Yours After Dark: Gansett Island Series, Book 20 Page 8

  This was why Riley had made a fool of himself over Nikki, why Mac had ditched his life in Miami for Maddie, why Shane smiled all the time since meeting Katie. This was why Luke rushed home to Sydney and their daughter, Lily, every night after work. If they felt even a fraction of the things he experienced when he was with Chloe or even when he thought of her, then it was no wonder they were so happy.

  He wanted that. A year ago, he would’ve said he wasn’t ready, but he felt differently now. Maybe it was the time with his cousins who were settling into marriages and families, or maybe it was having a front-row seat when Riley fell so hard for Nikki. But he felt ready for something more significant now.

  Funny how he’d thought he needed to go home to find it.

  His stomach actually hurt at the thought of upending his plans, of calling Clint to say he’d changed his mind, of putting down roots on Gansett Island. He’d come for a freaking wedding and ended up staying for a few months that turned into two years. That’s not how a mature adult made life decisions.

  Big Mac liked to say that life was what happened when you were busy making other plans.

  Driving into town on dark, winding roads, Finn laughed to himself. If that wasn’t the truth. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and his euphoria dissipated when he thought about how he was going to have to disappoint Missy. He felt like a total asshole for letting it go on as long as it had and for raising her hopes when he didn’t feel the slightest bit of excitement about getting back together with her. He’d been indulging the convenient rather than seeking something more meaningful, and he just couldn’t do that to either of them.

  When he got home, he opened a beer, took it to the sofa and pulled out his phone, determined to take care of this now before it went on any longer.

  She answered on the first ring. “Hey. This is a nice surprise.”

  “How’re you doing?”

  “I’ll be better when you get back.”

  “So, Missy… About that. We need to talk. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

  “About what?”

  Finn cringed. He was bungling the fuck out of this. “I don’t want you to think we’re going to pick up where we left off.”

  Total silence.

  “A lot of time has gone by, and we’ve both changed. I’ve changed. I want different things.”

  “What things do you want?” she asked, her tone frigid.

  “I don’t know yet, but I don’t want to go backward. We both need to move forward, and we can’t do that if we’re holding on to the past.”

  “Where the hell is this coming from, Finn? Did you meet someone else? Is that it?”

  “Yes—and no. I did meet someone, but nothing has happened with her.” Nothing except everything. “It’s not about her. It’s about moving on. We’ve been apart for two years and have barely seen each other in all that time. Don’t you think if we were meant to be, we would’ve wanted more than that?”

  “I did want more than that. Every time I suggested coming there to see you, you had some sort of excuse. Have you had someone else all this time you were stringing me along?”

  “No, I haven’t, and I never strung you along. We weren’t together while I was here. You know that as well as I do. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

  “All I know is you went to your cousin’s wedding and never came back, and the whole time you’ve been there, you’ve continued to talk to me and to give me just enough to keep me hoping you’d eventually come back to me.”

  “I talked to you because we’re friends. We’ve always been friends.”

  “I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Finn.”

  Her outburst shocked him. “Missy—”

  “Save it. I’ve got to go, but know this—we are not over. Not by a long shot.”

  The line went dead before he could reply. For a long time afterward, he replayed the conversation in his mind, going over everything she’d said and trying to understand how he’d misled her. They were not together. They hadn’t been a couple in almost two years. Yes, they still talked frequently, texted and had planned to see each other when he got home. But he hadn’t made her any promises. That much he knew for certain.

  “Fuck,” he muttered, taking a long draw from the beer bottle. Her final words echoed through his mind, filling him with dread. What had she meant by that? And what did she plan to do?

  Chapter 8

  Chloe floated through the next day in a weird state of anticipation and excitement, two things that weren’t usually part of her routine. She’d learned from an early age to keep her expectations reasonable so she wouldn’t be disappointed when things didn’t work out. Because things rarely worked out for her.

  That’s why she needed to be very careful with the handsome, sexy devil known as Finn McCarthy. He kissed like a dream and had awakened yearnings in her that had her reeling. At twenty-nine, she’d already had multiple lifetimes, or so it seemed. She had worked long and hard to put her difficult childhood behind her and to build a life for herself that was so far removed from that trauma that it might as well have happened to someone else.

  But it had happened to her, and she carried it with her everywhere she went. She barely remembered her parents but would never forget the day they died. The images from that event were indelibly etched into her hard drive, never to be removed. A long time ago, she’d accepted that she would always remember things she’d much rather forget. As a result, she went out of her way to avoid any more painful things that would have to be added to the baggage she carried with her.

  Thus her reluctance to become involved with a man who’d told her he was leaving soon and who had the power to break her heart. She had realized that the first night she spent with him, when they made dinner at her house. That’s why she’d told him she wasn’t interested, when that certainly wasn’t true. It was more that she wasn’t interested in the kind of pain a man like him could cause her.

  Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his perfect face, that smile, the wavy dark hair, the piercing blue eyes. He was obscenely handsome, the sort of man women flocked to, which was all the more reason to keep her distance. But damned if she could. She was drawn to him in ways she’d never been to anyone else. That was the simple fact of the matter, despite how she’d tried to deny it.

  “Chloe, honey, don’t cut it too short.”

  Chloe snapped out of her thoughts to realize she was giving Tiffany Taylor one hell of a haircut. “Oh crap, sorry. Is it too much?”

  “Nah, it looks cute. I love it.” She caught Chloe’s eye in the mirror. “What’s up with you today? You seem distracted.”

  Chloe started to deny it but couldn’t. “Maybe a little.”

  “Do tell. In my line of work, people tell me their troubles all the time.” Tiffany owned Naughty & Nice, which sold lingerie and other intimate items.

  Many of her clients—including Tiffany—had become friends over the years, and she desperately needed to air it out with someone.

  “I met a guy.”

  “Ohhh, who is it?”

  “Someone you know.”

  “Duh. Of course I know him. We live on an island. I know everyone.”

  “Sometimes I hate that part of island life.”

  Tiffany waved her hand. “We all go through that when we start dating someone. You remember what it was like when I started seeing Blaine, and the mayor was telling him to do something about the traffic menace I was causing outside my store, and he refused. Then the town council got involved.” She shuddered. “That was so stressful. Anyway, enough about me and my sexy police chief. Who is this guy that has your eyes sparkling?”

  “Are they?” Chloe glanced around Tiffany to the mirror, trying to see what she saw, but to Chloe, her eyes looked the same as they always did.

  “Definitely.”

  Though it was not usually her inclination to dish about her personal life with other women, all bets were off when it came to Finn. She needed perspective. “Finn
McCarthy.”

  Tiffany let out a sound that was half shriek, half squeal. “I love him! And he is some kind of sexy, with that hair and those blue eyes. And have you seen him without a shirt?” Tiffany fanned her face. “The man has an eight-pack.” Tiffany laughed. “That’s not to say he’s got anything on my husband, of course.”

  “Of course,” Chloe said, amused and flushed. “So there’s an eight-pack, huh?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  The information left Chloe feeling lightheaded. The man was too sexy for his own good—and hers. “It’s the strangest thing, but when I see him, it’s like… I can’t even describe it.”

  “That’s attraction for you. It makes no sense whatsoever. Like why do you look at him and feel the buzz of attraction, but when you look at his brother—who is equally handsome—you feel nothing?”

  “Yes! That. Exactly. It’s so weird. Why him? Why now?”

  “I wish I had those answers for you—and everyone else. I remember so vividly the first time I ever saw Blaine. I was at the clinic with Maddie after that awful day at the marina when Mr. McCarthy and Mac were injured.”

  “Ugh, I remember that day all too well. Linda was in my chair when she got the word, and I drove her to the clinic. It was so scary.”

  “It was—and Maddie ended up being admitted for observation because she was pregnant with Hailey. I’m sitting there with my sister, minding my own business, and in walks the new police chief, looking for Mac, and my world just tilted on its axis. I was still married to Jim then. I had no business going stupid in the head over anyone else.”

  “If it was anything like what happened to me when Finn walked in for a haircut the other day, it’s not like you could’ve helped it.”

  “Exactly. I liken it to a chemical reaction. My whole body reacted to him in a visceral way that had never happened before.”

  “Same.” Chloe was relieved to hear someone else describe what’d happened to her. “Did you start something with him then?”

  “Oh God, no. It was a long time, and several extremely arousing encounters, before anything came of it. And when we finally got together… Good Lord.” Tiffany fanned her face. “We were so hot for each other by the time it actually happened, that first time was thermonuclear.”

  “That hot, huh?” Hearing Tiffany describe her relationship with Blaine had Chloe wondering what it might be like to have that kind of connection with someone?

  “So hot. Still is.”

  “Now you’re just bragging.”

  Tiffany laughed. “Sorry about that, but I only speak the truth. My husband is a stud, and he does it for me.”

  “You’re lucky to have that.”

  “I really am, and I know it. I used to watch my sister with her husband and be so green with envy because I wanted what she had, but I didn’t think it would ever happen for me. I was stuck in a dead marriage with a man who belittled me and took me for granted. All I can tell you is the kind of thing I have with Blaine is so rare and special. If you have a chance of having that, I hope you grab it with both hands and never let it go.”

  “I’d love to grab Finn McCarthy with both hands, but I will let go. I don’t do forever. That’s not how I’m wired.”

  When Tiffany’s dismay registered in her expression, Chloe realized she’d said more than she’d intended to.

  “Besides, he’s not looking for forever. He’s probably a total player anyway.”

  “I don’t think he is. That’s not how any of them are. Their fathers would kill them if they were anything other than respectful to women.”

  “He can be respectful and still be a player.”

  “True, but I haven’t picked up that vibe from him. Mac says he and his brother are hard workers. I think you might be selling him short.”

  “Maybe so, but it doesn’t matter. He’s moving back to the mainland at the end of the month, so it’s not like anything can come of it.”

  “Plans can be changed, Chloe. If there’s one thing I know from seeing my sister blissfully married to his cousin, it’s that McCarthy men know how to treat the women they love.”

  Chloe snorted at the mention of love. “I’m glad your sister is happy with Mac, but no one’s talking about love here.”

  “Aren’t we? I thought that’s what we were talking about. I know I was when I was talking about Blaine. I love him so much, I can’t see straight half the time—and I can’t walk straight either because the man is a beast in bed. In the best possible way, of course.”

  When Chloe would’ve begun to blow-dry Tiffany’s hair, the other woman stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Just because it hasn’t happened yet for you doesn’t mean it can’t. If you feel something for him and sense it works both ways, don’t be cavalier about what could be the most important thing that could ever happen to both of you.”

  As Chloe dried Tiffany’s hair, she thought about everything Tiffany had said. What might it be like to have someone else to lean on, someone to come home to after a long day—

  Stop. It’s not possible. You know that, so why are you bothering to entertain the fantasy?

  The constant ache in her hands, hips, knees and ankles was a reminder of why she’d chosen to be alone. She glanced at the clock and saw she wasn’t due for meds for another two hours. When the pain set in, two hours could seem like forever.

  She powered through it the way she always did and would continue to do so for as long as she could. And when she no longer could? She didn’t know what she would do, and that scared her more than anything. The fear had become crippling since receiving an official diagnosis. That fear and that diagnosis was another reason to keep her distance from Finn.

  Tiffany hugged Chloe on her way out the door. “When you decide to take sexy Finn McCarthy for a ride, come by the shop for something slinky to wear.”

  “I’ll do that.” She never would, but Tiffany didn’t need to know that. “Don’t say anything, okay?”

  “Of course not, but you think about what I said.”

  “I will.” How would she think of anything else? As she swept up the hair clippings and prepared for her next client, Chloe ached everywhere, including her heart, which mourned the loss of something she’d never had in the first place.

  “You’re being ridiculous. You can’t let one sexy, charming man turn you into a lunatic. You know your limitations, and you know why it wouldn’t be fair to get involved with anyone long term.”

  “Ahh, Chloe?”

  She looked up to see her next client had arrived and was mortified to realize she’d been caught talking to herself.

  “Hi there, Mrs. Miller. That’s what happens when you work alone.”

  “Oh, honey, don’t worry about it. I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes I even answer myself.”

  Chloe laughed and gestured for Mrs. Miller to have a seat in her chair. “I do that, too.”

  As she discussed Mrs. Miller’s desire to cut her hair shorter, Chloe tried not to think about Finn or the fears that kept her awake at night. She gave her last client of the day her full attention for the next forty-five minutes. After she locked the door behind Mrs. Miller, Chloe sank gratefully into the chair behind the desk to tend to the administrative tasks of running a business—answering voicemail messages, sending out reminder emails for tomorrow’s clients, reconciling the bank statement in her bookkeeping program and paying the rent on her storefront.

  She updated her Facebook page to welcome Race Week participants with a twenty-percent-off coupon that she hoped would bring some walk-in business to her door. The demands never ended, and most of the time she loved everything about running her own business, but aching in more ways than one, she was ready to call it a day.

  Chloe was on her way out the door when a young man carrying a bouquet of wildflowers appeared on the sidewalk.

  “Chloe Dennis?”

  “That’s me.

  “These are for you.” He handed over the bouquet, told her to have a nice day and jumped o
n his bike to head back to the florist at the other end of town.

  Chloe carried the flowers to her car, the envelope tucked into the colorful blooms taunting her until she was in the car and could open it.

  Thanks for being my two-week girlfriend. I can’t wait to see you tonight. Finn.

  “Oh, Finn McCarthy.” She teared up as she re-read the message. “You don’t fight fair.”

  On the ride home, she gritted her teeth against the pain and fatigue that gripped her after every long day at work. She refused to acknowledge that the pain was getting worse or that she seemed to be having more bad days than good lately—and the timing couldn’t be worse with her busiest season at the salon getting underway. If she allowed herself to think about those realities, she would curl up into a ball and give up.

  That wasn’t an option. She was a survivor. She had always been a survivor and always would be. That her own body was rebelling against her made Chloe more determined to fight back and press on, pretending like everything was fine when it wasn’t. It wasn’t fine at all.

  Her phone dinged with a text from Finn. Your dinner is almost ready. What time are you heading over?

  Tell him you can’t make it. Tell him this was a mistake, that you never should’ve agreed to be his two-week girlfriend or anything else.

  She stared at the phone for a long time before typing her response.

  Will be there in fifteen minutes. She’d thank him for the flowers in person. Despite what her better judgment would have her do, Chloe wanted this interlude with him. She wanted something that made her feel happy and alive and separate from the fear she lived with every day. Being with Finn was the most exciting thing to ever happen to her, and she simply didn’t have the wherewithal to walk away, even if she knew she should.

  Two weeks. She would take this time with him and enjoy it fully and remember it always when it was done.

  Before she left the house, she took her meds, fed Ranger and let him out, changed her clothes, brushed her hair and teeth and refreshed her makeup. As she let Ranger in from the backyard, she received another text from Finn. Bring Ranger if he likes steak.