All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel Page 13

  The last thing in the world she wanted to do was attend yet another trade show in yet another city where she wouldn’t get to see anything other than the inside of a hotel or convention center.

  As she closed her email, she realized she was going to have to have a conversation with her mother before too much longer. Because she worked so much and lived out of suitcases, she’d managed to save quite a bit of money over the years, especially since she’d made the decision three years ago to give up the apartment she used to have in Chicago.

  She had the ability to take some time to figure out her next move—and to take the trip to Europe she’d been saying for years she was going to take “one of these summers.” That was going to happen this summer. Before she could chicken out or come up with a thousand different reasons not to do something she’d always wanted to do, she logged on to the travel site they used for work and bought a one-way ticket to Paris for early next month.

  When her phone dinged with a confirmation email that contained her itinerary, a feeling of pure joy overcame her as she put down the phone and snuggled in to sleep.

  If this was what going wild felt like, she couldn’t wait to see what tomorrow would bring.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike.

  And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle

  that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.”

  —John Steinbeck

  After everyone left, Hannah stuck around to help Charley finish cleaning up.

  “You don’t have to stay,” Charley said. “I can do it.”

  “I don’t mind, and I wanted the chance to talk to you.”

  “About?”

  “What’s going on with Tyler.” Hannah picked up a towel and began to dry the dishes that Charley was washing.

  “Everything is fine with him. I don’t want you to think otherwise.”

  “I don’t. I see you guys together. I can tell you’re both happy.”

  “We are.”

  “So why do you think he’s about to upset the applecart?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling I have.”

  “Let me ask you something… Would being married to him really be so awful?”

  “No! Not at all. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have no question in my mind about that. I just don’t get why we have to make it official and legal to do that. I love the idea of us being together because we want to be, not because we’re legally bound to each other. I know that’s hard for you to understand after having been married twice.”

  “Not so hard. I get where you’re coming from. It means something to you that both of you are here only because you want to be, not because you have to be.”

  “Yes, that,” Charley said, sighing. “I know it’s an unconventional philosophy, especially in a family like ours that’s all about marriage and kids. I’ve just never wanted that for myself, and being in love with Tyler hasn’t changed my mind about any of it.”

  “You need to make sure he understands that.”

  “I know, but the thought of revisiting that subject makes my stomach hurt. I want him to be happy, too, and part of me thinks if it really means that much to him, I’d go along with it. That’s how much I love him.”

  “You shouldn’t sacrifice something that’s important to you to make someone else happy. That doesn’t work long-term.”

  “What if I’m all wrong about this, and I end up screwing up the best thing to ever happen to me?”

  “It’s not wrong to be true to yourself, Charley. You can’t lose yourself in the process of making someone else happy.”

  “How did you get so wise about these things?”

  “I’m wise about everything. You should know that by now.”

  Charley rolled her eyes and laughed. “Jeez, I walked right into that trap.”

  Hannah laughed and then hugged her sister. “You don’t need to worry about screwing things up with Tyler. That man is wild about you.”

  “Yes, he is,” Tyler said from the doorway, startling them.

  “Hey.” Charley released Hannah and turned to him. “I didn’t hear the door.” On a quick glance, Charley noticed his dark, wavy hair was messy from the knit hat he’d removed, and his blue eyes looked bluer than usual. He was wearing contacts more often these days, and she was still getting used to him without the glasses he usually wore. What had he heard them say?

  “I gathered that,” he said. “Did you ladies have a nice time?”

  “We did, as always,” Hannah said. “But I’m going to head home to see if Nolan succeeded in putting Callie to bed.” She kissed Charley and Tyler on her way out. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Thanks for the cleanup help, Han.”

  “Any time.”

  After the door closed behind Hannah, Charley took a tentative look at Tyler. “I’m not sure what you overheard.”

  “Just your sister saying I’m wild about you, which I am, but I’m wondering why she felt the need to remind you of that.” He came to her, placed his hands on her face, compelling her to look up at him. “What’s going on inside that head of yours, Charlotte?”

  Determined to be honest with him, Charley swallowed her fears. “I, uh, I’ve been picking up on a vibe.”

  “What kind of vibe?”

  “I might be wrong…”

  “You won’t know for sure unless you tell me about it.”

  She swallowed hard. “I’ve gotten the feeling over the last couple of weeks that you might be thinking about what’s next for us, and I’m sort of concerned about that.”

  “Ah, damn, Char. I’m really sorry you were worried. I’ve been working on a little surprise for you, but it’s not what you think.”

  “Oh. Really?”

  “Yeah.” He took her by the hand. “Come on. Let’s get comfy, and I’ll tell you about it.”

  As they got ready for bed the same way they always did, side by side in the huge master bathroom, Charley tried to think about what kind of surprise he might have in store for her. She liked to stay one step ahead of the people in her life, but Tyler was the exception to that rule. He could be harder to read than some of the other people she knew, and that, in turn, made him endlessly interesting to her.

  There were times, such as this, that she couldn’t believe she’d once found him boring. She’d not been bored once since she got to know him better and realized that under his quiet, unassuming exterior was a deeply intelligent, passionate, fascinating man whom she loved with all her heart.

  Falling off a cliff had turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to her, because it had given her the chance to really know the man who’d insisted on caring for her after the accident—and every day since then.

  He got in bed after her, bringing a small gift bag that he handed to her. “Half that gift is for me, so don’t get too excited.”

  “What’s the occasion?”

  “Do we need an occasion for me to give you a gift?”

  “No, but I don’t have anything for you.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “I do?”

  “Uh-huh. Open that, and I’ll tell you.”

  Charley fished out a velvet jeweler’s box from the tissue paper and glanced at him before she opened it. “Oh, Tyler… What…” Inside were two rings, one bigger than the other. The smaller of the two was all diamonds that glittered in the glow from the bedside lamp.

  He took the smaller of the two and held it up for her to get a better look at it. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, fighting a feeling of dread. “But I don’t want—”

  He touched a finger to her lips to stop her. “I know, sweetheart. I heard you from the beginning when you said you don’t want to get married, but I want everyone else in the world to know you’re taken.” He slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand and then held up her hand to see how it looked
.

  Charley couldn’t contain the tears that filled her eyes. “This might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever done.”

  “Now you have to put mine on me.”

  She took the second ring from the box and slid it onto his left hand. “I love you, Tyler. Thank you for not trying to change me.”

  “Why would I try to change you when I love you just the way you are?”

  Charley leaned in to kiss him. “That, right there, is really the sweetest gift you’ve ever given me. I never imagined I’d find someone who loves me despite all my rough edges.”

  “I love your rough edges as much as your smooth curves.” His hand landed on her ass and gave a gentle tug to bring her closer to him.

  “I thought you were going to propose.”

  “I’d never do that to you.”

  She smiled at the mildly offended expression on his adorably handsome face. “I should’ve known better.”

  “Yes, you should have. But the rings… They’re okay?”

  “They’re better than okay. They’re amazing symbols that we’re together by choice.”

  “Together forever by choice.”

  She nodded as she kissed him. “Could I ask you something?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “Does it ever bother you that we’re not going to get married or have kids?”

  “Nope.”

  “Do you mean that? Really?”

  “I mean it. It doesn’t bother me because you were honest with me about what you wanted—and didn’t want—from the beginning. I haven’t spent all this time with you hoping I was going to change your mind about something so important to you.”

  “I’m not sure why I feel the way I do about those things. I only know that it’s always been that way for me.”

  “So you’ve said from the beginning. I get it. I get you, sweetheart. I love you. Only you. Forever.”

  “I love you, too. Only you. Forever.”

  He kissed her and held her close. “How about we consummate this non-marriage of ours?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Landon left work the second the clock hit seven the next morning, eager to get home to Amanda. Thinking about her warm and naked in his bed had made for a long night at the fire station as he’d tossed and turned and had weird dreams about chasing someone who refused to be caught. Was that a metaphor for his situation with Amanda? He had no idea. All he cared about was getting to her as quickly as possible.

  Even as he told himself to slow down, to take it easy and not go all in until she figured out her life plan, he realized on the ride home that it was probably already too late to be warning himself about her.

  He was already all in with her and had been for quite some time, if he was being honest. Because of what he’d once felt for Naomi, he recognized the signs. First of all, he was incredibly attracted to her. Second, he wanted to spend as much time with her as he possibly could. Third, he was completely on board with supporting her through this period of change in her life, wherever it might lead. Finally, he might be willing to upend his own existence if it meant having more of her.

  That last one was the most interesting of all to him. He loved his life in Butler, enjoyed his work with the fire department and at the tree farm. He liked having his big family all around him and being able to see them whenever he wanted to. Landon wasn’t looking to shake up anything. His life was fine the way it was, so going all in with a woman who was looking to shake up everything was a huge risk for him and one he was taking while being fully aware of the many ways it could go wrong for him.

  He didn’t care if it went wrong. Not when she was naked in his bed, living in his house and wanting him to be her partner in crime. Wild horses couldn’t keep him from her, but apparently, Fred could. After spotting the moose standing in the roadway, Landon slammed on his brakes, the truck fishtailing for a second in the mud on the road before coming to a halt about six feet from Fred.

  Landon put down the window. “Move along, Fred. I’ve got somewhere important to be. Naked, sexy woman, warm and cozy in my bed! Let’s go!”

  Fred let out a loud moo but otherwise seemed unaffected by Landon’s request.

  “Maybe if you had a naked woman in your bed, you might be a little less ornery.” Fred had no reply to that. “Why would you want to stand in the middle of the road when you could run through the woods with no fear of getting hit by a car or truck?”

  Fred shot him a look that could only be called disdainful.

  “I can’t believe I’m having an actual conversation with a moose.” Landon laid on the horn, which only earned him another perturbed look. “Come on, dude. Be a pal, would you? I’ve got the most awesome woman sleeping in my bed, and I just want to get home to her. Would you please move?”

  Fred let out another loud moo and began to move forward, slowly working his way toward the brush. What did the trick? The sexy woman or the word please? Landon didn’t know and didn’t care. “Thank you,” Landon called after him.

  “Moo.”

  Annoyed by the delay, Landon hit the gas and headed for home. “Freaking pain-in-the-ass, cock-blocking moose!” He needed to tell Hannah to do something about Fred and his propensity to get in the way of true love.

  Landon nearly slammed on the brakes again after having that thought.

  True love?

  What the actual fuck was he thinking? He liked Amanda a lot, but he wasn’t in love with her. Was he? How would he even know? The only time he’d felt anything like love for someone he wasn’t related to had been Naomi, and he’d been a teenager when she died. How the hell was he supposed to know if what he felt for Amanda was love?

  Way to make things even more complicated. Ugh. “Just chill the fuck out and stop with the crazy thoughts, will you, please? She’s got a lot on her mind right now, and the last thing she needs is some horny dude messing with her effort to reinvent herself.”

  He pulled into his driveway and came to a stop, throwing the truck into Park and taking a second to make sure he was prepared to go in there and be with her without doing something stupid like blurting out words she was in no way ready to hear. “You’re in no way ready to say them either, jackass, so keep your mouth shut.”

  How do people survive this shit? he wondered, and not for the first time. There’d been a few months after Naomi died when he’d had reason for concern about his own health. Was it possible for a broken heart to simply stop beating? Even though they hadn’t known the full measure of his affection for Naomi, his parents and siblings had surrounded him with love and support during that dark time, and eventually, he’d rebounded.

  But he’d never forgotten how badly those months had sucked, nor had he ever stopped mourning the loss of Naomi’s young life.

  He got out of the truck and went inside, going directly to the bedroom door to look in on Amanda, who was asleep. His heart beat erratically as he got undressed, used the bathroom and got into bed with her, snuggling up to her warm, naked body. The sense of relief at being back with her was overwhelming, which was just another thing to be confused about. He’d never felt that pervasive sense of relief at being with any woman before.

  She was turning him all around, and he was along for the ride with her no matter where it might lead.

  Amanda stirred, her soft backside brushing against his hard cock. “You’re home.”

  “I’m home. How’d it go sleeping naked?”

  “Pretty well, all things considered. It seems to be getting even better, actually.”

  Landon laughed as he cupped her breast and ran his thumb over her nipple, making her shiver. “How do you feel about morning sex?”

  “In theory or practice?”

  “Definitely practice.”

  “Practice does make perfect.”

  When she would’ve turned toward him, he stopped her. “Like this.” He kissed her neck, stroked her breast and then slid his hand down between her legs to find she was more than ready for him. “Hold that th
ought.”

  She grasped his arm. “I’m on birth control. I’m safe if you are.”

  The thought of sex without a condom only added to the excitement, which was already off the charts. “We get tested quarterly at work. I can show you…”

  “That’s okay. I believe you.”

  “So then, we’re going to just…” He blew out a deep breath. “Well, okay, then.”

  Amanda rocked with silent laughter. “You going to be okay, Lieutenant?”

  “Uh, can I let you know after?”

  “I’ll be here waiting to hear how it went.”

  “Might be quick.” He gritted his teeth as he pushed into her from behind, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head from the blissful pleasure that overtook every part of him. He’d already known that nothing else could compare to making love to Amanda, but this… God… He moved them so she was on her knees and he was behind her, and the view of her smooth back and sweet ass fed the fire inside him as he moved in her.

  “Your ankle…”

  “Is fine.”

  He reached around to ensure that she’d be right there with him when this came to a sudden, cataclysmic finish. And the finish didn’t disappoint. He nearly blacked out from the incredible high. They came down on the mattress in a tangle of limbs, his arms wrapped around her, his face buried in the fragrant silk of her hair. “Holy moly.”

  “Mmm.”

  “In case you’re still wondering, that went really, really well.”

  Again, she shook with silent laughter, making him smile as he wallowed in the happiness that came from being with her. It wasn’t something he could explain or understand. Why this woman and not the many others he’d known? He didn’t know the answer to that age-old question. All he knew was that with every minute he spent with her, he only wanted more.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “There is something good in all seeming failures. You are not to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.”

  —Swami Sivananda

  Landon drove them into town that afternoon for the all-hands meeting his dad had called. Linc had asked her to attend, most likely to discuss the training on her company’s product line, which was set for Monday.