazy for acting this way?”

  “No. I understand it, actually. I just… Be careful, Addie. He…” She shakes her head. “You know him better than I do.”

  Something that looks an awful lot like guilt skitters across her face and is gone before I can be certain of what it was. Why in the world would Natalie feel guilty about anything where Hayden is concerned? I’m so amped up, I’m seeing things that aren’t there.

  Flynn slides back into the booth and puts his arm around Natalie. “You ready to go home for some private celebrating, baby?”

  “Whenever you are.”

  “Can we give you a lift, Addie?” he asks.

  “Oh, um, no, thanks. I’ll go with Hayden.”

  Flynn glowers at Hayden, who has a fresh drink in his hand and a whole new group of actors surrounding him. “You’d be better off coming with us. He’s just getting started.”

  How can I begin to compete against the beautiful women he works with every day? The women who throw themselves at him, hoping he’ll want them in one of his films? Some of them would do anything, give him anything, to get what they want.

  Stop, Addison. You’re worth a thousand of them, and you’ve never sacrificed your morals for a job. I realize Flynn is staring at me, probably wondering what level of meltdown I’m having.

  “I’ll keep an eye on him and make sure he gets home okay.” I get up to hug them both. “Congratulations again. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thanks, Addie.” He kisses my cheek. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “We both know that’s not true, but it’s nice to hear anyway.”

  “It’s entirely true. I’m sure I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “I’m sure you will.”

  When Natalie hugs me, she whispers, “Be careful” in my ear. I’m not sure what she’s telling me to be careful about. Is she warning me off Hayden? Why would she do that? Does she know something I don’t? Of course she doesn’t. She’s known him a couple of months.
I’ve known him for ten years. What could she possibly know that I don’t?

  I give her a reassuring smile and send her on her way. I try not to notice the way she looks back at me over her shoulder, her brows knitted with obvious concern. Does she think I can’t take care of myself? I love her, but she’s worrying needlessly. And why do I feel like the younger of the two of us when I’ve got four years on her?

  Summoning courage and resolve and determination to get what I want, I approach him and place my hand on his back.

  He startles when he realizes it’s me. “Oh, hey,” he says, still managing to avoid eye contact. Is he really that much of a coward?

  “What do you say we get out of here?” My heart beats wildly while I wait to hear what he’ll say.

  He finally looks directly at me, and the heat I see in those usually frosty blue eyes tells me everything I need to know. He wants me, but he doesn’t want to want me. I can work with that.

  “Um, okay. Sure.”

  After we say good-bye to Jasper, Kristian and Marlowe, I curl my hand around his arm, because of my four-inch heels and my legs feel rather unsteady all of a sudden. Despite my earlier bravado, I’m a nervous wreck about taking this particular bull by the horns, and Natalie’s odd reaction to my plans has put me further on edge than I already was.

  But that kiss… That damned kiss. Whatever happens next is his own fault. He started it. I intend to finish it once and for all. It’s about damned time.

  I’m gripped with indecision. Do I tell Flynn about Addie’s plan, or do I keep it to myself? Addie has no idea that Hayden, Flynn and the rest of the Quantum principals are Doms. She doesn’t know about Club Quantum or the playroom in Hayden’s Malibu house that tipped me off to his preferences even before I knew that Flynn shares them.

  My stomach hurts when I think about Addie getting way more than she bargained for with Hayden. But then I tell myself Hayden loves Addie. He’d never hurt her or push her too far or… God, I don’t know that for sure. Yes, I’ve gotten to know Hayden much better since our inauspicious first meeting when I messed up his shot in a Greenwich Village park and was subjected to a tirade. But I don’t really know him all that well. I certainly don’t have the first clue how he treats a woman in bed outside the Dom/sub relationship. Does he even have what they call “vanilla” sex?

  I don’t know, and the fact that Addie could be walking into something she’s woefully unprepared for has my nerves on full alert. My dilemma is not something I can easily hide from my incredibly attentive husband.

  “Why are you fidgeting?” he asks when we’re settled in the backseat of the car he hired to get us around on Oscar night.

  “No reason.” Addie has been a good friend to me from the first day we met, through the storm of my past being made public, to my marriage to Flynn and everything in between. She’s made me feel welcome in my new life, and I want our friendship to flourish. How can that happen, though, if I betray her confidence?

  Flynn snuggles up to me, and I end up on his lap with his arms around me and his lips doing wondrous things to my neck that have me on the verge of forgetting all about Addie and her plan.

  “Tell me what’s wrong. Did someone say something nasty to you? Who do I need to have killed?”

  “Don’t even say that. We’ve had enough murder mysteries tied to your name to last us a lifetime.” I’m still getting my head around the fact that my father killed the lawyer who ratted me out to the press. My father didn’t do it to avenge me, though. No, he did it because the lawyer besmirched my dad’s precious friend—the same friend who attacked and raped me when I was fifteen. My father has always chosen Oren over me—and he always will.

  “The girls had a good time tonight,” he says of my sisters, who’ve gone home to spend the night with his parents.

  “Thanks for including them.”

  “Of course they’re included. They’re our family.”

  “Yes,” I say with a happy sigh, “they are.” I love having my sisters back in my life, which has been the best thing to come out of the recent uproar over my past. Well, Flynn is the very best thing, but my sisters are right up there, too. Candace and Olivia grew into lovely young women during the eight years we spent apart, and I’m so proud of them.

  “Someone asked Jasper about Olivia,” Flynn says.

  I’m immediately on alert. “What about her?”

  “Whether she might be interested in modeling.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Jasper wouldn’t have told me if it wasn’t serious interest.”

  “I don’t know what to say to that. She’s got school and work and… Wow.”

  “I know, right?” His smile stretches across his handsome face. He’s had a lot to smile about lately after sweeping the award season for his amazing performance in Camouflage, not to mention getting married. “Will you tell her?” he asks.

  “I suppose I’ll have to. It should be her choice.”

  “I agree.” He kisses my cheek and then my lips. “Now will you please tell me what’s got you stressed out?”

  “You won’t like it.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “You know how Hayden kissed Addie and they were awfully cozy earlier?”

  Because I’m sitting on his lap, I’m instantly aware of his body tightening with tension. “What about it?”

  “She’s planning to seduce him. Tonight.”

  His brown eyes go wide with surprise. “She told you that?”

  Nodding, I say, “And please, you can’t make a big thing of it with her. She confided in me, and I don’t want her to think I run to you with everything she tells me.”

  “I understand, sweetheart. She’s become a friend, and I get that. You don’t have anything to worry about. Hayden won’t touch her.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because he knows I’d kill him if he touches her without being willing to commit to her. In fact, we had words about it in the men’s room tonight.”

  “What kind of words?”

  “The kind where I told him to leave her the hell alone if he’s not fully invested. He has no desire for a committed relationship, and she’s too important to me and everyone else in our group for him to play his games with her.”

  “From what she said, I don’t think she plans to take no for an answer.”

  “He won’t let it happen.”

  Hearing that, my heart aches for poor Addie.

  Flynn traces his finger over my lips. “Why is my wife sad?”

  “I’m worried about her. She really cares about him. I understand why it might not be a good idea for them to get together, but I hate the thought of her being disappointed.”

  “I do, too, but it’s for the best. She wants love and marriage and babies and a life with someone. After the way he was raised, he wants nothing to do with any of that.”

  “How was he raised?”

  “Ah, jeez,” Flynn says with a deep sigh, “his family life was a disaster. His parents split before he was born. His mom, who has chronic drug and alcohol issues, has been married and divorced three times, but Hayden is her only child, so all her problems fall on his shoulders. He just paid for another trip to rehab for her, and now he’s in that fragile, hopeful period of waiting to see if it’ll work this time, and the rest of us are waiting to prop him up when it doesn’t. His dad is on wife number four—she’s three years younger than we are—and Hayden has a bunch of half siblings from his dad who he barely knows. Both his parents had some early success as actors, but they faded out pretty quickly, and now they’re has-beens. His dad hits him up for money on the rare occasions Hayden actually hears from him.”

  “I knew his family was messed up, but I didn’t know how messed up.” Hearing his story softens me to Hayden ever so slightly. He isn’t my favorite of Flynn’s friends, even if he did step up for me during the firestorm of my painful past becoming public, but I know how important he is to Flynn, so I try to respect that.

&nbs
p; “It’s been really embarrassing for him. He keeps his distance from the whole catastrophe, but he has no desire to ever get married after the hell his parents’ various marriages put him through. He thinks marriage is for idiots.”

  “We know better, don’t we?”

  “We certainly do.”

  “You changed your mind. Maybe he’ll change his under the right circumstances.”

  “I suppose anything is possible, but his scars run pretty deep on that subject, even deeper than mine did after the horror show with Valerie.” He scowls at the mention of his ex-wife. “The shit with his parents made for a very unhappy childhood for him, and when they ask him for money…” Flynn shakes his head, his disgust apparent. “It’s hard on him.”

  “Maybe someone like Addie is exactly what he needs.”

  “You’ve seen him at the club, Nat. Can you picture her wrapped up in his ropes, while he spends hours torturing her every way he can think of?”

  “Not really, but you couldn’t picture me there either, and we know how that turned out.”

  His grunt of laughter makes me smile. “You think you’re quite clever, don’t you, Mrs. G?”

  “I know I’m clever, and you know I’m right. She might take to the lifestyle the same way I did.”

  He cringes. “I can’t even…”

  “Don’t think of her as Addie, your adored assistant and the little sister you never had. Think of her as a woman with a mind and heart of her own.”

  “I’m happy to think of her that way, as long as I’m not thinking of her as a woman with Hayden.”

  “He’s your best friend, Flynn.”

  “And I love him. He’s a great friend and business partner, a talented filmmaker and a better son than his parents deserve.”

  “But?”

  “I worry that he’ll hurt her.”

  “So you’d stand in the way of her happiness? It’ll matter to her if you don’t approve.”

  “She’s all light and love and joy. He’s dark and broody and broken. As much as I want them both to be happy, I fear it would turn into a match made in hell for her.” He curves a hand around my ass. “And now I don’t want to talk about them. I want to talk about us and how we’re going to celebrate my big win.”