Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel Page 14

  “It’s not my fault.” Under me, her body is soft and relaxed even as she twitches with strong contractions that make me hard all over again.

  “Whose fault is it?”

  “Yours.”

  I take a gentle bite out of the back of her shoulder, making her startle and then laugh. I want to see her gorgeous face, so I withdraw from her and stretch out next to her on the bed, running my fingers through her long silky dark hair. Her lips are curved into a small, satisfied smile that pleases me.

  Resting my hand on her pink ass, I gently caress her. “Do you understand why I had to punish you?”

  She opens her eyes, meets my gaze, and a punch of emotion hits me, as if it’s the first time all over again. “I’m sorry I told Aileen about Kristian. I was only trying to help them along. Is he really mad?”

  “Not at all. He said you did him a favor.”

  “Then why…”

  “Why did I punish you?”

  She nods and rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. She’s so adorable, I almost forget what I was going to say.

  “You can’t tell people about us. Even people you know well and trust. I need to know it won’t happen again, Nat. That’s really important to me.”

  “It won’t happen again. I’m sorry I stepped out of line. I just want them to be as happy as we are.”

  “I know, honey, and I get why you did it. Your intentions were good. But—”

  She lays a finger over my lips. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I know why I can’t tell anyone, and I hope you know I’d never tell anyone who could hurt you or the others. Aileen loves us all. The information is safe with her. But I won’t do it again. I promise.”

  “Thank you.” I kiss her softly, wanting to give her sweetness after her punishment. I twirl a length of her hair around my finger. “How was your day?”

  “Now you ask,” she says with a teasing grin. “It was busy. Things are coming together for the fundraiser. I also had an appointment with Dr. Breslow.”

  I freeze with shock. She hates doctors, especially gynecologists, after the trauma of her rape exam years ago. “Why did you go there without me?”

  “I have to go alone at some point. Why not now?”

  “You don’t ever have to go alone, Nat. Is something wrong?” The thought of something being wrong with her terrifies me.

  “Nope.” She flashes a mysterious smile. “In fact, in about eight months, our duo is going to become a trio.”

  I’m stunned speechless. Nothing in my life could’ve prepared me for this moment. My brain goes completely blank, and my heart… My heart feels like it’s going to explode from the blast of joy that overtakes me. And then I remember the punishment, the rough sex, and I’m appalled and terrified. “Did I… I didn’t… Are you hurt? What we did…”

  Still smiling, she places her hand on my chest, on top of my wildly beating heart. “I’m completely fine, Flynn. If anything hurt, I would’ve stopped it.”

  “I can’t… We can’t… You…”

  Laughing now, she wraps her arms around me and brings my head to rest on her shoulder. “It’s a baby, not a bomb, and I swear I’m completely fine. Nothing has to change between us.”

  “This changes everything. No more rough stuff.”

  “I love your rough stuff. You wouldn’t deny me, would you?”

  “Don’t do that.”

  “What am I doing?”

  “You’re trying to manipulate me. As long as you’re pregnant, the most you’re getting from me is good old-fashioned gentle missionary.”

  “Then I’ll have to hit the club to find someone who can take care of my needs.”

  My hand comes down on her ass before I remember I just put a stop to such things for the foreseeable future.

  Natalie laughs right in my face. “Please tell me you’re not going to turn into a crazy lunatic while your wife is pregnant.”

  “Define ‘crazy lunatic.’”

  “Withholding sex and treating me like I’m fragile or breakable. If you do that, our baby will be an only child.”

  “Our baby,” I whisper. My eyes flood with tears. I’m going to be a dad. Natalie and I are going to be parents. I never thought I’d get married again, let alone fall madly in love with the perfect woman for me. And now, a baby, too…

  She brushes away my tears with her fingertips. “Are you happy?”

  “You have to ask?”

  “I just want to be sure.”

  “I had no idea this kind of happy was possible until I found you.”

  “Until Fluff found you.”

  “Thank God for her.” I kiss my wife, the mother of my child, my one true love.

  Chapter 14

  I have the best time with Aileen’s kids. They’re fun and funny and polite. They scream when a game goes their way and laugh it off when it doesn’t. They ask the best questions and never stop talking the whole time we’re playing. We take a short break to go down to the garage so they can sit in each of the cars. We stop in the kitchen for some ice cream before returning to the game room. They try every game at least once, and I enjoy teaching them the finer nuances of each one.

  Aileen lets out a squeak that gets my attention. “Oh my God! It’s almost ten! We have to go.”

  “Not yet, Mom,” Logan says without taking his eyes off the screen. He’s on a roll with a driving game and is racking up an impressive score.

  “You guys finish up the games you’re playing,” I tell them. “You can come back any time you want.” With them happily occupied, I take their mother by the hand and lead her out of the room.

  “You’re incredibly good with them,” she says.

  “Am I? Really?”

  “Really.”

  “They’re great kids. I’ve had the best time with them.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me for having fun with your kids. I love being with them, almost as much as I love being with their mom.” I prop an arm over her head and pin her to the wall with my body. “I’ve thought about last night all day today. It’s all I’ve thought about.”

  Her gaze drops to my mouth. “Me, too.”

  Because I can’t wait another second to kiss her, I bring my lips down on hers.

  Her hands slide up from my chest to meet behind my neck, her fingers combing through my hair in a soothing caress that makes me crazy for more of her. “Stay here tonight. I have plenty of room for you guys. We’ll put the kids to bed and have some time for us.”

  “We can’t do that.”

  “Why not?” I cradle her sweet face in my hands, compelling her to look at me. “The kids would love it. I even have extra toothbrushes and T-shirts they can sleep in.” I bend my head to nuzzle her neck. “I’m dying to hold you and kiss you and touch you, and I don’t want you driving home at this hour.” I feel her capitulation in the way she draws me closer.

  “I can’t sleep with you.”

  “I know.” I kiss a path from her collarbone to her ear and then roll her earlobe between my teeth. “Stay.”

  “If you’re sure it’s no problem—”

  Elated to know we’ll have more time together, I kiss the words right off her lips. “It’s no problem.” I release her and will my raging erection into submission so I can face the kids without embarrassing myself. “Hey, guys,” I call into the game room. “Your mom says you can stay over tonight.”

  “Yes!” Logan fist-pumps the air above his head.

  “But you have to go to bed as soon as those games are done.”

  He gives that news a thumbs-down but doesn’t protest any further.

  To Aileen, I say, “See, that was easy.”

  “They like you.”

  “I like them. And I really, really like their mom.” I kiss her again. “Let’s get them settled.”

  It takes half an hour to tear the kids away from the games, get them changed and their teeth brushed and tuck them into bed in one of my four extra bedrooms.
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  “Your mom will be right next door if you need her. And if you go right to sleep, I’ll get some more of those doughnuts Maddie liked for breakfast.”

  “Mr. Kristian is spoiling you guys with pizza and games and doughnuts.”

  “It’s okay, Mom,” Maddie says. “As long as we don’t overdo it.”

  I muffle my laughter behind my hand.

  “That’s right, sweetheart,” Aileen says when she kisses her daughter good night.

  What must it be like, I wonder, to have your mom tuck you in and kiss you good night every night, without fail? These kids have no idea how lucky they are to have her.

  “I want a story,” Maddie says, sounding whiny.

  “You got to stay up two hours past your bedtime. No stories.” Aileen is firm but loving with her daughter, who apparently knows when to quit. “Sleep tight. Love you guys.”

  “Love you, too,” Logan says as he turns to face the wall.

  “Love you, Mommy,” Maddie says.

  Their sweetness has my emotions all out of whack. I’ve never had such a close-up view of a mother loving her children the way they should be loved. In my world, it didn’t work like this. Mothers neglected their children. Forgot to feed them. Forgot to buy them new clothes when theirs stopped fitting. Forgot their birthdays and didn’t get them anything for Christmas.

  Kids in my world never felt safe or loved or coddled or any of the things Logan and Maddie will take for granted because they won’t know it any other way. And for that, I’m thankful. I never want them to know how it could’ve been if they hadn’t had the amazing good fortune to be born to their wonderful mother.

  The thoughts resurrect painful memories that I’d much sooner forget than relive, especially when I have so many good things to focus on, such as the sexy, adorable mom who’s turned my life upside down. My trip down horrible memory lane leaves me feeling unsettled—and unworthy. How can I hope to be any sort of positive influence in the lives of Logan and Maddie when I have no idea how it’s supposed to be done? No one ever taught me how to be part of a family.

  Queasy and sick with fear that I’ll somehow screw up the sweetest thing that’s ever happened to me, I go downstairs. While I wait for Aileen to join me, I pour a shot of Grey Goose and down it, chasing it with another one. When she appears in the kitchen, eyeing the bottle and the shot glass, I wonder if this is what it’s like to get caught drinking by your mom. I wouldn’t know.

  “Drink?”

  “Um, sure.”

  I fix her a glass of the chilled chardonnay that she likes and hand it to her. She takes a tentative sip, eyeing me over the edge of her glass. “Is everything okay?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  She puts down her glass. “What happened between the game room and the kitchen?”

  Jesus. The woman sees right through me. It’s like she can lift my hood and peer inside where all my secrets are hidden from everyone but her. I consider denying that anything happened, but I already know that’s not going to fly with her. “I was watching you with your kids and thinking about how lucky they are to have you.”

  “I’m lucky to have them.”

  “They’ll never know how lucky they are.”

  She comes around the counter to stand in front of me, looking up at me with those big, expressive eyes. It’s the weirdest thing, but her eyes remind me of a pencil box I was given one year in school when I showed up without any school supplies. It had a picture of a cat on it that had big, kind eyes that made me wish for a pet or someone real who’d look at me the way that cat did. I can’t tell her that her eyes remind me of a paper cat on an old pencil box, but for the longest time, that paper cat brought me comfort when nothing else did. Now I have her and those amazing eyes that look at me and make me feel things I’ve never felt before. Things that scare me.

  “Tell me what you were really thinking.”

  Stunned, my first impulse is to take a step back, to retreat, to run for the closet. But I have a sinking feeling she’d follow and force me out of hiding. “I don’t know how to do this.” Part of me is angry that she’s forcing me to say things I’d rather not share with anyone—even her.

  “Do what?” she asks, the picture of patience and calm.

  “Be part of what you have with the kids. I’m afraid I’ll make a goddamned mess of it.”

  She places a hand on my chest and takes another step to close the distance between us. “When I came into the game room earlier, you know what I saw?”

  I shake my head. I’m so riddled with insecurities that I’m unable to breathe or even blink out of fear that she’ll see me for the fraud I am.

  “I saw my daughter, surrounded by a man for the first time in her life. She’s never had anyone who’d allow her to stand on his feet so she could get a better view. She’s never had anyone to teach her how to play Frogger. These might seem like small things to you, but they’re huge to me—and to her.”

  The words and the feelings they conjure make me feel raw and unprotected from the barrage of emotion. “This is all new to me. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “You’re doing great. Do you see the way Logan looks at you? Like you’re a superhero.”

  I shake my head. “He shouldn’t think of me that way.” For the first time in my life, I’m ashamed of the things I did to stay alive, things that make me so much less than I want to be for Aileen and her beautiful kids.

  “Why not?”

  “Because! He doesn’t even know me. None of you do. If you did…” I shake my head, filled with anguish.

  “Are my children and I at any risk of harm by spending time with you?”

  “No.” I’m almost offended she would ask me that. “Of course not.”

  “If we were in danger, would you try to keep us safe?”

  “I’d do anything it took to keep you and your children safe.” I’m overwhelmed to realize I speak the truth. I’d literally take a bullet for any of them, and when, exactly, did I start to feel that way about them? I suppose from the beginning, if I’m being honest.

  “Then what else do we need to know?”

  “So many things.”

  “Did those things make you the man you are today? The same man who ran to my daughter’s aid when she was injured and allowed her to stand on his feet while he taught her something new? The same man whose every word my son hangs on, waiting for more? Or the man who makes me want things I thought I’d never have? Did those things make you that man? Because I like that guy so much. So, so much.”

  “Aileen.” I drop my forehead to hers. I’m overwhelmed and humbled by her, and falling for her so fast and so hard, I don’t know which end is up anymore. My arms slide around her, bringing her in as close to me as I can get her. She makes me feel like I’m ten feet tall and can conquer the world, as long as I have her by my side.

  “Everyone has a past, Kristian. Everyone has done things they aren’t proud of. No one is perfect, least of all me.”

  “You’re as close to perfect as anyone can be.”

  She laughs. “If you say so.”

  “I say so, and I don’t want to hear you say otherwise.”

  She curls her hands around my neck and looks up at me. “I know this is all new for you, but you’re doing great so far.”

  “Would you tell me if I wasn’t?”

  Nodding, she says, “If you want me to.”

  “I do. I need you to tell me if I screw up.”

  “Can I tell you when you do great, too?”

  “I guess.”

  “Why is it so hard for you to hear that you’re a good man, Kristian?”

  “I don’t know. I guess maybe because no one has ever thought so before.”

  “That can’t be true. Your friends think the world of you. I see that every time I’m around you all.”

  “It’s different with you and the kids. You guys make me want to be more. Better.”

  “You don’t need to be anything other than exactly who you are. That’s e
nough for us.”

  My heart is so full, it feels like it might explode. And then she goes up on tiptoes to kiss me so softly and so sweetly that I nearly break down. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve her children. But goddamned if I know how to resist her—or her kids. I fall into the kiss, losing my mind along with my heart. I can’t seem to stop it no matter how much I know I should. I’m completely lost to her.

  I wrap my arms around her and lift her.

  She gasps in surprise, breaking the kiss. “Where’re you taking me?”

  “To my room so we can spend some time alone. If that’s okay.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Hold on to me.”

  “I love when you say that.” She drops her head to my shoulder and tightens her arms around my neck.

  Here, in my arms, is everything I never dared to dream possible until she walked into my friend’s wedding and changed my life forever. It took me a while to realize that’s what she did, but I can no longer deny it, nor do I want to. I carry her upstairs, stopping outside the kids’ room to peek in.

  “Are they asleep?” I whisper.

  “Out cold.”

  That’s what I want to hear as I continue to my room at the end of the hallway, leaving the door open so she can hear her kids if they need her. We can’t do what we did last night, but I’ll take whatever I can get.

  Her lips brush against my neck, and I feel as if I’ve been electrocuted. Then she does it again.

  “Are you enjoying yourself?” I ask her.

  “Mmm-hmm. Very much so.”

  I’m never going to survive her if she can make me hard as a rock simply by kissing my neck. It usually takes a hell of a lot more than that to get me fired up.

  We stretch out on my bed, and she curls up to me, her body aligned with mine. “Can we talk about something else?”

  “Anything you want.” As I rub circles on her back, I remind myself that I’m not allowed to let desire get the best of me tonight. Not with her babies sleeping right down the hall.

  “I want to talk about the BDSM and how it works. I want to understand it.”

  All the air leaves my body in one long, tortured exhale.

  “I did some research today, and I have so many questions.”