Valorous (Quantum Series Book 2) Read online

  “I didn’t bring anything special to wear tonight. I don’t really have anything that would be worthy—”

  I kiss her again because I can’t stand to see her worried about anything. “Natalie, honey, all I need is you. May I help you out of your dress?”

  “Yes, please.” She gathers up her hair and pulls it to the front, leaving her back bare to my hungry gaze. The zipper is hidden by a row of buttons that, thankfully, are just for decoration. If I had to take the time to undo a hundred tiny buttons, I’d lose my mind. I draw the zipper down, and the dress falls open to reveal the enticing curve of her back. Since she hasn’t worn a bra, the dress slides off her shoulders and down her arms, leaving her covered only from the waist down.

  “What’s the trick to getting it off?”

  She smiles at me over her shoulder and shimmies her hips, letting the dress drop. That’s when I see that she’s wearing a white silk thong, a garter belt and thigh-high stockings.

  “I’m going to need you to turn around. Like immediately.”

  Still wearing her fuck-me heels, she turns, hands on hips, breasts jutting out proudly, and my heart literally stops for a brief second. “Holy mother of God. You almost gave me a heart attack. And you said you didn’t bring anything to wear.”

  Her smile is coy and full of satisfaction. “I lied.”

  I place my hands on her ribs, trying to control the overwhelming need to toss her on the bed and take what I want so fiercely. “Where in the name of hell did this getup come from?”

  “It was one of several choices that came with the dresses. Your assistant is nothing if not thorough.”

  “God, I love her.”

  Natalie tosses her head back to laugh, and I take advantage of the opportunity to cup her breasts and suck her nipple into my mouth. My inner dominant hovers on the razor’s edge, wanting to break free and take what’s mine. I want to own her, possess her, rule her. I want every part of her, and I want her to surrender to me in every possible way.

  But more than all that, I want her to never be afraid of me, so I suppress my driving natural inclinations and give her the softness, the sweetness and the love she needs and deserves.

  She’s a more than willing participant, shoving the suit coat off my shoulders, pulling off my tie and attacking the buttons on my shirt without missing a beat in the tongue-twisting kiss. Her hands flatten against my bare chest, ratcheting up the desperation for more. We work together, our hands colliding as we both reach for the clasp on my pants at the same time.

  My pants fall to the floor. I shrug off the dress shirt and practically tear the sleeve off when one of the cuff links refuses to cooperate. “Fucking shit,” I mutter, making her laugh.

  “Allow me.” She takes my arm, gently works the cuff link free and drops it into my hand.

  Only because they were my grandfather’s do I take the time to put them both on the bedside table before I return my attention to my gorgeous, sexy wife. “I want a picture of you like this.”

  “An actual picture?”

  “Yeah. Can I?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “It would be just for us. If you think I’d ever share you with anyone…” I’ve shared women in the past, but not this one. No fucking way could I ever stand to see another man’s hands on her.

  “Okay…” She’s tentative, but I can see that the request has turned her on. Her eyes have gotten very bright, and her cheeks are flushed with color. Even her breasts are rosy with heat.

  “Stay right there.” I dash into the other room to grab my phone, powering it up as I make my way back to where I left her.

  “How do you want me?”

  I groan, loudly. “Fuck, sweetheart, you might want to think twice before you ask me such a leading question.”

  “Why?” The innocence, the overpowering sweetness… She destroys me and then puts me back together every fucking time.

  “There’re a lot of ways I could have you.”

  “Will you tell me about them? All of them?”

  I swallow hard, summoning control that’s hard to come by right now. “We’ve got the rest of our lives to try everything once, twice if we like it. For right now, move your hair to the front so your nipples are peeking out and put your hands on your hips. Strike a pose.”

  I’m hard as concrete as I snap a few photos. “Now gather your hair up with your hands and hold it over your head. Fuck, that’s sexy. Just like that. Oh my God, Nat.” I throw the phone aside and take her down with me onto the bed, our lips and tongues coming together in an urgent kiss that drives my need so deep into the red zone, I can’t think of anything other than being inside her. Right now.

  Motherfucking hell. I’m never going to survive this.

  I’ve never seen him quite like this before. His kiss is so fierce, so out of control that all I can do is go along on the ride with him. His tongue is everywhere, teasing and tempting and making me want to beg for whatever comes next. I want him to touch me and take me and make me his.

  I’ve never wanted anything quite like I want him inside me, right now.

  “Flynn,” I gasp when he finally comes up for air.

  “What, honey? Talk to me.”

  It’s all I can do to breathe when he attacks my neck, finding the place that I didn’t know made me wild until he discovered it.

  “I want you now.”

  “I’m here.”

  It hasn’t taken me long to become brave where he’s concerned, so I run my hand down the front of him and push his boxers out of the way in my quest to get to what I want. When I wrap my hand around his thick erection, he moans. I stroke him the way he taught me to, hard and tight.

  “This is what I want. Make love to me. Please, Flynn. Right now.”

  He literally tears the thong right off my body in a move that leaves me dazzled by the sheer power of his desire. “I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me if it hurts.”

  “It won’t.” I don’t care if it does.

  He takes himself in hand, rolls on a condom and drives into me in one deep thrust that makes me scream from the impact, the pleasure and the heat that come together in the place where we are joined and ripple out to every other corner of my body. I can feel him trembling from the effort it takes to remain completely still, until he’s certain I’m ready for more.

  “I’ve never felt anything that’s better than this, Natalie.”

  “Move, Flynn. Please…”

  He doesn’t have to be told twice. Rising up to his knees, he begins slowly, thrusting deeply and then withdrawing to pound into me again, over and over.

  I throw my arms over my head, seeking purchase, something to hold on to as he takes me on the wildest ride of my life.

  Then he’s over me, reaching for my hands to grip them together while his other hand grasps my ass, holding me in place for his fierce possession. When I realize I can’t move my hands, or any other part of me, for that matter, a slow drumbeat of panic begins in my chest.

  He’s kissing me as he makes love to me, and all of a sudden I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t do this. I wrench my head to the left, breaking the kiss and let out a scream as the memories come flooding back to remind me that while I might be determined to outrun my past, it always catches up to me eventually.

  I fight him like a wild animal, thrashing and kicking and screaming.

  He stops immediately, pulls out and lets go of me. “Natalie.”

  I’m hysterical, screaming and crying and fighting the demons with everything I have inside me. In the far recesses of my mind, I hear Fluff freaking out right along with me, barking and snarling.

  “Sweetheart, oh my God, it’s me, baby. Please… Natalie. It’s just me, and I love you more than anything.”

  His words permeate the hysteria, and I deflate like a balloon that’s been stuck with a pin. Fluff plops down next to me, licking my face and offering her own sort of comfort.

  Dear God, I just totally lost my mind while making love
to my husband for the first time. The sobs shake my body, and I’m afraid to open my eyes, to see how he must be looking at this broken, damaged shell of a woman he’s shackled himself to for a lifetime.

  “Natalie…” He lays his hand on my heaving abdomen.

  I flinch and Fluff growls, but Flynn doesn’t remove his hand. “Sweetheart, look at me. Open your eyes.”

  I shake my head. I can’t. I’ll never be able to look at him again after ruining what should’ve been the most special moment of our lives.

  He replaces his hand with his lips, kissing my belly, my hipbones, between my breasts, my neck, my jaw, my face and finally my lips. Each kiss is like a bandage on the wound I carry with me. Each kiss is about love and devotion and has nothing at all to do with what happened to me so long ago.

  I tell myself that, but will he ever forgive me for losing it while he was inside me? Will he ever again touch me without thinking about what might happen if he makes the slightest wrong move?

  “It was the hands,” I tell him, keeping my eyes closed.

  “I held down your hands, and that triggered a memory.”

  I nod. “I’m so sorry.” Tears soaking through my closed eyes leave hot tracks as they slide down my face.

  He kisses them away and strokes my hair, my face, my body, which soothes and calms me. “Could I hold you?”

  I turn into his arms and hold on to him for dear life as sobs shake my body and my newfound resolve. What other repressed memories are waiting to resurface to remind me of all the many ways I’m broken? How will my beloved husband ever know if what he’s about to do is the wrong thing?

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Do not apologize to me, Natalie.”

  His sharp tone makes me whimper like the wounded animal I am.

  “I’m sorry,” he says in a softer tone. “I didn’t mean to say it so harshly. You’re perfect just the way you are, and if it takes the whole rest of our lives, we’ll figure out what works for us—and what doesn’t. No matter what happens, I’ll never, ever blame you for any of it. Ever.”

  “I hate that I ruined our wedding night.”

  “You haven’t ruined anything. Our wedding night is far from over. It’s just getting started.”

  He holds me for a long time, making soothing circles on my back and kissing my forehead over and over again until I begin to settle.

  “Do you feel better?”

  I nod. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m great as long as I’m here with you.”

  “Do you think… we could… can we…”

  “What honey?”

  “Can we try again?”

  “We don’t have to. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

  “I know we don’t have to, but I want to. If you’re willing. I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t.”

  He props himself up on one elbow and looks down at me. “I am always willing to make love to you. There will never be a time when I don’t want you, Natalie. But you are always free to say no.”

  “I’m saying yes. I’m saying yes to everything.”

  “We’ll take it nice and slow.” He kisses me. “But we need a word, something you’ll say if it’s ever too much or something scares you. It needs to be a word that we both know means stop. No matter what’s happening, if you say that word, it’s game off.”

  “Okay…”

  “What word do you want to use?”

  I finally open my eyes, look up at his handsome, earnest face and offer a faint smile. “How about Fluff?” My little dog lets out a yip when she hears her name.

  He smiles back at me. “That’s perfect.”

  I reach up to bring him down to me. “I love you. Nothing you could do will ever be wrong. It’s not you. Please tell me you know that.”

  “I do. I know.”

  “I loved the way we were before.”

  “How were we?”

  “Wild and uninhibited. I want to be that person. I want to be her with you.”

  “We’ll get there.”

  I run a finger over the pulse in his cheek that lets me know how difficult this is for him. “Having sex with me is like playing with dynamite without knowing where the fuse is.”

  “Having sex with you is like the closest thing to heaven I’ve experienced on this earth, Natalie. There’s nothing that could happen that would change that.”

  “Can we try again?”

  “Only if we go slow this time. We’ll save wild and uninhibited for another day.”

  Fluff lets out a snore that makes us both laugh, and I watch the tension leave his body in a deep exhale. He begins anew with deep, soft, undemanding kisses that make my head spin. My body reawakens one kiss at a time.

  He’s in no rush as one kiss becomes two and two become three. His touch is careful rather than unrestrained the way it was before. I can feel him holding back, and I ache with the knowledge that it’s costing him to give me what I need. He showed me earlier what he really wants, and I freaked out.

  “I can hear you thinking.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “Shhh. Just relax and don’t worry about anything. Everything is all right. It’s just you and me here, Nat. No one else. I love you more with every passing minute. I want you any way I can have you. You’re absolutely perfect to me. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, except to take away any pain you ever experienced and replace it with beautiful new memories.” As he speaks, he’s kissing my face and returning to my lips for brief caresses before moving on to my neck and chest.

  “You’re the only one I want, the only one I’ll ever want.” He cups my breasts and runs his tongue over my nipples, which clears my mind of every thought that isn’t about the sublime pleasure I’ve found in his arms. Long before I’ve had enough, he moves on, leaving a path of kisses over my ribs and belly before moving lower. “So soft and so sweet. I love how you smell and how you taste. I could die happy right here.” He nuzzles the hair between my legs, taking a tentative swipe with his tongue over my most sensitive area before moving down to run his hands over the silky stockings that cover my legs.

  I’m carried away on a sea of sensation. His words, kisses and gentle caresses start a new drumbeat of desire that lives between my legs. I want him there, but he’s still in no particular rush.

  “So hot and so sexy. My wife is beautiful. Every guy in the world will be envious of the woman I get to sleep with every night.” His lips find a spot on the back of my knee that makes me moan. “They’ll look at you, and they’ll wish they were half as lucky as I am.” My legs end up propped on his broad shoulders. His hands are flat against my inner thighs, and his head is bent above me. “I’ve never tasted a sweeter pussy,” he whispers before he dips his head and opens me to his tongue. In keeping with the slow, undemanding theme, he drives me to the edge of insanity by kissing me everywhere but where I need him most.

  I grasp a handful of his hair to direct him, but he resists.

  He laughs. “Are you trying to take over my show?”

  “Just trying to move it along.”

  “Is this what you want?” He sucks my clit into his mouth and runs his tongue back and forth as he eases his fingers inside me. The combination triggers an orgasm that rolls through me in slow waves, one right after the other, until Flynn brings me down slowly, carefully.

  I reach for him. I need him to hold me, and he understands. He reaches for another condom before he comes to me, kissing me with lips that taste like me but feel like him. He’s more insistent now, his tongue demanding entry as he settles between my legs, his erection pulsing against me.

  With my hands on his back, I arch my hips, asking him to take me away, to make me his. He’s still kissing me when he begins to enter me, slowly and with far more patience than I have after this slow seduction.

  “Easy, baby,” he whispers. “Nice and easy.”

  It will be, I realize, a very long time before I see fast or frantic Flynn again, and that saddens me profoun
dly. I love him that way, but I love him this way, too.

  He pushes into me in slow increments, watching me intently for any signs of distress. “You feel so good, sweetheart. So hot and tight and wet.” He throws his head back. “Ah, God, you just got wetter. I love that.”

  “I love when you talk to me when we do this.”

  “Do you love when I talk dirty to you?”

  “I love it all.”

  His hips pivot, and he’s finally fully seated inside me, throbbing and hot as my body adapts to his size.

  “Are all men as big as you are? Down there?”

  “Fuck,” he growls, and I swear he gets even bigger. “You know how to make a guy feel good, baby.”

  “You know how to make me feel good.”

  “Does it feel good?”

  “It feels amazing. And tight. Very, very tight.”

  “We’re a perfect fit.” He pulls back ever so slightly before pressing forward again. “I’m right on the edge. Is it okay if I move a little?”

  “Please move.”

  “I want you to keep your eyes open and on me, okay?”

  I bite my lip and nod. My inner thighs are trembling from the pressure of keeping my legs so far apart.

  “What’s your safe word?”

  “Fluff.”

  The dog lets out an indignant snort and begins to snore again.

  Flynn smiles down at me. “I’m surprised she’s allowing such scandalous behavior in her bed.”

  I’m on the verge of a witty reply when he begins to move faster. He’s propped up on his hands, watching me carefully as his hips pivot with increasingly urgent movements in and out of me. It feels so good. My eyes want to close, but I keep them open and fixed on him so there can be no chance of panic.

  I move with him, picking up his rhythm and experiencing a profound sense of belonging to him.

  “I’m going to look away, sweetheart. You stop me if you don’t feel right. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I say on a long exhale.

  His right hand holds him up while he bends to capture my right nipple in his mouth, and his left hand reaches down to where we’re joined, touching me exactly where I need him. I’m hovering at the edge of release when his teeth tighten on my nipple and he pinches my clit, triggering my orgasm and his.