Valorous, A Tame Quantum Novel (Quantum Series Book 2) Page 17
“Ah, God,” he says when he comes down on top of me, capturing my lips in a deep kiss.
He kisses between my breasts, his forehead resting against my chest.
I comb my fingers through sweat-dampened hair, massaging his scalp, which makes him sigh with what sounds like contentment. I hope it is.
I’m going to make him happy. No matter what I have to do, I will make him happy. Despite my determination, a niggle of doubt begins to take hold. What if I can’t do it? What if I just can’t be what he needs?
Chapter 13
Her panic attack has left me totally undone. I don’t want to be afraid to touch her, but I am. I’m terrified of doing something to bring that fear back to her eyes. If I never see that again, it will be too soon. It’s like navigating a minefield, not knowing what will set off the panic.
Her fear was loud and scary. Mine was silent but no less terrifying.
The most pervasive thought in my head is thank God I didn’t give in to the guilt and tell her about the club. That would’ve been a fatal error. She never would’ve married me if she knew about that.
When my racing heart finally returns to a normal beat, I kiss her and withdraw to go into the bathroom to get a towel to clean her up. Then I use it myself and drop it to the floor before I crawl back into bed with her.
She curls up to me, her hand on my belly. “Thank you for what you did.”
“What did I do?”
“You gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it. Most guys would’ve run screaming for a lawyer after that show I put on.”
“I’m not most guys, sweetheart, and I will never leave you. Ever.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much for you.”
It pains me that she’s worried about me right now. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. I knew exactly what I was getting when I said ‘I do’ earlier, and nothing has changed since then except now you can’t get an annulment.”
I feel her lips curve against my chest. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“It’s the last thing I want, too.” I hug her in closer to me. “I’ve got everything I want right here.”
Now if only I could figure out what to do about my fear of triggering another flashback for her. I’d rather die than do anything to cause her pain, and it’s going to be a long time before I forget the terrified look on her face, the screaming, the crying…
It’s unbearable.
I finally fall into restless sleep hours later. The next thing I know, we’re in the dungeon in New York, she’s facedown on the spanking bench, her arms and legs propped on the pads, her bottom raised for my pleasure. I’m aware that I’m dreaming and should put a stop to this while I still can, but I can’t bring myself to do that. I want to see how this plays out. I need to know.
After our intense scene, I kiss her face, her lips, her nose. “Nat.”
“Hmm.”
“Open your eyes.”
“Can’t.”
“Try.”
They flutter open to meet mine, and what I see there amazes me—she’s absolutely glowing.
“Talk to me. Tell me how you feel.”
“I feel… I… When can we do it again?”
“Natalie…” I’m stunned and humbled by her acceptance of me and the needs that drive me. “Baby, I love you.”
“Mmm, love you, too. Now when can we do it again?”
Laughing, I kiss her sweet lips. “Talk to me about that tomorrow when you know what the day after is like.”
She draws me into another kiss and bites my lip. The sharp stab of pain wakes me from the dream to discover it’s happened again. I’ve dreamed my way to orgasm while Natalie sleeps next to me, unsuspecting.
The dream comes back to me in increments, torturing me with scenes of things I can only dream about. I feel betrayed by my own subconscious mind. It’s punishing me for my deception by showing me things I’ll never have with the woman I love more than life itself.
Natalie turns toward me, her hand landing on my chest, above the mess I’ve made on my belly.
I lift her hand and get out of bed, leaving her to sleep while I go into the bathroom to clean up.
I’m disgusted with myself and afraid, deeply afraid, that I may not be able to live without the things I’ve given up for her.
I wake to daylight and my ringing cellphone. Addie’s ring tone. Natalie is curled up to me, sleeping soundly. Moving carefully, I get up without disturbing her and take the phone to the other room to answer.
“Hey.” My voice is scratchy and my head is pounding from the goddamned champagne, the lack of sleep and yet another disturbingly erotic dream starring the woman who is now my wife. “What’s up?”
“You know I’d never, ever bother you this morning unless I really had to.”
“Yeah, I know, which is why you’re making me nervous.”
“The whole world is going mad over you getting married. It’s the lead story everywhere.”
“Everywhere meaning…”
“The whole fucking world, Flynn. The paparazzi have descended upon Vegas. They have every street in the city covered. I’ve been in touch with the security firm this morning, and they’re worried about getting you guys out of there today.”
I can’t help it. I start to laugh.
“Are you laughing? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“It’s just so ridiculous, Addie. So I got married. Why does anyone care?”
“Umm, is that a rhetorical question?”
“It is in the sense that I don’t expect you to answer it.”
“Well, that’s a relief. It’s your own fault for saying you’d never get married again and then marrying someone you met a few weeks ago.”
“You have to admit it’s a cool story.”
“Precisely why the whole world is interested, especially in light of everything that’s come out about her in the last week.”
“I have an idea of how we can get out of here. Let me make a couple of calls, and I’ll get back to you.”
“I’ll be here.”
I place a call to Gordon Yates, the owner of the security firm we work with for all of Quantum’s needs in LA. He answers my call on the first ring.
“There’s the man of the hour.”
“So I hear.”
“I understand congratulations are in order.”
“Thanks, Gordon.”
“We’re trying to figure out the best way to get you out of there. I’ve been in touch with security at the hotel, and we’re working on a few ideas.”
“What about a chopper from the roof?”
“That’s on our short list.”
“Let’s do that. I’d like to get Natalie out of here and back to LA with minimal fuss and no screaming paps.”
“Give me two hours to set it up.”
“Take three. I got married last night. I want to wake my new wife properly.”
Gordon laughs. “You got it. I’ll call you in three hours with the details.”
“Thanks, Gord.”
I call Addie back to tell her the plan and ask her to have my Ducati taken to the LA airport along with two helmets.
“I’m on it.”
“Thanks, Addie. One of these days, you’ll get a day off. I promise.”
“I’m not holding my breath, but that’s okay. I happen to love my job.”
“Thanks again for everything these last couple of weeks. We both appreciate it so much.”
“The picture from last night was awesome. I hope you guys had the best day ever.”
“It was a good one. Talk to you when we get back to LA.”
“Sounds good.”
I leave my phone on a table in the main room and return to the bedroom, where Natalie is still asleep. I use the bathroom and brush my teeth before getting back into bed with her. She murmurs in her sleep and snuggles up to me, her arm wrapping around me like she’s been sleeping with me for years rather than days.
It’s so natural between us, the attraction, the banter, the desire. It’s all there. Her body is warm and soft against mine, and my reaction to her is swift and predictable. If she’s in the same ZIP code as me, I want her. When she’s naked in bed with me, I’m helpless.
I lay there holding her for a while before she stirs, looking up at me with those big eyes. “Why are you awake so early?”
“Already dealing with logistics to get out of here. Apparently, we’re the story of the day around the world.”
“Yay,” she says with a nervous laugh.
“How do you feel about becoming famous practically overnight?”
“About the same as I feel about becoming married practically overnight. It’s all good.”
“Yes, it is.”
“So what happens the morning after one marries the most famous actor in the world?”
“You have a number of choices as the wife of the most famous actor in the world. A, you can order anything you want for breakfast. B, you can make love to your famous actor husband, and C, you can do all of the above.”
“C,” she says with a warm, sexy smile. “All of the above.”
After Flynn outlines our escape plan, I’m curious and nervous about my first ride in a helicopter. It’ll be another first in a long line of them since I met him. I’m worried about Fluff panicking about the helicopter, so Flynn has a tight hold on her leash as we’re escorted to the roof by hotel security.
The helicopter is huge, and apparently it’ll be taking us all the way to Los Angeles because the airports here and in LA are under siege with reporters hoping to catch sight of us today. We’re loaded into the helicopter, and Flynn straps me in, handing over custody of Fluff, who’s put out by the whole thing.
Then the engines fire up and she goes ballistic, barking and snarling. Once again she makes us laugh when we need it most.
I gather her into my arms and stroke her, hoping to settle her. “We used to live such a quiet boring life, Fluff-o-Nutter.” We’re sitting very close to Flynn so we can hear each other over the roar of the engine.
“I think she preferred that life to the one you’re leading now.”
“She’ll adapt. She has before.”
“How did you get her after everything happened?”
“The detective who was nice to me? He went to my house and got her for me.”
“They just handed her over?”
“He never said, and I didn’t ask. I didn’t care how it went down. All I cared about was having her with me. She was always my dog. She was literally the only thing I took with me from my old life into my new life. The clothes I was wearing when I left Stone’s house and the items in my backpack were considered evidence.”
He shakes his head in disbelief. “I hope I never cross paths with your parents. I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“We won’t see them. For years, I half-expected them to show up out of the blue to say it had all been a huge mistake. After about two years, I stopped waiting for that to happen.”
“People are funny when it comes to money. Now that you have a lot of it, they may become interested in you again.”
“Wouldn’t that be something?”
“Don’t spend one minute worrying about that. They won’t get anywhere near you. Not as long as I’ve got a breath left in me.”
I drop my head to his shoulder. “What you must think… growing up with a family like yours to hear about one like mine.”
“It makes me feel even more exceptionally lucky than I already felt to have been born to Max and Estelle. Until I met you, the greatest stroke of luck in my life was having them as my parents.” He cups my cheek and runs his thumb over my face. “I don’t want you to spend one second worrying about me thinking less of you because of who you come from. I think the world of you. You have to know that.”
“I do, but thank you for reminding me.”
“Any time you need a reminder, you let me know.”
“I keep thinking about my sisters and what we said at the end of the interview. Do you think they’ll try to get in touch with me? What if they don’t even see it or if they haven’t heard the news about me?”
“They’ve heard, and they’ll see it, and they’ll call. Of course they will.”
“I can’t get my hopes up.”
“If you don’t hear from them, I’ll put someone on finding them.”
“You will? Really?”
“Yes, I will. What happened between you and your parents had nothing to do with them. We’ll find them, and we’ll set the record straight with them. You want your sisters in your life, you’ll have your sisters in your life. Damn it.”
I smile at him, loving him for loving me so fiercely.
Our first morning as husband and wife was as sweet and tender as our first night. Like last night, he went out of his way to keep from doing anything that could possibly trigger a flashback. He was a perfect gentleman in every possible way. Despite the satisfying conclusion for both of us, I was left wanting more.
After seeing him unhinged and lost in the passion we generate together, I’m saddened to know he’ll be holding that back every time he touches me from now on.
I think about the therapist who was so instrumental in helping me put my life back together after the assault. I spent two years seeing him three times a week before I changed my name and left for college. I haven’t spoken to him again since then, but I’m tempted to call him to help me navigate this new relationship with Flynn.
The first chance I get, I’ll reach out to him. I need all the help I can get in trying to be the wife Flynn needs and deserves.
Our arrival back in LA is uneventful. We land in a secure area of the airport, and after handing Fluff over to the security detail, we take off on Flynn’s motorcycle with helmets covering our faces and concealing our identities. As we fly down the freeway, I begin to understand why he feels so free when he’s driving and even more so on the bike. Pressed up against him, holding on tight to the man I love, I’m able to let go of a lot of the worries that have occupied my mind in recent days. It’s hard to think about anything else when you’re on the “four-oh-five,” as they call it here, with your legs wrapped around the biggest movie star in the world, who also happens to be your gorgeous new husband.
My life today might bear no resemblance whatsoever to the unassuming life I was leading two short weeks ago, but if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing about it. I’ve reinvented myself before and survived. This time, I’m not alone. This time, I have the love of the most exceptional man who will hold my hand as I navigate my way through these uncharted waters.
Because Flynn’s house in the Hollywood Hills is overrun by reporters, we return to Hayden’s Malibu beach house. We pass a relaxing afternoon by the pool with Fluff. That evening, we throw together dinner on the grill and down a bottle of chardonnay before we settle in to watch the broadcast of the interview with Carolyn.
She has evidently filmed a new lead-in that includes the photo we released last night and the news of our marriage. “The Internet is literally on fire today with the news that the world’s most eligible bachelor is officially off the market as of last night. The word that Flynn Godfrey married Natalie Bryant in Las Vegas took Twitter by storm last night after his publicist released the news with a single sentence and a single photograph. I had the distinct honor and privilege to talk with Flynn and the amazing woman who is now his wife. After hearing her story, I think you’ll see why Flynn changed his mind about getting married again.”
Flynn holds my hand, and Fluff is curled up in her favorite place in my lap as I watch myself with a detached sense of disbelief. Is that really me on national television, being interviewed by none other than Carolyn Justice?
“You sound great, sweetheart,” he says. “The whole country will be as in love with you as I am after this.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that,” I reply with a nervous laugh.
“I’m not sure how I feel about that either.”
“You don’t have to decide now. The word ‘no’ becomes your best friend. You say yes to the things that interest you and no to the things that don’t. You can take full advantage of your newfound fame to promote the foundation. The bottom line is with fame comes opportunity. I’m sure my management team will be hit with a slew of calls about you.”
“Wow, seriously?”
“Yep. But don’t worry about it. They’ll screen it all and bring only the most interesting stuff to us.”
“I’m having trouble wrapping my mind around this.”
“I didn’t tell you to stress you out. Just to make you aware of what to expect.”
“I signed on to be with you, not to be part of your business.”
“You don’t have to be part of it. Like I said, you pick and choose, and you have the power to say no to all of it.”
“Just over two weeks ago, I was a teacher in New York, and now I’m married to you and hearing I might be the hot new thing in Hollywood. It’s a lot to take in all at once.”
“You don’t have to take it in all at once. As long as you take me in once in a while…”
Laughing, I push my elbow into his ribs.
When the interview ends, Flynn’s phone begins to ring. He takes the call from his parents, putting it on speaker so we can both hear it.
“You were brilliant,” Max says. “Absolutely spot-on.”
“Everyone in Hollywood is going to want to meet you,” Stella says.
“I was just telling her that. She’s not sure how she feels about it.”
“Don’t you worry about that, honey,” Stella says. “You’re surrounded by people who can handle all that nonsense for you.”
“I told her that, too.”
“We don’t want to intrude on the newlyweds,” Max says. “We just wanted you to know we loved the interview. You did great, Natalie. You’re a natural.”