All My Loving Read online

  Molly smiled. “Not at all. I’ve known some real loons in my time. What you’re feeling is totally normal. The fire was a big wake-up call, a reminder that nothing is guaranteed.”

  “It really was. Just when I think I’m getting better, Landon does something nice for me, and I dissolve into tears all over again. The poor guy can’t catch a break with me.”

  “I’m sure he’s just fine. He understands you’re emotional after the fire.”

  “There’s emotional, and then there’s me. I’ve been taking it to a whole other level lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he sent me packing.”

  “He’s not going to do that. You weren’t there, so you don’t know how he jumped right in to volunteer when we discussed that you’d need somewhere to go after you were released from the hospital. He wouldn’t hear of any other plan but you coming home with him.”

  “I… I didn’t know that.”

  “You’re here because he very much wanted you to be. People tend to underestimate him and Lucas. They think the two of them are nothing more than silly clowns—and they can definitely be that. But there’s a lot of substance beneath their tomfoolery.”

  “I’ve seen that since the fire. He’s been incredible. He hasn’t left my side, except to go to work, since I got here.”

  “That sounds like him. He’s true blue, but you don’t need me singing his praises. You’ve seen it with your own eyes.”

  “I have.”

  “Don’t worry about being emotional around him. He can handle it.”

  “I’m not sure that I can.”

  Molly laughed. “I bet you’re stronger than you think. In the time we’ve known you, all I’ve seen is a strong, capable, competent, intelligent woman.”

  The kind words from someone she greatly respected had her weeping again. “You see? All it takes is someone being nice to me, and I’m a disaster.”

  Molly hugged her again. “I promise you’ll get through this strange phase, and you’ll start to get used to feeling all the things again. Maybe it’ll turn out to be a blessing that this happened. It’s not healthy to stuff your feelings into a box for years on end. That’s not sustainable long-term.”

  “Is that what happened to you?”

  Molly nodded. “I was numb for five years. I met Linc right after I graduated from college, and when I started to feel all the things for him, I had a similar reaction. I finally grieved the boyfriend I’d lost. It was like a delayed reaction. I knew Linc was the one for me when he never blinked an eye at me crying over another man.”

  “I’ve cried more about the thing from high school in the last week than I have in all the years since it happened.”

  “Because the fire opened the door to all those old emotions. I’m so sorry you’re hurting that way. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

  “This has helped. More than you know. Thank you for listening and for understanding.”

  “I do understand, and I feel for you. Emotional overload after years of numbness is tough to take.”

  “It is, and it helps to hear it might be normal, despite how it feels.”

  “It’s completely normal.” Molly handed her yet another tissue. “I promise you’re going to survive this, and perhaps be better off once you figure out how to process everything you’re feeling.”

  “I’ll have to take your word on that.”

  “You have my number if you ever need to talk. I’m always available to you.”

  “Thank you so much, Molly. For dinner and for listening.”

  “Any time. Hang in there. Like the storm raging outside, the one raging inside you will pass, too, and I promise you’ll be just fine.”

  Amanda hugged her. “I hope you’re right.”

  “I usually am. Just ask my children.”

  Laughing, Amanda said, “How do you stand knowing your sons are out in this awful storm?”

  “They’re very well trained, and they love what they do. Besides, all Vermonters are used to bad weather. It doesn’t faze us.”

  “You’re made of hardy stock, as my mother would say.”

  “We have to be. Reach out if you need anything at all. You’re not alone with the Abbott family in your corner.”

  Amanda got up and hobbled to the door to see Molly out. “Thanks again.”

  “Take care of yourself, Amanda.”

  “I will.”

  Amanda waved from the door as Molly drove off, and then she locked up since she had no way to know when Landon might make it home. She decided to retrieve her dinner from the oven and enjoyed every savory bite of the meal Molly had brought. It was so nice of her to do that, and to listen to Amanda’s troubles, too.

  Molly had given her a new perspective by telling her there would be sunshine after the rain and that the emotions battering her since the fire were actually healthy despite how dreadful she felt at the moment.

  That was the best news she’d had in days.

  Chapter Two

  “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

  —Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

  Landon trudged through wind, driving rain and ankle-deep mud that slowed him down. A spotlight attached to his helmet provided limited help in seeing through rain that hadn’t let up in hours. Mother Nature was being a serious bitch this year, with the rainiest May on record extending mud season weeks longer than usual. After this latest downpour, they’d be in for more mud when they should’ve been settling into summer.

  His voice had gone hoarse from screaming the names of the three teens who’d gone missing almost four hours ago. They were tourists from southern Connecticut who’d had no idea they’d entered a whole other world in the Vermont mountains. They’d thought it would be fun to leave their hotel for a late-afternoon hike.

  During a Nor’easter.

  Now Landon, four of his six brothers, their cousins Grayson and Noah, and ten others from the Butler Mountain search-and-rescue service were trying to find them. Good times. In the meantime, the rain fell and accumulated at an alarming rate as the temperature continued to drop. The very real fear of flooding hung over the effort. A few years ago, a spring storm just like this one had caused the creeks to overflow into the town.

  No one knew what the kids had been wearing when they left the hotel, but the searchers were operating under the assumption that they were in no way prepared to be out in weather like this for hours.

  Landon was connected to the rest of the team by satellite radios that conveyed the coordinates of each searcher. The radios made it possible to split up and cover more ground rather than rely on the buddy system, like they had before satellite technology made it safe to work alone.

  He welcomed the time to himself to ponder the confounding situation with his sexy roommate. Having Amanda living in his cabin was wonderful—and torturous. The house was so small that her distinctive sexy scent invaded every corner of the place. He had to move her toothbrush to get to his own, had to step over her pile of folded clothes to get to his closet. She was everywhere he looked, and he liked looking at her—a little too much, if he was being honest.

  He’d tried to keep his distance, to give her room to recover and cope with the emotional overload that came from surviving a fire, but it was hard to keep your distance from someone when you were living practically on top of each other.

  Not that he’d mind being on top of her.

  “Cut it out,” he muttered as he stopped moving to take a breather. The mud was getting so deep, it was becoming harder to get through it, not to mention the cold was seeping through his foul-weather gear into his bones. He reached into his pocket for a protein bar and downed it in three big bites, chasing it with Gatorade.

  Amanda was in no condition for him to be thinking of her that way. The poor girl hadn’t stopped crying since the fire, and the last thing she needed was him panting after her. But what did it say about him that he thought she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, even when her face and eyes were red and puffy from c
rying? What did it say about him that he wanted to wrap his arms around her and make everything that was hurting her better? He didn’t dare do it, but oh, how he wanted to.

  The radio came to life with a query from his brother Wade. “How long are we going to look?”

  His brother Will said, “I was just at the firehouse. The parents are hysterical. All they could talk about was how they’re good kids—on the honor roll, varsity athletes. We gotta keep going.”

  Landon had known someone was going to say it. They never gave up before they found the people they were looking for. Most of the time, they were alive, if half frozen and suffering from exposure. It’d been a few years since they lost someone on the mountain. He’d like to keep that record intact and knew his brothers, cousins and friends felt the same way.

  The kids they were looking for were someone’s sons, grandsons, brothers, friends. Whenever they looked for missing people, Landon tried to imagine it was one of his siblings or cousins, and he tried to give strangers the same effort he’d give his own family.

  He continued on, powering through the wet, heavy mud as he blazed a trail in the direction where the teens were last seen. No one knew how far they could’ve gotten before the storm intensified, so they were basically looking for needles in the proverbial haystack.

  “Connor! Jeremy! Michael!”

  He’d called for them so many times by now, his voice was nearly shot. But he kept going, kept yelling out the names every few feet, while trying not to think about the situation at home. Easier said than done. He liked thinking about her, loved having her living in his cabin, even though he hated the reason she needed shelter, and was upset to see her so undone for days now. Landon wouldn’t wish getting caught in a fire on anyone. It was terrifying, even when you were wearing fire-retardant equipment and equipped with oxygen.

  He wouldn’t soon forget realizing the roof had fallen in on the room where Lucas had gone to rescue Amanda. Knowing two people he cared about were in mortal danger had been one of the most frightening experiences of Landon’s life.

  His identical twin was his best friend. The thought of even a day without Lucas was unfathomable. A week after the fire, Landon still felt sick when he considered the magnitude of what he’d nearly lost that night, especially since things between him and Lucas had been tense after they both went out with Amanda.

  She’d tried to be nice to them when they’d asked her out at the same time, but had ended up in a bad situation when both brothers had a great time with her.

  Lucas had been so upset about the situation with Amanda, he’d left town to get away from it all. On that trip, he’d rescued Dani and her baby girl, Savannah, and had fallen for both of them.

  With Lucas now out of the Amanda picture, Landon had been trying to figure out his next move, while also trying to get a read on her and whether she wanted to hang out again as more than just platonic roommates.

  Before the fire, Amanda had stayed in Butler to work on a rewrite of her company’s catalog. Lucas had pointed out that she could’ve done that anywhere and had made the choice to stay in Butler, probably because of Landon.

  Landon had been skeptical about that and had planned to talk to her about what, if anything, was going on between them, but then the fire had happened, and they’d had far bigger things to worry about ever since. So he still had no clue what she was thinking where he was concerned, but she was staying in his cabin, so that gave him an advantage he hadn’t had before.

  For all the good that’d done him. In between her bouts of weeping, they’d barely exchanged more than ten sentences per day as they discussed what they wanted to heat up for dinner from the ton of food his family had made for them.

  With her feeling so fragile, this was no time to push her in any direction. However, he was miserable from wanting something more substantial with a woman for the first time in his adult life and having no earthly idea how to make it happen.

  He was jolted out of his thoughts by a noise that had him stopping to listen more closely. When he didn’t hear anything, he called out again for the boys.

  The weak sound of “help” came from his right.

  Landon set off in that direction while keying his radio to report in. “I might have something.” He pushed hard through the mud, mindful of staying on the path so he wouldn’t fall down the side of an embankment. Their team knew this mountain so well they rarely had to worry about falling. However, situational awareness was critical so they didn’t end up needing to be rescued themselves.

  “Are you out there? Let me hear you!”

  “Help! Over here!”

  “I’ve got them,” Landon reported.

  The team would use his coordinates to send in backup.

  One of the boys was standing, waving to him as he battled his way through brush to reach them. “Are all three of you here?” Landon asked.

  “Yeah, but Michael… He stopped talking an hour ago.”

  Landon pulled his backpack off and moved quickly to withdraw thermal blankets for each of them. “Help me get him wrapped up.”

  The boys had created a bunker of sorts under a grove of trees, and from the indentations in the mud, he could tell they’d been huddled together to share body heat, a smart move that had kept them warmer than they would’ve been on their own. “Which one of you is Connor?”

  “Me.” They wore sweatshirts and jeans that were completely soaked through. Even in late spring, hypothermia was a real concern in the mountains, especially under these conditions.

  “That means you’re Jeremy?”

  “Yeah.”

  Landon gave them protein bars and bottles of Gatorade to start getting them rehydrated and then reported in. “All three are alive. Michael is unresponsive, possibly hypothermic. We need to get him out of here.”

  “On the way,” Landon’s eldest brother, Hunter, replied. “Five minutes out.”

  “Can you two still walk?” Landon asked the other boys.

  “I can,” Connor said.

  Jeremy’s teeth chattered so hard he could barely speak. “I-I th-think s-so.”

  With Hunter’s help, Landon could carry Michael out.

  “We’ve got a two-mile hike to get out of here. We’re going to have to move fast for Michael.”

  “We can do that,” Connor said, glancing at Jeremy.

  Jeremy nodded.

  “We’re really sorry,” Connor said, sounding tearful. “We never should’ve left the hotel. We didn’t mean to go so far.”

  “Let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s stay focused on getting you guys warmed up.”

  “N-never b-be w-warm a-again,” Jeremy said, shivering.

  “Yes, you will. I promise.”

  Hunter arrived on the scene, and between the two of them, they hoisted Michael up and headed for the trail, following it for two long miles before they reached a clearing where a fire department SUV waited to transport the boys. They loaded Michael into the back, while the other two boys got into the back seat.

  “Let’s go with him,” Landon said.

  Hunter got into the front seat with one of the other searchers driving, and Landon crawled into the back with Michael. On the way to the hospital, he removed Michael’s soaking-wet sweatshirt and used the supplies in his pack to start an IV to pump some fluid into the boy. He was grateful to feel a regular, though shallow, pulse.

  “Is he going to be all right?” Connor asked, looking over the seat, his face muddy.

  Landon noticed a cut under Connor’s left eye that would need attention at the ER.

  “I think so.” Landon didn’t tell him that he’d probably found them with very little time left to spare for Michael.

  Jeremy sobbed as he shook violently.

  The boys had learned a tough lesson about mountain life, and it was one they weren’t apt to forget any time soon.

  * * *

  The dogs were in the yard when Molly returned home to the barn she’d shared with her husband, Lincoln, for
close to forty years now. It never failed to stir her to see their home lit up at night and to think about how the place had looked the first time they saw it. Linc had bought a wreck, sight unseen, and they’d created a home where they’d raised ten children. And now, as their children settled into marriages and long-term relationships, their family continued to grow.

  “There you are,” Linc said when he met her at the door. “I was just starting to wonder if you’d forgotten the way home.”

  “Never.” She kissed him and let him help her out of her coat. “We’re going to need to towel off those pups. They were rolling in the mud.”

  “They do love them some mud season.”

  “Indeed.”

  He grabbed the old towels they used for the dogs and handed one to her. “Ready?”

  “Let’s do it.”

  He let in George and Ringo, both of them female yellow Labs named for members of Lincoln’s favorite band. They were the third George and Ringo they’d had, along with three Johns and four Pauls over the years, each of them beloved members of the family.

  Molly dried Ringo while Linc wrestled with George. Both dogs thought they were playing, which made for a challenging and funny few minutes.

  “Why do they always think that’s a game?” Linc asked after the dogs had run in to warm up by the hearth in the family room.

  “Every one of them is the same that way.”

  “How was your visit with Amanda? Is she any better?”

  “Physically, she seems to be getting around much better, but emotionally, she’s dealing with a lot after the fire.”

  “Which is completely understandable.”

  “Yes. Any word from the boys?”

  “Nothing yet.”

  “I sure hope they find those kids.”

  “They will. They always do.” He put his arm around her and guided her to the sofa in the family room, where they spent most of their time.

  “What’s Max up to?”

  “Not sure. He went up to give Caden a bath and put him to bed. Haven’t seen him since.”