Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel Read online

  His fingers dig into my shoulder, and his jaw tightens with tension. “What did you say?”

  “I told her I’d see if you wanted to.”

  “You had to ask?” His eyes are covered by his sunglasses, but I don’t need to be able to see his eyes to know what they look like. “Are you comfortable leaving the kids with her?”

  “I think so. I feel a little guilty, though.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve hardly ever left them with anyone other than the woman in our building who watched them for me.”

  “We don’t have to, Aileen. Not until you’re comfortable with her. For what it’s worth, I’ve known her for a couple of years through my assistant, Lori, who’s her roommate.”

  “It’s worth a lot. In fact, I was just thinking that as a nurse, she’s more qualified to be with them than I am.”

  “That’s not true. No one is more qualified to be with them than you are.”

  I lean my head against him, and it feels so natural to stand there watching my kids with his arm around me and my head resting against his chest. I could get used to this. “You’re out of work early.”

  “I couldn’t get shit done from wanting to be with you.”

  That decides it for me. I need to spend some time alone with him. I call the kids over, and Cece follows, keeping a close eye on them, which I appreciate.

  “How would you guys like to hang with Cece for a little while?”

  “Can we?” Maddie asks while Logan looks on, his expression giving nothing away.

  “If you want to. Cece said she’s free tonight and can spend some time with you guys while I go to dinner with Mr. Kristian.”

  “What’ll we do for dinner?” Logan asks.

  Kristian pulls out his wallet and hands him three twenties. “How about you take these lovely ladies out for pizza?”

  Logan takes the money, brightening considerably at being given such responsibility by Kristian.

  “I know a great place that we can walk to,” Cece says.

  Kristian hands Logan another twenty. “Get ice cream after, too.”

  “Awesome,” Logan says. “Let’s go, you guys.”

  “Wait a minute.” I point to my cheek, and my son rolls his eyes as he comes over to kiss me.

  Maddie does the same.

  “Love you guys.”

  Cecelia and I exchange phone numbers, and I give her the key to the house.

  “Are they allergic to anything?” she asks.

  “Not that I know of.”

  “Bedtime?”

  “By nine at the latest, if you can get them there. They can take their own showers, but Maddie might need a little supervision.”

  “No problem. We’ve got this, right, guys?”

  “Yep,” Maddie says.

  “Can we go now?” Logan asks.

  “Sure, I’ll see you in the morning. Love you.”

  They take off with Cece, shouting, “I love you, too,” over their shoulders.

  The second they’re out of earshot, Kristian says, “Come home with me.”

  Chapter 16

  I look up at him, and he kisses me, right there on the playground with the sun setting behind us. The beach is crowded, but everything and everyone fades away until there’s only him, holding me and kissing me with the kind of passion I never knew was possible until he showed me how it could be.

  “Come home with me, Aileen,” he says again, much more urgently this time.

  With our bodies tightly aligned, I can feel how badly he wants me. “Let’s go.”

  He keeps his arm around me as we walk—so quickly I have trouble keeping up with him—back to my house, where his car is parked in front.

  “I should change.” I’m beginning to feel panicky about whether my legs need to be shaved or if I’m sweaty from the walk to the beach.

  “You don’t need clothes for this date.” He holds the car door open, imploring me to get in.

  I get in the car. Who cares if my legs are shaved when a hot, sexy man who makes me crazy with desire wants to take me home and have his wicked way with me?

  The minute the car is moving forward, his hand is on my leg, his heat branding my skin.

  Now that the moment is upon me, I’m riddled with worries and insecurities and…

  “Stop it,” he says, his voice a low, gruff growl. “Whatever you’re thinking that’s making you tighter than a drum, knock it off.”

  I remind myself to breathe, to try to relax, to remember this is Kristian, who has been so good to me and my kids. I have nothing to fear from him, but even knowing that, I worry about whether he’ll want to dominate me, if I’ll be enough for him, if he’ll—

  “Aileen.”

  The single word is like a command. “Yes?”

  “Stop.” After a long pause, he says, “Nothing will happen unless you want it to, and everything about you is perfection to me. Whatever you’re thinking, however you’re blowing this up in your mind, don’t. If you had any idea how much I want you, you’d get out at the next light and run away.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Neither am I, so stop worrying.”

  “It’s been a really long time for me.”

  “I know that, sweetheart. I’ll take good care of you. I promise.”

  His sweet words go a long way toward calming my nerves, but they don’t do anything to stop the tingling on the surface of my skin or the ache between my legs that intensifies the closer we get to his place. Traffic is heavy this time of day, and it takes longer than it should.

  “Fucking hell,” he mutters when we have to sit through one light a second time.

  His impatience is endearing.

  “You were good with Logan back there, giving him the money and asking him to take the girls out to dinner.”

  “I could tell he wasn’t completely sold on staying with Cece.”

  “You don’t believe me when I tell you you’re great with them, but there’s another example. I would like to know how much you’re paying her to stay with them for the premiere.”

  “That’s between me and her.”

  “I want to know.”

  “I’m not telling you.”

  “I’ll get it out of you.”

  His huff of laughter makes me smile. I love him. I no sooner have that thought than I’m sucking in a deep breath and my heart all but stops at the realization.

  “What?” He looks over at me, concerned.

  “N-nothing.” I love him. Oh my God, I really do. I have, probably, from that first day at Natalie’s wedding when I was introduced to him and felt the earth shift under my feet. Before that, before him, I wouldn’t have believed it possible to take one look at someone and feel everything there is to feel. But that’s exactly what happened at the wedding, and every time I’ve been with him since then, the feeling has grown and multiplied.

  Ten minutes later, we pull up to his building, where he punches in the code. In the garage, he tells me to wait for him and comes around to help me out of the car, taking my hand to lead me to the elevator. Once inside, he wraps both arms around me and kisses my neck. His erection is hard and hot against my belly, and I rub against him, making him groan.

  “Are you hungry?” he asks.

  “Not for dinner.”

  “Jesus, Aileen. Throw gas on a wildfire, why don’t you?”

  Laughing, I kiss his neck and under his chin. “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re not. Do you want to check on the kids?”

  “You wouldn’t mind?”

  “Of course not. I don’t want you to be distracted by anything but me for the next few hours.”

  I shiver in anticipation of hours alone with him. As I withdraw my phone from the back pocket of my shorts, I realize my hands are shaking. I put through a call to Cece, who answers on the first ring.

  “Hi there.”

  I smile when I hear Logan say in the background, “I told you she would call.”

  “Tell him h
e’s always right.”

  “I will,” Cece says, laughing. “We’re having a great time. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  “Do they want to talk to me?”

  “Sure, here they are.”

  I talk to both of them, reminding them to be good for Cece and do what she tells them to. They’re excited about going for ice cream, and I’m getting in the way of their good time. “Have fun,” I tell Maddie the second before the line goes dead. “I’m already yesterday’s news.”

  “They’re in good hands and having fun. The same could be said for you.” He drops his hands to my ass and pulls me in tight against him. “The first time,” he says against my ear, “will be fast. The second time, I’m going to linger, make it last.”

  “I think I’m drooling. Am I drooling?”

  Smiling, he shakes his head. At some point, he removed his sunglasses, and those dazzling blue eyes are watching me intently. The elevator dings, and I startle. I immediately feel foolish for being so jumpy.

  “You’re getting wound up again,” he says, his hand on my lower back as he directs me into the apartment.

  We go straight to the stairs, and he steers me to his room with his hands on my hips.

  “I want you to wear these shorts every day.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “Your ass is so hot in them. When I got to the park earlier, the first thing I saw was you in these shorts. I wanted to do this, right there in front of everyone.” He drops to his knees behind me and kisses the lower curves of my ass cheeks, taking a bite out of the right one.

  I cry out from the surprise and the desire that shoots through me like a rocket, landing in a ball of heat between my legs.

  “Mmm, yes, let me hear you. No holding back.” He slides his hands up the backs of my legs and squeezes my cheeks.

  He’s hardly done anything, and I’m already about to come. Rising to his feet, he hands me a piece of paper he pulls from his pocket.

  “What’s this?”

  “Recent test results that prove I’m clean.”

  I take a quick look, see what I need to know and hand it back to him. “Thank you.”

  “We need a word. One word that stops everything if it ever gets to be too much for you.”

  “Destiny.” I’ve given this some thought since we first talked about safe words, and I keep coming back to that one.

  “I like it.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and gaze into the cool blue eyes that look at me with such desire. “It’s a reminder that even if I can’t handle what’s currently happening, I’m not going anywhere, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

  He kisses me and makes quick work of getting rid of our clothes. Then we’re falling onto the bed, a tangle of arms, legs and lips that never stop moving as we sort ourselves. Knowing we’re completely alone and have hours to indulge in each other goes a long way toward easing some of the tension I felt earlier.

  I’ve read enough about sex and love and lovemaking after breast cancer to expect my body might not fully cooperate. I hope that doesn’t happen now.

  “What?” he asks, his lips busy on my neck.

  I close my eyes against an emotional reaction to his concern. I’ve never been with a man who was so tuned in to me, and in light of what I know about Kristian’s past, it’s remarkable that he’s so sensitive when no one taught him how to be.

  “I’m… I’m not the same person I was before I got sick. I’m not as confident that everything will work the way it’s supposed to.”

  “That’s not for you to worry about. It’s my job to make sure you feel good. Let me take care of you.”

  All righty, then.

  “No thinking or worrying allowed.” His lips skim over my collarbones and down to the tops of my breasts. “Just breathe and feel.”

  Breathe and feel. I can do that.

  “I want you to know that since I met you, I’ve been unable to bring myself to touch another woman.”

  His confession shocks me. “You met me five months ago.”

  “Believe me. I know.”

  I’m reeling until he draws my nipple into his mouth and sucks gently, forcing me to give my full attention to what’s happening right now. It’s not quite the same sensation as it was before my surgery, but it feels amazing nonetheless. I try to take his advice to breathe and feel what is, rather than what used to be. And it feels pretty damned good to have his lips and hands setting my body on fire for him.

  “I want to kiss you and touch you everywhere, but more than that, I want to be inside you,” he says in that gruff voice that’s such a turn-on. He takes himself in hand, his cock so hard, it’s purple and leaking.

  “Yes… I want that, too.”

  With his free hand, he tests my readiness.

  I’m relieved to have dodged one of the more prevalent side effects of treatment—vaginal dryness. In fact, I seem to have the opposite issue, which apparently pleases him if his deep groan is any indication.

  He aligns his cock and gives a gentle thrust. “Nice and slow.”

  Oh. My. God. He’s so big, it hurts, and not in a good way.

  “Easy, sweetheart.” Retreating, he gives me a second to breathe before he’s back again, deeper this time.

  My fingers dig into his back, seeking something to hold on to. At least I’m not thinking about my post-cancer body or vaginal dryness anymore. I can’t think about anything but the insistent invasion that’s starting to feel good.

  “That’s it,” he says, beginning to move a little faster. “Yes, God, Aileen… Even better than I thought it would be. You’re so hot and tight.”

  I can’t think or breathe or do anything other than feel, which is just what he wanted. I’m consumed by him, surrounded by his appealing scent, the rub of his chest and leg hair against my sensitive skin, the movement of his lips on my face and the deep, tight strokes of his cock.

  “Hands over your head.” He reaches for them to pin me to the bed. “Is this okay?”

  I look up at him and nod, loving the way it feels to be even lightly dominated by him. I wonder what else might be possible when he really lets go.

  “Talk to me. Tell me how it feels.”

  “Incredible.”

  “That’s a good word.”

  “It’s a good feeling.”

  “Mmm, it certainly is. The best feeling ever.”

  After that, there’re no more words, only deep sighs and gasps and a sharp cry when I come harder than I ever have before.

  “Ah, fuck,” he mutters as he drives into me, throwing his head back as he comes, his fingers digging into my shoulders.

  Every part of me tingles and throbs in the aftermath of the most spectacular sex of my life. I had no idea it could be like that until he showed me what was possible. I can only imagine what he’s capable of when he takes it to the next level. Actually, I probably lack the imagination to know what he’s capable of, but I can’t wait to find out.

  Jesus. That was… I have no words to describe it. My brain is blank, but my body hums with energy and bone-deep satisfaction. What the hell is she doing to me? Before this, before her, the word bewitched was the name of an old TV show. Now it has taken on all-new meaning. I’m under her spell, captivated and bewitched by a woman for the first time in my life.

  And God, it feels so good. I could get lost forever in the sense of contentment and well-being I experience every time I’m with her. It’s like coming home and finding paradise at the same time. I’ve never been truly at home anywhere, except with my Quantum family. But this is different. She’s all mine, and no one has ever been all mine.

  I hold her closer, desperately afraid of losing her now that I’ve found her.

  “Are you okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Oh yeah,” she says with a dirty laugh that makes me smile. “Glad I didn’t forget how to do that.”

  “You definitely didn’t forget.”

  “What’re you thinking a
bout?”

  I withdraw from her and move to my side, keeping her tucked up against me. “How good it feels to be with you, no matter what we’re doing. But this…”

  “This is the best.” She slides her leg between mine, and that’s all it takes to make me hard again. Laughing, she says, “That was quick.”

  “It’s you.” I cup her ass and squeeze, making her gasp. I’m already addicted to how responsive and eager she is.

  “No, it’s you.” Her voice is husky and sexy. I could listen to her recite a grocery list, and her voice would turn me on.

  “It’s us. We’re good together.”

  “So good.”

  I’m suddenly paralyzed with fear. Nothing this good can possibly last. It never has before. The last time I allowed myself to get comfortable somewhere, I received a hard lesson on why it’s not prudent to trust other people with my emotions. I’d been in that foster home a year and had started to let down my guard around the family when they told me their son was graduating from college, and they needed the space I was taking up for him. I’ve never let that happen again, until now. My guard is so far down, it may as well not exist at all.

  I should stop this while I still can, but damn if I can find the wherewithal to get out of bed while she is warm and soft and naked in my arms. I’ve learned not to risk more than I can afford to lose, and with her, I’m risking everything—my heart, my soul, my sanity—and I’m doing it with my eyes wide open.

  Arranging her facedown on the bed, I leave a trail of kisses from her shoulders to her waist, noting the bones that protrude a little too prominently for my liking. I want to take care of her and make sure she’s eating and healing and thriving, but still I worry I’ll end up hurting her and her kids or being hurt by them when she moves on to someone who can give her softness and sweetness.

  That’s not me. That’s never been me. No one ever showed me how to be those things. I’m all about harsh and aggressive and pleasing myself first and foremost. I haven’t been that guy with her, but maybe it’s time to give her a little taste of what she’d be getting if she hitches her wagon to me. Raising her to her knees, I roughly push her legs apart with my knees and take a bite out of her ass that will leave a bruise.