It's Only Love Page 15

  “Who needs a bed when we have a perfectly good chair?” he asked, his hands cupping her bottom under the nightgown and squeezing as he drove into her again.

  Ella had never had sex on a kitchen chair before, and quickly discovered she’d been missing out.

  He was relentless, manipulating her body as if she were weightless, lifting her up and down and then up, only to release her again, fully impaling her.

  With her arms around his neck, Ella cried out from the thrill of his possession, for that was the only word that came to mind. She felt possessed by him in the best possible way.

  Gavin pushed the robe off her shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. The straps of her gown slid down her arms until her breasts were bared to him. He took full advantage, drawing her right nipple into his mouth as he rolled his hips, touching off wave after wave of sensation that had her on the verge of release.

  “Gavin,” she gasped.

  He heeded her unspoken plea and pressed his fingers against her clit, stroking her to completion.

  Her head fell back, and she might’ve slipped off his lap without the strong hold he had on her as he found his release, too.

  “Mmm,” he said on a low growl, “I love having dinner with you.”

  Ella couldn’t believe it was possible to laugh while her body continued to vibrate with wave after wave of incredible pleasure. But he made her laugh, he made her happy, he made her want more of what they’d had together. So much more. She was beginning to realize that whatever time they were able to spend together would never be enough. She’d always want more. “I love having dinner with you, too. We should do it again tomorrow. And the day after.”

  “The day after that, too.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “This is so good, Ella,” he whispered fiercely, his lips brushing against her jaw. “It’s so damned good.”

  She blinked back the tears that suddenly filled her eyes. “I always knew it would be.”

  “You had so much faith in me, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

  “You always deserved it. None of what happened was your fault.”

  “Some of it was my fault,” he said with a sigh. “I let the rage get the better of me at times, and I’m not proud of that.” Keeping his arms around her, he stood, kicked off his jeans, walked them into the bedroom and came down on top of her, all without losing their intimate connection.

  “That was very impressive,” she said, running her fingers through the silk of his hair, because she could. Because she’d wanted to every time she’d laid eyes on him for years.

  “What was?”

  “The caveman carry into the bedroom.”

  “You’re light as a feather.”

  “Sure, I am.”

  He kissed her. “You fit perfectly in my arms.”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  “Dinner was amazing. Thank you. The applesauce more than lived up to the hype.”

  “You’re welcome, and I’ll make it for you any time you want it.”

  “I’m going to want a lot of applesauce.” As he said the words, he began to move above her.

  That’s when she realized he was hard again and apparently fully recovered. She was never going to survive insatiable Gavin. In past relationships, it was a busy night if they had sex once. With Gavin, once was never enough. Would that change over time or would they always want each other this way?

  “Stop thinking and just feel,” he whispered. “Just feel.” He withdrew from her slowly, leaving her bereft without him hard and strong inside her. Beginning at her throat, he kissed her everywhere—along her collarbone and down to her breasts, teasing them with soft kisses everywhere but where she wanted them most.

  With her hand on the back of his head, Ella tried to direct him.

  “Be patient.”

  “I have no patience.”

  He took mercy on her and ran his tongue over her nipple, back and forth until she was about to start begging.

  “Gavin!”

  Laughing, he drew the hard tip into his mouth, sucking and biting down nearly to the point of pain.

  Ella jolted and almost climaxed from the live current that traveled from her nipple to her clit. Good God . . .

  He kept up the slow, sexy seduction until she was reduced to a quivering mess of sensation.

  She was right on the brink when he pushed into her again and sent her flying over the edge, screaming from the power of her release. Nothing had ever been like this. Ever. Wrapping her arms around him, she drew him into a kiss that ended when he threw his head back and came with a low growl. He was so fierce and beautiful, his strong jaw clenching, his eyes closed and his lips parted.

  Ella took a mental picture of what he looked like as he lost himself in her. It was something she wanted to remember always. She held on tight to him, locked in the bliss they found together. It was everything she’d ever hoped it would be and so much more that she’d never dreamed possible.

  If they could have this, just this, for the rest of their lives, Ella would never want for anything else.

  CHAPTER 15

  There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.

  —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  On Thursday night, Gavin’s parents invited them to a cocktail reception at the Guthrie Inn.

  “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Ella said, tuning in to his reluctance.

  “I want to support my parents. The inn has been so good for them.”

  “But?”

  “No buts,” he said, forcing a smile for her. He honestly didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to be around women who’d lost their husbands to war. Though he supported the wonderful work his parents and Hannah were doing at the inn, he didn’t want anything to do with it.

  But he couldn’t very well tell his parents that, not when the inn had given them new focus and energy as they worked in Caleb’s name to help others. It would be petty of him to undermine their newfound purpose by appearing less than supportive. He couldn’t do that to them.

  So they went.

  His mother greeted them with the big, bright smile that used to be so much a part of who she was until her son’s death dimmed the light inside her.

  It was a relief to see her eyes dancing with excitement and joy again. Gavin hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that until now.

  “Come in, have a drink, and Hannah made some delicious appetizers.”

  “Sounds great,” Ella said. She was stunning in a black sweater, sexy gray pants that showed off her spectacular ass and even sexier black boots.

  Gavin was so damned proud to have her at his side. This last week with her had been right out of a dream. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be happy—truly, deeply happy. Everything, even the supremely crappy days at work, had been easier to deal with knowing he got to go home to her each night.

  His gaze shifted from Ella’s sexy body to the picture of his brother that adorned the foyer now that the Guthrie family home was the Capt. Caleb M. Guthrie Memorial Retreat. Caleb’s fierce expression in his official Army Ranger photo got to Gavin every time he allowed himself to look at it. Almost eight years later, it was still a vicious punch to the gut to remember he would never see that face again.

  Gavin forced himself to look away lest he be dragged down into the rabbit hole of despair once again. He refused to let that happen when he had so many good things happening in his life. Resisting the rabbit hole had become a part-time job, but it was easier now with Ella by his side.

  With her hand curled around his, he followed Ella into the kitchen, where her sister was arranging bruschetta on a platter. Hannah was beginning to show in the subtle rounding of her abdomen. Her cheeks were fuller, too, but her eyes told the true story. She’d rediscovered her joy, and it was a lovely thing to see indeed.<
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  For so long after Caleb died, the two of them and his parents had been like the walking wounded, none of them quite sure how to go forward without the man who’d been at the center of all their lives. The other three were showing signs of recovery. Perhaps it was time for him to let it happen to him, too.

  Caleb wasn’t coming back, as much as he wished otherwise. None of the raging, fighting or drinking had done a damned thing to assuage his bitter loss. If possible, he’d only succeeded in making everything worse.

  Gavin took a deep breath, forcing his wandering mind to stay in the present rather than drifting to the past where trouble lay.

  As she talked and laughed with her sister, Ella kept a firm grip on his hand, as if she knew he needed the connection.

  He gave her hand a gentle squeeze that she returned, making him feel as connected to her as he did when they made love.

  Nolan came into the kitchen, carrying an empty tray. “You’re a hit, babe. Everyone is clamoring for more.”

  “Here you are,” Hannah said, smiling widely at her husband as she handed him the platter of bruschetta.

  “You’ve been thoroughly domesticated, Nolan,” Gavin said in a teasing tone.

  “Watch out,” Nolan said, nodding to his and Ella’s joined hands. “It could happen to you, too, my friend.”

  Ella grinned at him, and suddenly the thought of being domesticated didn’t seem so bad if she were the one doing the training. He could get on board with her brand of domestication.

  Hannah filled more trays, and they helped her carry them into the room that used to be her sitting room and was now a gathering place for inn guests. A roaring fire added to the cozy atmosphere as groups of women enjoyed drinks and the food Hannah had lovingly provided.

  Gavin’s parents circulated, filling glasses and checking on their guests. On a table laden with food, Gavin retrieved a bottle of beer out of a bowl of ice and cracked it open. Ella’s parents joined the party as did her brother Will and his wife, Cameron, who’d designed the inn’s website.

  A lot of work had gone into creating this oasis for women struggling to put their lives back together after unimaginable loss. Sadly, even with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan over or winding down, the need for the services they provided here was still acute. The inn was sold out through next summer.

  Amelia used the handle of a fork against her crystal glass to get everyone’s attention.

  The din in the room quieted and all eyes turned to Gavin’s mother.

  “I want to thank you all for being here tonight,” Amelia said. “We hope to make these parties part of our overall effort to include our lovely guests in the community of Butler so they will always feel like they have a second home here. In the months since our opening, we’ve had more than fifty guests from twenty different states come to spend some time with us. All have left with new friends, an enhanced support network and yet another place to call home. I want to say a special thank you to Cameron Abbott, who is here tonight, for her amazing work on our website.”

  A polite round of applause had Cameron smiling and blushing from the attention. “My pleasure.”

  “And to my daughter-in-law for life, Hannah Roberts . . . This was all your doing, and Bob and I couldn’t be more proud of all you’ve done to ensure that Caleb’s legacy lives on forever.”

  As Hannah blinked back tears and kissed his mother’s cheek, Ella looked up at Gavin, seeming to check on him. He smiled down at her, hoping he was reassuring her.

  “I’ve asked Cindy, one of our current guests, to say a few words,” Amelia said, “so I’ll turn it over to her. Cindy?”

  A petite blonde walked to the front of the room, her cheeks flushed with what might’ve been nerves. Gavin noticed she still wore her engagement and wedding rings on her left hand, and the sight of those rings made him unreasonably sad for someone he’d never met.

  “Thank you so much, Amelia, Bob and Hannah for this lovely gathering tonight as well as the warm welcome I’ve received this week. It’s been such a treat to get away from it all, to spend some time in this beautiful corner of the country and to be with you all.” Her gesture encompassed the other guests. “I feel like I’ve made lifetime friends here, and I’ll always be grateful for the respite.” She took a deep breath before she continued. “Like many of you, my life has been split in half—before and after. On a regular Tuesday morning, I was getting my kids ready for the day when my doorbell rang. I expected my neighbor who came two mornings a week to take my daughter to preschool. Because my son was an infant, she saved me the trouble of packing up both kids to deliver Brianna to her. I had my son on my hip when I swung open the door to men in uniform. I don’t remember much of that day. Apparently, I passed out at the sight of those men, but my maternal instincts were still intact because I somehow managed to shield my baby with my own body so he wasn’t injured. I can’t even think about what my poor daughter had to endure with her mom out cold on the floor, her brother screaming and men she didn’t recognize at the door. She was four then. I hope she won’t remember it, but she also won’t remember much about her father, and that breaks my heart.”

  Listening to Cindy’s story, Gavin broke out in a cold sweat as the memories from his own darkest day came back to him like a horror movie he could never escape.

  “It wasn’t supposed to happen to us,” Cindy continued. “Lance’s unit was one of the last to deploy to Iraq before the final troops left. They were on a humanitarian mission, bringing badly needed aid to the Iraqi people, who’d endured a decade of war. He was hit and killed by a stray bullet fired in one of the villages where they were working. The bullet had nothing to do with the war, apparently. Sometimes, when I allow myself to think about that—how his death had nothing at all to do with the war . . . Well, it’s better if I don’t think about that.”

  Gavin couldn’t do this. He couldn’t stay in this hot, suffocating room and listen to Cindy’s tragedy unfold before him. Releasing Ella’s hand, he slipped out of the room, hoping no one would notice him leaving. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also didn’t want to pass out from overheating either.

  He cut through the kitchen and went out into the backyard, where he could finally breathe again in the cold November air. Bending at the waist, he propped his hands on his knees and focused on drawing deep breaths of cold air into his lungs.

  Not surprisingly, Ella came out right behind him. “Gav? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry. It was so hot in there I felt like I was going to pass out.”

  She laid her hand flat against his back. “Is that all it was?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Gavin.”

  Here was the one person he couldn’t bullshit with his assurances that he was fine when he wasn’t. She saw right through him. The mirror he couldn’t escape.

  “Rabbit hole alert.”

  “Ah, I see. Come here.”

  Resigned to accepting her comfort, he stood to his full height and turned to her.

  She put her arms around him and held on tight, letting him know with one simple gesture that he wasn’t alone.

  “Sorry.”

  “Please don’t apologize.”

  “My parents and Hannah have probably heard a lot of those stories since the inn opened, but I haven’t. Brought it all back. That day . . .”

  Ella ran her hand over his back in small, soothing circles. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  He never wanted to think about it again, let alone say the words out loud.

  “Maybe if you tell me, then I’ll know and you won’t be alone with it anymore. It’ll be our burden to share, and I can help you avoid the triggers.”

  “I don’t want you to share my burden, Ella. That’s not what we’re doing here.”

  “It’s not? So you’re only signing on for the good stuff? No hard stuff, no bad stuff, no ugl
y?”

  “I don’t want you mired in my ugly.”

  “Even if I want to be?”

  He looked down at her beautiful face. Even in the dark he could see her affection for him shining through. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

  “Crazy about you, Gavin Guthrie.”

  “The feeling is entirely mutual.” He kissed her softly. “I’ll tell you about it, but not here. Let’s go home.”

  “Whatever you want to do.”

  They went back inside, where the party was carrying on with happy voices and conversation. He hoped his parents hadn’t noticed him backing out of the room while Cindy was talking.

  “Oh, there you two are,” Bob said when they entered the kitchen.

  “We were just getting some air,” Ella said, “but we’re going to head out now. We’ve both got early days tomorrow.”

  “We’re glad you could come,” Bob said. He hugged Ella and shook hands with Gavin, his shrewd gaze giving him a close once-over. Despite Ella’s efforts to cover for him, he knew his dad was clued in to his distress. “We’ll talk tomorrow, yes?”

  Though asked as a question, Gavin knew it wasn’t a request. “Yeah.”

  They said their good-byes to the others and were on the way to his place a few minutes later. Around the fringes of his mind, the darkness hovered, threatening to swoop in and drag him down. It had happened too many times before for Gavin not to recognize the signs of impending trouble.

  He was thankful for Ella’s presence and regretful, too. He’d meant it when he said he didn’t want her to see his darkness, but the thought of sharing the burden, of not having to go it alone any longer . . . Her offer was too tantalizing to resist, and that made him feel like a world-class bastard.

  * * *

  Ella had felt it happen. Standing beside Gavin while Cindy shared her heartbreaking memories, Ella had been immediately aware of the tension that invaded him, the stiffness to his body, the change in his breathing. She’d been about to get him out of there when he released her hand and made the move on his own.