Virtuous, a Tame Quantum Novel Read online

  “But she is jealous,” I say smugly.

  “Ha,” Leah says as she opens her door. “I knew it. See you later. Or tomorrow. Stay out all night. Have a wild time.” She closes the door before Natalie can reply.

  “She’s a freak,” Natalie says.

  “I kind of like the way she thinks.”

  She rolls her eyes at me as I pull back into traffic. “You would.”

  I reach for her hand and love the thrill that travels through me when her skin rubs against mine. I can’t even begin to wonder what sex with her would be like if holding her hand is one of the most sensual experiences in what’s been a rather sensually indulgent life. With her sitting so close to me, I don’t dare indulge those thoughts. “You look very kissable with those purple lips.”

  When the light in front of us turns red, she leans over the center console, her intentions clear.

  Being no fool, I meet her halfway and revel in the sweet taste of her lips. “Mmm, hello to you, too. I missed you today.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  “So why were you giving me that funny look when I picked you up?”

  “I was just enjoying the exceptional view.”

  “Is it Friday yet?”

  “One more day.”

  “I’ll never make it.”

  She smiles, and neither of us looks away until the driver behind us blows their horn when the light turns green. Damn impatient New Yorkers.

  “In California, stoplight kissing is encouraged and supported much more than it is here.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yep. I’ll show you when we’re there.”

  “I can’t believe I’m actually going to LA with you.”

  “Believe it. As soon as I got your text earlier, I had my assistant, Addison, contact some of the stylists we’ve worked with in the past. She’ll have you all fixed up with a million options by the time we get there Friday night.” I glance over to find her worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. “What?”

  “These stylists you’ve used in the past… You’ve done this before? Invited a nobody to an event and then had to outfit her?”

  I’m touched and amused by the hint of jealousy I hear in her tone. “First, you are not a nobody. Don’t say that again. Ever. Second, I’ve used them for me, silly. Believe it or not, there’s a lot more to showing up at all these events than throwing on a tux and combing my hair. I have my favorite labels, but I need to keep up with the latest thing, and I don’t have time to be bothered figuring that out on my own.”

  “Ahh, I see.”

  I squeeze her hand. “You’re the first person I’ve ever asked to attend something like this with me who wasn’t already in the business in some way or another.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh what?”

  “Nothing… I’m just… This whole thing is incredibly overwhelming. It’s exciting, too, of course, but overwhelming for someone who’s never done anything like it before.”

  “Trust me when I tell you it’ll be so much fun. You’ll feel like a queen for a day or I’ll fire ’em all and make sure they never work again in Tinseltown.”

  “Stop it. You’d never do that.”

  “No,” I say, laughing, “I wouldn’t, but I will make sure you’re the most pampered woman in all of Hollywood on Sunday. That you can count on.”

  “I hope you know I don’t need all that.”

  “I know you don’t need it, which is why it’ll be so much fun to make sure you get it.”

  She takes a deep breath and releases it.

  “You okay over there?” It’s taking forever to drive uptown in the late-day traffic.

  “Yeah. I’m good.”

  “I got tickets to ‘Wicked’ for tonight at seven.”

  She spins around in her seat and stares at me. “Tonight as in today tonight?”

  “As in two and a half hours from now tonight.”

  “Oh my God! You’re too much, you know that?”

  “You said you wanted to see it, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I want to see it, but I didn’t expect you to go out and get tickets.”

  “Technically, I didn’t go anywhere. I made a phone call, and the tickets are at will-call.”

  She sagged into her seat. “Are you for real? Am I going to wake up and find out I’ve dreamed this entire thing?”

  “I sure as hell hope not.” I glance over at her. “Will you be okay getting home around eleven?”

  “And getting to see ‘Wicked’? Yeah, I think I can handle that.”

  “Just to be sure, the ‘Wicked’ thing is good? Yes?” I can’t believe how insecure and uncertain I am around her—two things that I’ve never been when it comes to women. Well, except for the bitch I married, but who wants to think about her when I’ve got the lovely Natalie to focus on?

  “It’s ‘Wicked’ good, but you know what’s even better?”

  “What’s that?”

  “What you did for Aileen and her kids.”

  I’ve been expecting her to mention that, and I’m ready for her. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Yes, you do, so stop pretending otherwise. It was… It’s incredible, Flynn. Truly. I can’t even begin to tell you what it’ll mean to her, to all of them. And what it means to me… Thank you.”

  “I still don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’re welcome and so are they.”

  She encloses my hand in both of hers, and the sweet gesture is a total turn-on. Everything about her turns me on. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been this attracted to a woman outside my chosen lifestyle. For the first time in more than a decade, I’m entertaining the possibility that what we refer to as a “vanilla” relationship might actually satisfy me.

  That doesn’t mean I’m prepared to completely give up a lifestyle that has defined me in many ways. It just means that I’m considering making some changes that would’ve been unthinkable only a few days ago.

  Something my father once said to me has been rattling around in my mind since I met Natalie. It was after the disastrous breakup with Valerie when I asked him how he’d known that my mother was the woman he wanted to marry. “Someday,” he said, “probably years from now, a woman will come strolling into the room, and all the oxygen will seem to leave with her arrival. Your chest will be tight, your heart will beat a little faster, and you’ll know. You’ll just know.”

  “Is that how it happened for you with Mom?” I asked him.

  “Exactly like that. I knew the second I laid eyes on her that there’d never be anyone else for me.”

  And there never has been. Forty-four years later, they’re going strong and more in love than ever. As I get older, I find myself envying them as well as my two oldest sisters, who’ve found true-love matches with guys I like and respect.

  “You’re quiet over there,” Natalie says. “What’re you thinking about?”

  I like that she asked. “My parents, actually.”

  “What about them?”

  “Tomorrow is their anniversary. Forty-four years.”

  “That’s awesome.”

  “I need to send them something, but I’m trying to decide what it should be. What do you get for two people who have everything?”

  “I have no idea. Flowers seem too simple. Gift cards would be silly in light of who they are…”

  “You see my dilemma.”

  “Could you take them out for a nice dinner while you’re in LA?”

  “That I can do.” At the next light, I grab my phone and get Addie on the Bluetooth.

  “What’s up?” We’ve already spoken about six times today and got the “how are you?” preliminaries out of the way hours ago.

  “Can we pull together an anniversary dinner for Max and Estelle and the girls Saturday night if they’re available?”

  “We can do that. I’ll make some calls.”

  “Include Natalie in the count, and you should come, too.”

  “Of course I
should.”

  “You’re the best, Addie.”

  “I know. I tell you that every day.”

  Laughing at the predictable reply, I end the call with the push of a button on my steering wheel. “Done.”

  “Wow, that was kind of… impressive.”

  “Addie is fantastic. I’d be lost without her.”

  “She sounds fantastic, but I mean the whole thing—from idea to implementation in five minutes flat.”

  “We get things done.”

  “I see that.”

  I glance at her tentatively. “Does it all seem… I don’t know… pretentious to you?”

  “No, not at all. I’m sticking with impressive.”

  Her reply makes me smile as we finally reach the entrance for my garage after a slow crawl uptown. I punch in the code and drive down the ramp. Without waiting for me, Natalie gets out of the car and meets me at the elevator. I like that she’s falling into a comfortable routine in my life.

  Upstairs, I take her coat, and she looks down at her clothes. “I wish I’d known to dress up more for the theater.” She’s wearing sexy black pants, high-heeled boots and a turquoise sweater with a scoop neck that hugs her full breasts, making me want to peek inside for a better look.

  “You look gorgeous. Perfect for the theater. People don’t dress up like they used to. You’ll fit right in.” With my hands on her hips, I draw her in closer to me. “In fact, you’ll class up the joint.”

  “Sure I will.”

  I tip my head and lay my lips on hers in an undemanding caress that I feel all the way through me. Though I don’t intend to take it any further than a quick kiss—at least not yet—when her hands slide up my chest and curl around my neck, I’m lost.

  Her mouth opens, and her tongue meets mine in a sensual caress that makes me moan from wanting more. I already know, days after I first laid eyes on her, that I’ll never get enough of her.

  I hadn’t intended to devour her in the foyer, but she’s totally irresistible, especially when she’s pressed against me, kissing me with such innocent eagerness. That innocence has my cock hard and throbbing as I reluctantly withdraw from the kiss, mindful of what she said to me the day we met. If I seduce her into giving me what she said she’d never give, she’ll hate me afterward. The thought of that is worse than denying the desire that beats through me like a living, breathing thing.

  “Natalie…”

  Her eyes are closed, her lips swollen and slick, her cheeks rosy and warm… She’s unbearably beautiful.

  I nuzzle her neck, and she tips her head, granting me full access to her sweet softness. Her scent defies easy description, but it’s bewitching nonetheless. It’s simple, clean, fresh… Unlike anything I’ve encountered before, which leads me to conclude it’s the essence of her. I roll her earlobe between my teeth, biting down just hard enough to draw a sharp inhale from her.

  “Nat…” I don’t even know if anyone calls her that. The nickname rolls off my tongue as naturally as I draw air into my lungs.

  “Hmm?” Her hands are doing something to my hair that makes my scalp tingle with awareness.

  “We should stop this.”

  She shakes her head. “More.”

  “Natalie,” I say, laughing at her unabashed eagerness, “you’re killing me.”

  “I don’t want to kill you. I want to kiss you.”

  She has no idea what she’s doing to me, how she’s waving a red flag in front of a bull by looking at me with those sweet brown eyes gone liquid with desire and emotion.

  I try to tell myself I can handle this. I can handle holding her and kissing her and maybe touching her, but nothing else. Not now anyway. Clutching her hand, I lead her to the sofa, where I sit and then bring her down onto my lap. The press of her soft bottom against my raging hard-on takes my breath away for a second before I recover and capture her mouth in another kiss that goes from zero to a hundred and twenty in a flashpoint of heat so potent I feel scorched.

  I’ve never, ever reacted to a woman like this before, and it thrills and terrifies me in light of the conditions she laid out the day we met. If I ask for more than she’s willing to give, I’ll lose her before I ever have her. But with her soft and pliant in my arms, I’m unwilling to end this moment before I have more of her.

  I ease her back onto the sofa cushions, pausing to gauge her reaction. For a heartbeat of an instant, I see something resembling fear in her expressive eyes before she seems to recover, reaching for me and bringing me down to resume the kiss.

  If I thought the kiss in the foyer was incredible, this is something else altogether, and it truly takes every fiber of self-control I possess to keep from ripping the clothes from both our bodies and having her right here and now. Fighting off those urges is almost as consuming as the kiss itself, which becomes more erotic and more sensual with every stroke of her tongue against mine.

  Her sweater is enticingly soft under the hand I lay flat against her back. I work my way under the hem and encounter warm skin that makes me greedy for more. Though it pains me to move, I shift slightly to the side without breaking the kiss and move my hand to the front of her. I’m like a teenage boy in the throes of first passion, trying to gauge whether my advances will be welcome or not. I honestly can’t tell, and remembering that flash of fear I saw earlier, I need to be certain.

  I ease back from the kiss but keep my lips against hers. “Natalie, I want to touch you.”

  She arches her back, pressing against my hand.

  “I need you to say it’s okay. Every step of the way, I need you to tell me.”

  “Yes, Flynn… Please. Touch me.”

  “Polite and sexy. What a potent combination.” I ease her sweater up and over her head.

  She shocks the hell out of me when she tugs at the hem of my sweater and has it off me before I can begin to prepare for the sharp punch of desire that occurs when her skin and mine come together for the first time. Holy fuck. It’s electrifying and terrifying at the same time. She scares the hell out of me.

  Her fingers continue to comb through my hair as her other hand wanders down my back, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

  I’m literally burning up and beginning to sweat from the effort it’s taking to hold back, to go slow, to remember what she said about sex and marriage and rules. But I’m only human, and I want her desperately, so I kiss everything I can reach, beginning with her neck and working my way down to her chest and the upper slopes of plump breasts that are straining at the confines of her plain tan bra, which will go down in history as one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

  On her, the sexiest lingerie in the world wouldn’t do a thing to enhance her natural beauty.

  “Flynn.” She gasps when my chin rubs against the tight point of her nipple. Her entire body arches into me, silently asking for more.

  “Tell me.”

  “I…” She opens her eyes, and again I see fear mingled with obvious desire.

  “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.” I nuzzle my nose into the valley between her breasts.

  “Touch me. Please touch me.”

  I cover her breast with my hand, squeezing gently and rubbing my thumb over the tight point. “Here?”

  She bites her lip and nods.

  “Are you sure?”

  In answer to my question, she releases the front clasp of her bra, surprising me once again.

  Her breasts spring free and fill my hands, testing my control all over again. I want to possess her, but I’m careful, gentle with the gift she has given me and probably no one else. She inferred last night that she’s never before had a boyfriend, although how that’s possible, I’ll never know. Is every other guy in the world blind and stupid? She’s a treasure, a priceless gift that came barreling into my life at a time when I’d all but given up on ever finding anyone who could soothe the disquiet in my soul.

  Because she is all that and so much more, I move carefully, cautiously as I caress her, working my way slowly
to the straining tips that tighten under my hands.

  My dick is about to explode from the urge to get in on this, but I try to ignore that urgent need to focus on her. I’m wondering what she’ll allow me to do when the tug of her hand on the back of my head guides me toward what I want more than anything.

  I run my tongue around her right nipple, and she goes crazy under me, tugging my hair and pressing every part of her against every part of me. Jesus… This is fucking insanity. With any other woman, I’d be deep inside her by now, fucking her senseless. But with Natalie, that’s not an option, so I take what she’s offered and I feast on her, sucking and tugging and licking her nipple until she cries out from the pleasure—at least I hope it’s pleasure she’s feeling.

  Then I do the same to the other side, working her over until I’m sure she’s not thinking of anything other than me and the incredible connection that sizzles between us.

  But I can only take so much of her sweet brand of torture. I have to rein myself in and take control of this situation before we move past the point of no return. I drop my head to her chest, which is heaving from the air she’s dragging into her lungs.

  “Why did you stop?” she asks after a long period of silence in which the only sound is that of both of us breathing hard.

  “Because if I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to.” I force myself to raise my head, to look down at her face, which is rosy and flushed with desire. “You told me the day we met what isn’t going to happen. If we keep this up…” I drop my head back to her chest. “God, Natalie, I want you so bad. You have no idea.”

  “I want you, too. I hope you know that. It’s just that I… There are reasons. For why I feel the way I do.”

  “I know, and I’m trying to respect your boundaries, but if we don’t stop this now, I’m afraid it’ll go further than you want to go.” To my profound astonishment and dismay, her eyes fill with tears that quickly spill down her cheeks. She closes her eyes, tightly as if that will contain the flood. “Natalie, sweetheart… Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Everything,” she whispers. “Everything is wrong with me.”

  I kiss the tears from her face and hold her as close to me as I can. “No, honey. Don’t say that. You’re amazing, and I’m completely gone over you.”