All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel Read online

  He tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not alone anymore.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

  —Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  Landon went through the motions of heating up some of Ella’s lasagna for them and serving the salad his sister had made to go with it. After preparing a plate for Amanda and one for himself, he carried both into the living room where he’d left her sitting, and found her staring off into space. “Dinner is served.”

  She took the plate from him. “Thank you.”

  “I called the station, told them something has come up and to call me if they need me to come in. So I’m all yours tonight.” He had extra hours on the books from the night he was called in, and there would never be a better time to use them than tonight.

  “I didn’t even realize you were on the phone.”

  “You were busy staring at the TV.”

  “You’re the best for doing that. I’m okay, but it’s better with you here.”

  “I didn’t want you to be alone tonight.” He put his plate on the table and returned to the kitchen for the glass of wine he’d poured for her. When he sat next to her to eat, he discovered his own stomach was roiling as he tried to absorb the events of the last hour. He’d meant it when he told her he was happy for her to have the opportunity to know the child she’d given up for adoption and possibly take her in when her mother passed away.

  But he couldn’t help but wonder what it would mean for them. They’d just managed to move off the starting line, and now she was thoroughly—and understandably—distracted by this major news about her daughter. How did he fit into this new development? Did he fit into it? Would he be part of it?

  Though he normally ate like a horse, he only picked at the tasty lasagna and salad. He did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen and put on a movie that neither of them watched.

  While she used the bathroom before bed, he stoked up the fire and stared at the flames with unseeing eyes. Right when things between them had begun to move in the direction he’d wanted from the beginning, she’d received the letter that had upended everything.

  But like she’d said earlier, it was all about what Stella needed, first and foremost. They’d have to figure out the rest as it happened.

  He took his turn in the bathroom and slid into bed wearing flannel pajama pants and a Butler Volunteer Fire Department T-shirt. The days of sleeping naked were probably over for now, a thought that filled him with a profound feeling of sadness that he immediately dismissed as selfish.

  Amanda snuggled up to him, and he put his arm around her.

  “How’re you doing?” She’d hardly said a word for hours, and all he wanted was to know what she was thinking and feeling.

  “I don’t know. Mostly, I’m counting the hours until I can call the agency in the morning. Maybe I’ll get to talk to her as soon as tomorrow.”

  “I hope you don’t have to wait long.”

  “Me, too. I’ll go mad.” She raised her head from his chest. “I’m apt to be a little distracted for a minute or two.”

  “I understand. Anyone would be.”

  “It really helps to be with you while this is happening.”

  He kissed her. “I’m glad you feel that way.”

  Landon slept fitfully and was up at daybreak, hoping to get in a full day at the farm before the night shift at the fire department. He moved quietly around the room as he got dressed, trying not to disturb Amanda.

  “You’re up early,” she said.

  “I’m working at the farm today.”

  “What goes on there in the off-season?”

  “Today, I’m mowing, which is critical so we don’t get overrun with weeds. We also spray fungicide on every tree once a month between April and September, and then we give them all what we refer to as ‘haircuts,’ which is really about shaping and trimming. This month, we start the herbicide program to keep the weeds from impairing the growth of the trees. It’s actually a year-round process.”

  “I had no idea.”

  He came to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. “Most people think it’s jingle bells and hot chocolate in December and the rest of the year off, but it’s not like that at all.”

  “Do you do all that yourself?”

  “Most of it. My brothers Max and Colton help out after their sugaring season ends. They split their time between the mountain and the farm in the summer.”

  “Maybe I could come see what you do there at some point?”

  “Any time you want. What’re you up to today?”

  “After I call the adoption agency, I’ll be making plans for the staff training that starts Monday and checking in with my mom about some other work stuff. I suppose I need to tell her what’s going on with Stella.”

  “How do you think she’ll take that?”

  “I have no idea. We never talk about that time in our lives. It was traumatic for both of us.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Landon…” She reached for his hand and kept her gaze pinned on their joined hands. “I don’t want this to mess up things between us. I want…”

  “What do you want, honey?”

  “You.” She looked up at him with big eyes and sleep-rumpled hair, and to him, she’d never been more beautiful. “I want you.”

  Moved by her sweet words, he leaned his forehead against hers. “I want you, too. I want to be there for you during all of this with Stella, and everything else, for that matter.”

  She raised her free hand to his face, caressing the stubble on his jaw. “That means so much to me.”

  “No matter what happens, everything will be okay. I believe that. Things work out the way they’re meant to.”

  “Is that another of your grandfather’s sayings?”

  “One of many. But he’s right. You have recent proof of that. All your plans don’t matter in the least when you get caught in a fire or hear from the child you gave up for adoption twelve years ago.”

  “It’s true.”

  “Are you up for going to Hunter and Megan’s tonight maybe?”

  “I think so. She said she’d call me today to confirm.”

  “I’ll come home early from the farm, we can run to Montpelier to pick up the ring for Luc before he drives me crazy asking me to get it, and you can get a dress for the wedding. I’ll have you back in time for dinner.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Do you want me to stick around until you call the agency?”

  “You don’t need to. I’ll be all right.”

  “I’ll call to check on you in a bit.”

  “I’ll look forward to that.”

  He kissed her, wishing he had nothing to do and could spend the day with her, but the trees didn’t take care of themselves, and he’d been slacking off since the fire. It was time to get back to work. On the way through town, he stopped off at the diner to get coffee and a breakfast sandwich to go.

  The only ones in the diner that early were Hunter, Megan and Elmer, all of whom were happy to see Landon.

  “You want the usual?” Megan asked.

  “Please. To go.”

  “Coming right up.” She went in the back to give Butch, the cook, Landon’s order.

  “How’s it going, son?” Elmer asked.

  “Good, I think. Were your ears ringing this morning?”

  “No more than usual. Why? Should they have been?”

  “I was quoting you to Amanda.”

  “Which one of his masterpieces did you use?” Hunter asked as he rolled silverware.

  “Things work out the way they’re meant to.”

  “Ah, yes,” Elmer said, smiling. “That’s one of my favorites.”

  “What’s the context?” Hunter asked as Megan rejoined them.

  “Amanda is dealing with some stuff, some big stuff, and it’s going to change her life rather significantly.”

  “Is that right?” Hun
ter said. “How so?”

  “I’m not sure if I should say anything.”

  “You can tell us.” Hunter glanced at Landon. “It won’t go any further.”

  “Promise,” Elmer added.

  “I promise, too,” Megan said.

  Because he desperately needed to tell someone, he decided to take them at their word. “She gave up a child for adoption twelve years ago when she was too young to care for a baby. Yesterday, she heard from her daughter.” As he said the words and connected the dots, he felt removed from the situation, as if it were happening to someone else and not him. He told them about Stella’s mother’s illness and the situation they were in. “Needless to say, I need you to keep those promises. Amanda wouldn’t want this all over town before she’s had a chance to figure out what’s what.”

  “Wow,” Hunter said. “That is a big deal. How does she feel about it?”

  “I think she’s excited to have her daughter in her life, while being mindful of the circumstances with the mother’s devastating diagnosis. The letter she got from her daughter was adorable and sweet. She sounds like an amazing kid.”

  “What an awful, wonderful, exciting and terrifying thing to have happen,” Elmer said.

  Landon nodded as he poured himself a coffee to go and stirred in half-and-half. “It’s all that for sure.”

  Elmer eyed him with the shrewd gaze that never missed a trick. “How do you feel about it?”

  “I’m happy for her to have this opportunity. She’s ached for that girl for twelve long years, and it seems like maybe she’ll have the chance to finish raising her and be part of her life.”

  “I can see that you’re happy for her, but how do you feel?”

  Landon walked around the counter and took a seat next to Hunter. “I’m not really sure, to be honest. Amanda and I have been trying to figure out what’s going on between us, and now it’s like a bomb has gone off in the middle of our brand-new relationship. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “If you’re not interested in being a stepfather, you probably ought to put the brakes on with her,” Hunter said.

  “I wouldn’t mind being a stepfather if it meant I got to keep Amanda in my life.”

  Elmer smiled warmly at him. “That’s the way. Filter out all the crap and take it down to what’s important to you.”

  “She’s important to me.”

  “And she knows that?”

  “She does.”

  Elmer nodded. “That’ll matter to her as she figures this out.”

  “After the fire, she made a list of things she wants to do. I’m worried she won’t get to do them now, and she might regret that later.”

  “A twelve-year-old isn’t the same as a baby,” Hunter said. “She can work through her list with her daughter.”

  “I guess,” Landon said, still feeling out of sorts.

  “This leaves you feeling like you’re on the outside looking in, right?” Megan asked.

  “Something like that.”

  “Nothing saying you couldn’t be part of it from the start,” Hunter said. “If you want Amanda, you get her daughter, too. They’ll be a package deal.”

  “I know, and I’m fine with that. It’s just that things between us are still kind of new, and it’s a lot to toss into a new relationship.”

  “Not to mention the first real relationship you’ve had,” Elmer added.

  “Not to mention… I’m still figuring out how to make things work with her, and now there’s a child, too.”

  “You should talk to Luc about that,” Hunter said. “He went through a similar thing when he met Dani and Savannah.”

  “I think it’s a little different in this case,” Elmer said. “Savannah was part of the equation from the beginning for Luc. Landon and Amanda have been circling the wagons, as they say, for weeks now, and this definitely throws a wrench in the wheel.”

  “How is it that you manage to cut through the crap to sum things up so perfectly?” Landon asked his grandfather.

  “My special gift.” Elmer’s eyes glittered with amusement. “This is a tough one, pal. No way around that. You and your lady have had a somewhat rocky road, and things were finally smoothing out for you when your applecart was upset once again. The best thing I can tell you is to make her aware that you want to be part of this new phase of her life. Your support will mean everything to her.”

  “I agree,” Megan said. “Absolutely.”

  “Thanks, guys. It helps to air it out with you.”

  “That’s what we’re here for,” Elmer said. “We’re not just about the eggs and coffee at this diner. We deal in free advice, too.”

  “On many a day, we serve far more free advice than coffee,” Megan said.

  Elmer laughed. “Ain’t that the truth?” To Landon, he said, “You working at the farm today?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Is tonight still good for Amanda to come for dinner?” Megan asked.

  “That’s the plan. I’ll bring her if you don’t mind one more.”

  “Not at all. I thought you were working.”

  “I am, but as long as I have a radio, I can do it.”

  “See you around six thirty?”

  “We’ll be there.”

  “Have a good day, son,” Elmer said.

  Landon squeezed his grandfather’s shoulder. “You, too, Gramps. Thanks again.”

  “Any time.”

  Landon took his breakfast with him and ate in the truck on the way to the farm, where his first order of business was feeding and watering the horses and cleaning out their stalls. He put them outside to get some exercise while he worked. Next, he gassed up the zero-turn mower with the sixty-inch cut that he used to mow the corridors between the rows of trees. He had a smaller one he used for between the trees.

  Landon cut a lot of grass this time of year, which gave him far too much time to think. As he mowed the first five acres, he let the story play out in his mind, from the day he met Amanda all the way through to this morning. For a time, he’d thought it wasn’t going to happen between them and had blamed himself for that. He’d had no idea how to play the game when a woman got to him the way she did, so of course he’d played it all wrong.

  It’d taken until this week to finally feel like they were getting somewhere, and now she would be indefinitely distracted by the situation with her daughter. And rightfully so.

  That’s where her attention needed to be.

  He felt like a dick for wondering where that left him or how he fit into this new scenario.

  At ten, he took a break and went inside to use the phone in the loft where Lucas had lived before he met Dani. Now that they were happily living at Dani’s, Landon doubted that his brother would come back to the loft.

  Landon dialed the number to his house and waited while it rang.

  Amanda picked up on the third ring.

  “Hey,” he said. “Did you talk to the agency?”

  “I did. They said they’ll contact Stella’s mother to arrange a time for us to talk on the phone. If that goes well, we can FaceTime.”

  “That’s great.”

  “The lady I talked to at the agency said she was so relieved to hear from me. I guess they were concerned after Stella and her mom pitched this idea to them. The agency had advised them not to get their hopes up because there was no guarantee I’d be willing or able to get involved.”

  “Stella and her mom will be relieved to have something in place for when the time comes.”

  “I’m going to have to go to wherever they are, I suppose. I should meet her before she comes to live with me.”

  Landon’s heart sank at the thought of her ending up somewhere far away from him. “Probably.”

  “Would you go with me?”

  And just that quickly, his heart soared again. “Yeah, of course. I’d love to meet her.”

  “Really? You would?”

  “I would, Amanda. She’s important to you, so she’s important to me. I told
you I want to be there for you through all this, and besides, I’m your partner in crime, right?”

  “Right.” He heard a sniffling sound. “I appreciate that so much.”

  “Are you crying?”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “How come?”

  “Because you’re so amazing. A lot of guys would be running for their lives from this situation.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, except with you to meet your daughter.”

  “I should have more info by the time I see you.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll be home by two to go to Montpelier, and we’re due at Hunter and Megan’s at six thirty.”

  “I’ll see you when you get here.”

  Landon put the phone back on the charger and returned to work, feeling encouraged by the conversation. She wanted him to go with her when she met her daughter. That was a good sign. In this confusing and unpredictable situation, he took the good news where he could find it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Great works are performed not by strength

  but by perseverance.”

  —Samuel Johnson

  After the call from Landon, Amanda’s next order of business was updating her mother on what was going on. Her nerves were all over the place as she made that call. She and her mother never discussed Stella. Her mother never asked about her or wanted to see pictures. It was like she’d wanted to pretend the baby had never happened, probably because the loss had been so painful for them both.

  “Hi,” Joyce said when she picked up. “I was just going to call you. How’re you feeling?”

  “Much better.”

  “That’s good news. Did you get the email about the trade show schedule? As our senior sales associate, you get first dibs on what you want to do.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Is there a problem?”

  “Not a problem so much as a challenge.”

  Joyce sighed. “What kind of challenge?”

  Amanda closed her eyes and forced herself to say the words. “The kind where my daughter gets in touch to tell me she’ll soon be orphaned and in need of a home.”