Mine After Dark: Gansett Island Book Series, Book 19 Page 14

  “I believe we’ve demonstrated that’s not true.”

  “Yes, it really is.”

  He shook his head and kept his eyes open when he kissed her again, laying his lips on hers in an effort to refresh her memory about what they’d done earlier and how much they’d both enjoyed it.

  She slid her hands up and wrapped her arms around his neck, her mouth opening to accept his tongue.

  Riley wanted to howl from the thrill of her tongue rubbing up against his. He’d never felt anything like the almost-electrical charge that went through him as she returned the kiss with an eagerness that made a liar out of her. She was very, very good at this.

  She withdrew slowly from the kiss. “The, um… hot chocolate.”

  All he could see were her swollen, kiss-dampened lips and the high flush that turned her cheeks a light shade of pink. He’d never seen anything more beautiful. He was still gazing hungrily at her when she handed him the mug of steaming chocolate with a dollop of whipped cream on top.

  She spiked hers with a shot of Baileys. “Let’s go admire our tree.”

  Riley followed her into the living room. “Does the fireplace work?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Do you want me to make a fire?”

  “I’d love it. You have to open the flue thingie.”

  Smiling, he put his mug on the coffee table. “I know.” He knelt on the hearth, opened the flue and built a fire using the wood in the box next to the fireplace. The wood was nice and dry, so it caught quickly.

  “I’m always afraid to do that when I’m here by myself,” she said when he rejoined her on the sofa. “One time, I filled the house with smoke, and the fire department had to come.”

  “You forgot the flue thingie.”

  “Don’t mock me. It was traumatizing. I thought the house was burning down.”

  Riley curled his lips inward so he wouldn’t be tempted to laugh.

  “I can tell you’re mocking me.”

  “I’d never do that,” he said, curling a strand of her long dark hair around his finger.

  “It’s okay. You can. It’s kind of funny. Now… At the time, not so much.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Sixteen? I think… My grandmother was out to dinner. Jordan and I were home alone. Of course, on Gansett, when something like that happens, the whole island knows in a matter of minutes. It sort of scared me off fireplaces for the rest of my life.”

  “I bet you were a very cute sixteen-year-old.”

  “I had freckles.”

  “Adorable.” He drew her closer to him, close enough to kiss the unmarked skin on her face. “Where were they? Right here?” He kissed her cheek and the tip of her nose. “Or was it here?”

  “Pretty much everywhere,” she said, sounding breathless.

  “I’m going to need to see pictures.”

  Nikki’s smile lit up her entire face.

  Riley had the odd thought that he could look at that face forever and never get tired of the view. Taking her mug from her, he put it next to his on the coffee table. “I want to kiss you some more, but you have to tell me it’s what you want. Anything that happens between us will only happen if you want it to.”

  “I want to kiss you, too.” This time, she was the one who leaned in, who touched her lips to his and took the lead.

  She tasted like chocolate and Baileys. She tasted like desire, the purest, simplest desire he’d ever experienced. One kiss at a time, this sweet, vulnerable woman was changing him and redefining what he wanted.

  Riley was far more accustomed to confident, overtly sexual women who saw what they wanted and took it. He’d always found that kind of confidence sexy, but now he wanted something different. He wanted Nikki with her mix of moxie and vulnerability. More than anything, he wanted her to trust him, so he forced himself to go slow, to savor rather than devour.

  She had her arms looped around his neck, so when she reclined on the sofa, he had no choice but to go with her. Not that he objected… But the new position made it impossible for him to hide his reaction to her.

  “Nikki,” he whispered, his lips gliding over hers. “Hey.”

  Her eyes fluttered open.

  “Hi there.”

  “Hi, yourself.”

  Her damp, swollen lips curved into a smile that touched him deeply, in places no one had ever reached before. In that moment, he began to accept that she had already changed his life. Possibly forever. Was he ready for that? Probably not, but it seemed to be happening whether he was ready or not.

  “You’re staring.”

  “You’re so damned gorgeous. I can’t help but stare.”

  She ran her fingertips over his face. “I could say the same about you.” When she shifted beneath him, he groaned from the effort to hold back.

  “Nikki… I don’t… Is this…” Sighing, he dropped his head to her chest.

  Laughing softly, she ran her fingers through his hair.

  “You’re making a fumbling fool of me.”

  “What’s on your mind?” she asked.

  “Well…” He pressed against her, letting her know exactly what was on his mind. “I heard what you said earlier, and I just want to be sure this isn’t too much, too soon.”

  “I really like kissing you.”

  “I really like kissing you.”

  “It seems we’re on the same page here…”

  “I like being on the same page with you, but you’re going to have to be the one to turn the page.”

  Smiling, she dipped her fingers under his sweater and ran her fingertips lightly over his back in what quickly became the most erotic caress of his life. Why was it, he wondered, that this woman’s touch was so different from every other?

  She drew him into another kiss, this one more intense than any of the others, and Riley’s resolve to go slow was sorely tested. He wanted to touch her and kiss her everywhere. He wanted to bury himself inside her.

  Her words from earlier echoed in his head, reminding him to proceed with caution, which was the last thing he wanted to do with her warm and willing as she kissed him without any hint of restraint. If this was a test of his resolve, he was about to fail miserably.

  “Nikki,” he said, taking a deep breath between kisses and shifting to his side so he was facing her. He brushed her hair back and cupped her cheek, running his thumb over the flush of color that gave her a rosy glow. “Tell me what you want.”

  “I want to keep kissing you.” Under his sweater, her hand moved from back to front, sliding from his belly to his chest and leaving a trail of fire behind.

  “You’re making me kinda crazy here.”

  “Am I?”

  “Yeah,” he said on a nervous laugh. “Just a bit.”

  “I appreciate that you’re being careful with me, but…”

  “What?”

  “I want more.”

  Riley’s heart felt like it was performing cartwheels that left him breathless and impossibly aroused. For the longest time, he hadn’t understood why his cousins wanted to tie themselves to one woman for the rest of their lives when they could’ve had all the women. Lying on the sofa, wrapped up in Nikki, he was beginning to get it. “How much more?” With other women, he’d let things happen organically. With her, he needed certainty.

  “Touch me, Riley.”

  He gave her sweater a gentle tug. “Could we take this off?”

  She hesitated, but only for a second before nodding and helping him to remove her sweater, and then took his off, too.

  Taking in the sight of her full breasts contained only by a lacy, sexy bra, Riley drew her into his embrace, trembling from the power of his desire for her. “Nik… You’re so soft and sexy. I’m trying really hard to hold back here…”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Nodding, she drew him into another kiss, using her tongue to outline the shape of his mouth as her hand caressed his chest.

  Riley held perfectly sti
ll, allowing her to do whatever she wanted while he tried to keep his head—and other parts of him—from exploding.

  Chapter 13

  Since the assault in college, Nikki had never been entirely “comfortable” with a man the way she was with Riley. Everything about him was different, and not just because he was so sweet and sexy and easy to talk to. It was more than that. After having met his father, brother, cousins and many of his other family members, she felt a sense of safety with him that had been missing in the past.

  Other guys she’d dated hadn’t seemed to care about truly getting to know her or introducing her to their families. It’d been about one thing and one thing only.

  Riley wasn’t like that. While he seemed to find her appealing, the same way other guys had in the past, he saw more than how she looked or how she might perform in bed. He saw her, Nikki. Not Jordan’s identical twin or another easy conquest. In that way, there was absolutely nothing typical about Riley McCarthy, and that realization had her wanting things that had been impossible for her since that long-ago night changed everything for her in ways she still hadn’t fully shared with Riley.

  Talking about what’d happened after that night was too painful, even all these years later. As they often did, the memories came flooding back to remind her that she would never be “normal” again, the pain searing her as it always did, forcing her to pull back from Riley when that was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I…” Oh God, please, no. Her chest tightened with the telltale signs of the dreaded panic attacks that had crippled her in the days and weeks after the assault and the nightmare that’d followed. She pushed herself up to a seated position and focused on getting air to her lungs before the panic could take over.

  “Tell me what you need,” he said, putting an arm around her.

  Nikki went through the mental checklist she relied upon at times like this—everything is okay, you are safe, nothing is wrong, breathe. Just breathe. Sometimes the checklist worked, other times it didn’t. As tiny dots danced before her eyes, she feared this was going to be one of the latter cases.

  “Nikki,” Riley said, giving her a gentle shake. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  She continued to focus on the burning need for oxygen and the ache in her chest.

  Riley rubbed her back. “What do you need, sweetheart? Whatever it is, I’ll get it for you.”

  His words as much as his tender care helped to loosen the stranglehold the panic had on her. Air came rushing back to her starving lungs, sending tears of relief and mortification cascading down her cheeks.

  Riley held her through it, whispering soothing words and giving her gentle caresses that were all about comfort.

  If she hadn’t already been falling hard for him, his compassion would’ve done it. When she could speak again, her first words were an apology.

  “Please don’t.” He brought her head to rest against his chest as his fingers slid through her hair. “It’s my fault. I got carried away—”

  “No.” She couldn’t bear to hear him blame himself. “It’s me. There are other things, about what happened in college, that I didn’t tell you, things I never talk about with anyone.” A sinking feeling of utter despair came over her. “I’ll understand if this is way too much for you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You’re a good guy, Riley. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t a complete mess.”

  “Don’t say that. You’re not a mess.”

  “We’re only scratching the surface here. It’s really okay to walk away. I swear I won’t hold it against you.”

  “I sent a text to my boss Luke’s wife, Sydney, earlier. She’s the interior designer that Abby mentioned. I thought she might be able to give us some ideas about how we can redo the kitchen and bathrooms. Once we have a design, we can order the materials and get started on demo. Did your grandmother give you a budget?”

  “She—I… You don’t have to do this.”

  “Do what?”

  “Help me with the house. I’d totally understand if you…”

  “Left and never came back?”

  Aching, she nodded.

  “Because that’s what’s happened in the past? Things got tense, and the guy took off, never to be seen or heard from again?”

  She stared at him, stunned by his insight.

  “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. As much as I like kissing you and holding you and being with you like this, I like talking to you and laughing with you and thinking about what we might do to bring this magnificent old house back to life. I like all of that as much as I like this.” He touched his lips to hers in a sweet, undemanding caress.

  She’d known he was different. He’d just proven it to her.

  “And when you’re ready to talk about whatever has you so troubled, I’ll be there to listen. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Your old boss wants you back in Connecticut.”

  “I told you—as long as you want me here, I’m not going. I’ll let him know on Monday.” He hesitated before adding, “Unless I’m reading this all wrong, and you really don’t want me and that’s what caused whatever just happened here.”

  “You’re not reading anything wrong, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to me.”

  “I don’t.” He kissed her again and reached for her sweater to help her back into it before donning his own. “I’m going to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know what Syd has available, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Make sure you close the glass doors to the fireplace before you go to bed.” The fire had died down, but glowing embers remained.

  “I will.” Nikki stood on legs that felt wooden and followed him to the door as a sense of desperation descended upon her. She couldn’t let him leave like this. “Riley.”

  He turned to her, zipping his coat and donning a gray knit hat.

  “Despite how it might’ve seemed for the last few minutes, I had a really good time tonight. I loved meeting your brother and cousins and the others.”

  “I had a great time, too.” He put an arm around her waist and brought her in close to him. “And I will call you tomorrow.”

  She raised her hands to his face and kissed him. “Thank you for being awesome.”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You did. More than you’ll ever know.”

  He hugged her tightly and then kissed her forehead. “Get some sleep. Text me when you wake up. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Nikki stood in the door and watched him dash through the cold to his truck, keeping the lights on until he was on his way. Then she turned off the lights, locked the door and went into the living room to close the glass doors to the fireplace. She sat on the sofa, which was still warm from their bodies.

  It’d been years since her last panic attack, long enough to lull her into a false sense of security, thinking that unsavory stage of her life was in the past. Now she knew otherwise.

  She normally tried not to let memories of Griffin invade her thoughts, but as if seven years hadn’t gone by, he was right there, front and center, torturing her with regrets and guilt. Years of therapy had helped her cope, but tonight’s events had her wondering if she’d made any progress at all.

  Riley would come back, because that was who he was. But once he realized what he was up against, he’d quietly disappear from her life. That was what’d happened with the other two guys she’d dated since Griffin. They’d quickly figured out that she was going to be too much work and moved on, which had been fine with her. In fact, it’d been a relief both times.

  But with Riley…

  She took a deep breath and blew it out.

  If he quietly disappeared, she’d miss him. Possibly forever.

  * * *

  Driving home on dark, bending roads, Riley asked himself what the hell had happened back there. Everything had been fine one second and not fine the next. What
’d caused her to panic? He’d followed her lead, so he was almost positive he hadn’t done anything that scared her.

  The not knowing was going to drive him mad.

  He arrived home, where Finn was watching an old episode of The Office and drinking a beer.

  “Did you strike out?” Finn asked.

  Riley wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, that he was in no mood for his crap, but he didn’t say either of those things. Instead, he went straight to the bathroom and then into his room.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Riley looked up to find Finn standing in the doorway, still holding the beer bottle. “Nothing.”

  “Okay, if you want to play it that way, but you forget that I know you, and I could tell the second you came in the door that something was up. Are you already fighting with her? Isn’t this supposed to be the rose-colored-glasses portion of the program?”

  “I’m not fighting with her.”

  “If you say so.”

  “It’s not that.” Riley hadn’t intended to confide in Finn, but he needed to tell someone, and for all his asshattery, Finn had his back. “She’s been through some things, traumatic things…”

  “Oh damn,” Finn said, leaning against the doorframe. He wore only basketball shorts, and his dark hair stood on end in typical weekend fashion. “I’m sorry to hear that. She seems like a really nice girl.”

  “She is. She’s… I really like her. A lot.”

  Finn fanned his face dramatically. “Is my widdle boy in love? Finally?”

  “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t have to. It’s all over your face when you look at her.”

  “Not sure that means much coming from you, who loves to tell me I’ve got ugly all over my face.”

  Finn laughed. “I do like to say that, but tonight, I noticed something different. Something I haven’t seen before.”

  “It’s different with her.”

  “It has been since the leaky roof.”

  “Yeah.” Why try to deny it when it was the truth?

  “So what happened tonight?”

  Riley thought about what he should say. He wanted Finn’s advice, but not at the expense of Nikki’s privacy. “Things got a little… intense.”