All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel Read online

  The final forty-five minutes were, indeed, the longest minutes of Amanda’s life. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

  Landon sat next to her on the sofa, holding her hand and doing his best to keep her calm. “She’ll love you. How can she not?”

  “What if she changes her mind?”

  “She won’t.”

  “What if I can’t do it? I’ve never been anyone’s mother. What if I screw her up?”

  “You won’t. After reading her letter to you, it’s obvious she’s already a great kid. You’ll just be taking over what her mother started.”

  “When are you going to get sick of me and tell me to get out of your house so you can get your life back?”

  “Um, never? I love having you here.”

  “I can’t imagine why. All I’ve done is cry all over you and bring massive amounts of drama to your previously peaceful existence.”

  “That’s not all you’ve done, and my peaceful existence was boring compared to having you here.”

  She laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m crazy about you. You’ve got enough going on without worrying about me getting sick of you. That’s not going to happen.”

  “It could happen.”

  He kissed her, probably to shut her up, and really, who could blame him? “Not going to happen.”

  “I’m lucky to have such a good friend at a time when I need one very badly.”

  “Everything is going to be fine. I know it. Just keep breathing and take it one minute at a time.”

  “I’m still figuring out how to do that. I’m used to having plans for my plans, and nothing is going according to plan.”

  “You’re writing a whole new plan, and I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

  At one minute before nine, Landon got up, retrieved the portable phone and handed it to her. “Do you want me to stay?”

  “God, yes.”

  Smiling, he returned to the sofa and put his arm around her. “Keep breathing.”

  “I’m trying.” Her hands trembled as she dialed the number she’d all but memorized and listened to it ring. And when the voice of a young girl answered with a cheerful “Hello,” tears flooded her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.

  “This is Amanda. Your, um…”

  “Biological mother.”

  “Yes. It’s me.”

  “Thank you so much for responding to our letter and for calling. I wasn’t sure if you would.”

  “Your letter touched me so deeply. How’s your mother doing?”

  “She’s mostly okay right now, but we know that’s not going to last.”

  Stella’s matter-of-fact summary impressed Amanda and broke her heart, too. “I’m so, so sorry for both of you.”

  “Thank you. We’re trying to be realistic and make plans. I’m a planner. I always have to know what I’m doing.”

  Amanda gasped. “I… So am I. I joke that I have plans for my plans.”

  “Then I get that from you.”

  “Yes,” Amanda said, closing her eyes in a failed attempt to stop another flood of tears.

  “That’s the weird thing about being adopted. I don’t know where any of these things come from. Like my hair color or my eye color or who I look like.”

  “You look like I did when I was your age, but you have your father’s green eyes.”

  “Wow. It’s so cool to finally know that. Do you still talk to him?”

  “No, I haven’t seen him since before you were born.”

  “Oh. Can you tell me his name?”

  “Jimmy.”

  “Were you guys together for long?”

  “No, it was a short-lived thing, and he was away at college by the time I found out I was pregnant with you.”

  “Did he know about me?”

  “He did.” Amanda tried to think of how to answer Stella’s unspoken question. “We were both really young and not in any way prepared to take care of a baby.”

  “I understand.”

  “We wanted to do what was best for you, but you should know that giving you up broke my heart. I was never the same afterward.”

  Landon squeezed her shoulder.

  Amanda leaned into him, closing her eyes to absorb the blow that hit like it had just happened five minutes ago rather than twelve years. That was the downside of feeling everything after being numb for so long.

  “Thank you for telling me that,” Stella said. “I’ve had so many questions about where I came from and stuff. It’s good to know.”

  “I’ll always tell you anything you want to know, if I can.”

  “Are you married?”

  “Nope.”

  “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  Amanda raised her head off Landon’s shoulder and glanced at him.

  He nodded.

  “I think maybe I do.”

  Stella laughed. “You’re not sure?”

  “It’s kind of new still. We haven’t really put labels on it yet.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Landon.”

  “That’s a nice name.”

  “He’s a nice guy.”

  “Is he cute?”

  Amanda laughed. “I think so, and so does every other woman in the town where he lives.”

  Landon scowled playfully at her.

  “So it’s like that, huh?”

  “He tells me he’s become a one-woman kind of guy lately.” Amanda wasn’t sure if she was saying too much or if it was appropriate to share such things with a twelve-year-old, but she was determined to be honest with her.

  “That’s the best kind of boyfriend to have. My mom tells me not to date boys who need all the girls to like them. She said the good ones only like one girl at a time.”

  “Your mom is very wise.”

  “What should I call you?”

  The sweet, innocent question tugged at Amanda’s heart. “How about Amanda?”

  “That would be okay with you?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay.”

  “Could I ask you something?” Amanda said.

  “Sure.”

  “How would you feel about living in Vermont? When the time comes…”

  After a brief pause, she said, “I suppose that would be okay.”

  “It’s only a few hours from where you live now. I could take you there to see your friends any time you wanted.”

  “That’d be cool. We only moved here last summer, but I have a couple of new friends. What’s it like in Vermont? I haven’t been there.”

  “It’s so pretty here. There are mountains and trees and beautiful streams that freeze in the winter.”

  “Are you from there?”

  “No, I’m from St. Louis, Missouri, originally. I came to Vermont for work, and I’ve fallen in love with it.”

  “Where do you work?”

  “I work for a company that sells products to stores, and I go around training their sales teams on how to sell our products. I also go to a lot of trade shows every year, but I’m changing jobs so I don’t have to travel so much.” Amanda prayed Stella wouldn’t ask about the products she represented.

  “Are you changing jobs because of me?”

  “No. I’m doing it for me, but it’ll be better for you, too.”

  “What’s your new job going to be?”

  “I’m still working that out, but I promise I’ll provide a stable, comfortable home for you when you need it. And in the meantime, I’ll do anything I can to help you through this difficult time.”

  “It’s really nice of you to be so cool about all this. I’m sure it was a surprise to get my letter.”

  “It was the best kind of surprise to hear from you, but I’m very sorry about the circumstances.”

  “Yeah, me, too. Well, I guess I ought to go take a shower and finish my homework.”

  “It was really nice to talk to you. Can we do it again soon?”

  “Sure.”

 
“Call me any time you want on this number, and let me give you my cell number. The service isn’t great in this town, but I’ll call you back as soon as I can if I miss your call.”

  “Wait, the cell service is bad in your town?”

  “It is. Is that a deal-breaker?”

  “It may be,” Stella said, laughing.

  Her laugh was the best thing Amanda had ever heard. “Believe it or not, you do get used to it.”

  “I’m not sure that’s possible.”

  “You’ll have to trust me on that.”

  “If you say so. My mom was wondering if she could say hello real quick.”

  “Of course. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “It was really nice to talk to you, Amanda. Thank you, you know… for what you’re doing.”

  “I’m so, so happy to talk to you, too.” That had to be the understatement of Amanda’s lifetime.

  “Here’s my mom.”

  “Hi, Amanda, this is Kelly. Thank you so much. It means the world to both of us.”

  “I’m very sorry for the reason you need my help.”

  “I’m trying to make peace with it and do my best to support Stella. She’s really a terrific kid.” Kelly’s voice broke.

  “I could tell that from her letter and even more so after speaking to her.”

  “You should know I have good life insurance, and she’s my beneficiary. You won’t have to support her entirely on your own, and her college will be covered.”

  “That’s not a concern, but thank you for letting me know.”

  “It matters to me that you stepped up before you knew any of that.”

  Amanda used a tissue to mop up her tears. “I’ve never stopped thinking of her. Not for one minute.”

  “That matters to me, too. I’d like for you and Stella to meet in person as soon as we can make that happen.”

  “Would the weekend after next work for you?” Amanda wanted Landon with her, and with his brother’s wedding that coming weekend, she couldn’t ask him to miss it.

  “Yes, that’d be fine.”

  “Very good. I’ll speak to you before then, and we’ll make some plans.”

  “I hope you know that you’ve provided peace of mind for someone you’ve never met.”

  “I wish there was more I could do.”

  “This is more than enough. Stella will want to call again soon.”

  “I’ll be here. Any time. Maybe we could FaceTime next time.”

  “I’m sure she’d love that. Thank you again.”

  They said their goodbyes. Amanda turned off the portable phone and placed it on the coffee table. After a long moment of silence, she said, “So that was my daughter.”

  “That was your daughter.” He drew her into his arms and held on tight. “She sounds delightful.”

  “Doesn’t she?”

  “I can’t wait to meet her. I can only imagine how you must feel.”

  “I feel very lucky I’m getting this second chance with her, but awful about what’s happening to Kelly.”

  “It’s a very fine line between elation and devastation.”

  “Yes,” she said, relieved he understood. “And I’m fully aware it’s a lot to bring into our relatively new situation.”

  “I’m not a situation. I’m your boyfriend. You said so.”

  “And that’s what you want? To be my boyfriend?”

  “Hell yes. Only if you’ll be my girlfriend.”

  “Nothing would make me happier.” She leaned her head on his chest. “Thank you for being so great about all this.”

  “I assume you’ll be just as great to me whenever we run into my exes around town.”

  Amanda laughed at the outrageous statement. “Because that’s exactly the same thing.”

  “I’m glad you see it the same way I do.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go to bed and snuggle.”

  “Is that code for have sex?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “A wild guess. Don’t you have to go back to the firehouse?”

  “I’ll get there. Eventually.”

  Amanda had talked to her daughter and survived the emotional overload, thanks in large part to Landon and his steady, calming presence. Not only was he fun, funny and a god in bed, but he was also one of the best people she’d ever met.

  It would be so easy to fall madly in love with a man like that.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.”

  —John Quincy Adams

  They spent all day Saturday together until Landon had to leave for work. On Sunday, they went to dinner at the barn, and after a fun and funny time with his family, Landon asked his dad if he could borrow his Range Rover for a short ride.

  “Of course,” Linc said. “But is there something wrong with your truck?”

  Landon followed Linc to the mudroom to get the keys. “Amanda wants to learn to drive a stick, and yours is the only one in the family.”

  “Can she do that with her ankle?”

  “Her ankle is much better, so I’ll let her decide if she wants to try it yet. I can at least show her how.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” He handed over the keys to Landon. “So things are good between you two?”

  “Very good. Amazing, in fact.”

  “That’s great to hear. Dani mentioned Amanda might be interested in working at the warehouse, and I heard she’s got appointments with Mildred and Elmer this week for the catalog.”

  “That’s right.”

  “I’m happy for you, son. She’s a lovely young lady.”

  “Yes, she is.” Landon looked around his dad’s shoulder to make sure they were still alone. “When she was in high school, she gave up a daughter for adoption. The child has recently come back into her life.” He explained about what was happening with Stella and Kelly. “Amanda is going to step up for her, and I guess that means I will, too.”

  “That’s a big deal. How do you feel about that?”

  “If you had asked me a few months ago if I was ready to be a father figure to anyone, I would’ve laughed. But now there’s nothing funny about it, you know?”

  “I do know.”

  “Right,” Landon said, laughing. “Ten kids.”

  “I’ve always said it takes a very special man to become a father to someone else’s child. I thought that with Gray and Simone, and now Lucas and Savvy. It’s a beautiful thing to open your heart to a child because you want to, not because you necessarily have to. Not that I ever felt like I had to with you kids, but I think you get my meaning.”

  “I do. And from what I’ve seen and heard so far, Stella is a delightful kid. We’re going to Albany to meet her in person the weekend after the wedding.”

  “It’s good that you’re going with Amanda for that.”

  “I’d never want her to do that alone. She’s been so emotional since the fire. She says it’s because the brush with death surfaced all the crap from after she gave up Stella. She was just starting to deal with it when she got the letter from the adoption agency.”

  “It’s a lot for anyone to cope with, especially when starting a new relationship.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “I wouldn’t be your dad if I didn’t tell you to look out for yourself in the midst of her emotional tsunami.”

  “I am.”

  Lincoln tipped his head and gave Landon a shrewd look. “You sure about that?”

  “I’m trying.”

  Linc nodded. “Don’t take your eye off that ball, son. I understand the desire to be there for her, especially with what she’s dealing with. But make sure she’s there for you, too.”

  “I hear you.”

  “Good, then my work here is finished.”

  “Is your work ever actually finished?”

  “No. Never.”

  Landon laughed at the emphatic way his dad said that. “It’s your own fault for having ten ki
ds.”

  “Believe me, I tell myself that every day. All kidding aside, though, I’m here if you need me.”

  Landon gave his dad a quick hug. “Thanks. I always know that.”

  Amanda came hobbling into the mudroom. “There you are. I wondered where you went.”

  “Sorry. I was borrowing my dad’s keys so I can teach you how to drive a stick. You ready for your first lesson?”

  She clapped her hands with delight. “Sure.”

  “Go easy on my clutch,” Linc said over his shoulder as he returned to the kitchen. “She’s delicate.”

  “What’s a clutch?” Amanda asked in all seriousness.

  Linc spun around, looking stricken. “Oh my God.”

  Landon laughed at the face his father made. “Relax, Dad. We’ll take good care of her. Don’t worry.” He retrieved their coats off the row of hooks that were labeled with each of their names. His was second to last.

  “I know I’ve said it before, but those hooks are the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Landon held her coat for her. “Ever?”

  Amanda turned her back to him and slid the coat on. “Ever. I love your family.”

  “They love you, too.”

  She turned back to face him. “Do you think so?”

  He scooped her hair out of the back of her coat and let it slide through his fingers. “I know so. They tease you like you’re one of us. That’s always a good sign.”

  “They do make me laugh, that’s for sure.”

  They walked outside to the Range Rover that was his dad’s pride and joy. Landon helped her get settled in the passenger seat. When he was seated in the driver’s seat, he pointed to the pedals on the floor. “Note the presence of the third pedal.”

  “What is that?”

  “The clutch. Pressing that allows you to change gears. I’ll show you.” He wiggled the stick shift to take it out gear and fired up the engine. “Watch.” He pushed in the clutch and shifted the car into Reverse. “The secret to driving a stick is releasing the clutch slowly as you give it gas.” The car began to roll backward. “See?”

  “I think so.”

  At the end of the driveway, he brought the car to a stop. “I’m pressing the clutch again to go from Reverse to first gear.”

  “How can you tell where the gears are?”

  He pointed to the drawing on the shifter nob. “This is a five-speed, so there’s a fifth gear for when you’re on the highway.” With the car in first, he slowly released the clutch as he gave it some gas.