Ravenous, A Tame Quantum Novel (Quantum Series Book 5) Page 13

  I left for LA the next day and have rarely been home in the ensuing years. I see my mother and sisters at least once a year, but I haven’t seen my father in eight years, not since the funeral for my maternal grandfather. I don’t think we exchanged more than ten words during the two days I was home. I’m dead to him in every way except for one—he hasn’t gone so far as to actually disinherit me, much to my dismay. I used to pray every night that he would.

  My womanizing stemmed initially from my desire to disgust him to the point that he didn’t want me as his heir anymore. But nothing I’ve done, and I’ve tried a lot of things, has had the desired effect. And that’s my own fault. It was my idea to use my mother’s maiden name as my surname in my new life, lest I ever be somehow connected to him. So while I’m sure my father is suitably appalled at the way I live my life, the rest of the world has no earthly idea that Academy Award-winning cinematographer and world-class skirt chaser Jasper Autry is actually the heir to the Kingsley billions, in line to be the tenth Duke of Wethersby.

  Naturally, it’s never occurred to my father that my sister Gwendolyn, the Wall Street financier, would actually be much better at running the family empire than I ever could be, but God forbid his heir be a woman. That’s not the way of things in his world. If I hadn’t been born, finally, after four daughters, he would’ve left everything to his brother’s son before he turned his dynasty over to a mere girl.

  Gwen is a Harvard MBA with the same head for finance my father has and his father before him had, but she’s never worked a day for the family business. She’s a bigwig at an investment bank on Wall Street where she’s made a name for herself in the same financial circles in which my father is a living legend.

  The hairdryer goes on in the bathroom, a signal to me that the shower is free. I run the palm of my right hand over the stubble on my jaw, unnerved by the trip down memory lane that takes me back to some of the most difficult days of my life. I have no regrets about making a stand for the life I wanted rather than having the life he intended to force upon me, but I’ve always known I’m living on borrowed time.

  That’s especially true lately as my father spends less time in the office and more time pursuing passions that regularly put his life at risk. Last May, when he climbed Everest for the second time, I don’t think I took a deep breath for an entire week while I waited to hear he had successfully descended from the summit.

  His latest thing, according to the media, is flying solo around the world in an experimental solar-powered plane, because that’s not dangerous or anything. Sometimes I swear he’s gotten into extreme challenges just to torment me. I have no doubt he takes a perverse pleasure in knowing I’m constantly on edge, waiting to hear he’s managed to kill himself.

  The whole world will be watching his latest exploit. If his greatest skill is making money, his second-greatest skill is courting publicity. I’d have to hide under a rock to avoid the coverage. Luckily, my baby-making week with Ellie coincides with my father’s latest circus, so I’ll stay offline and out of his loop, which is where I’m happiest anyway.

  “Jasper?” Ellie emerges from the bathroom. She’s wearing a robe, but her hair is dry and she’s put on some makeup. Not a lot, but just enough to emphasize her eyes and lips. She looks fantastic, as always. “Are you all right?”

  “Of course, darling. I dozed off for a few minutes after you wore me out.”

  Smiling, she rolls her eyes at me. “What do I wear to a sex club?”

  “Something sexy.”

  “That narrows it right down.”

  I get out of bed and go to her, putting my arms around her waist. “You could wear that robe, and you’d stand out like the perfect rose that you are. Anything you want to wear will be smashing, I’m sure.” I kiss her and step around her into the bathroom.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “You were a million miles away when I came out of the bathroom.”

  Unfortunately, a million miles wouldn’t be far enough to free me from the shackle around my ankle. “I’m fine, darling. I’ll be quick.” I close the door, unnerved by how completely she “sees” me. She always has, even when we were “just” friends, but since we’ve become lovers, she’s become more attuned to me, and God, I love being seen by her. I love being known by her. I love everything with her, even if I shouldn’t.

  I get in the shower and stare up at the water raining down upon me, determined to enjoy every bloody minute I get to have with her before I’m forced to set her free.

  We ride to Black Vice in Jasper’s car. He’s been unusually quiet since he came out of the shower and got dressed. I assume it’s because he’s not thrilled to be taking me to the club, but I have no way to know that for sure. I’m too excited to experience the club to risk asking him what’s wrong. I don’t want him to change his mind about taking me there.

  Growing up in LA, I was always aware of the city’s sexual undercurrents. There are stores devoted to pleasure, basic strip clubs and higher-end “gentlemen’s” clubs, not to mention the adult film business that operates on the fringes of Hollywood. There was no avoiding the influences that surrounded me, but I’ve never had an urge to delve any deeper into the various lifestyles. Until now. Until Jasper confessed his kinky tendencies and made me obsessed with knowing more.

  We climb into the Hollywood Hills, far too close to Flynn’s house for comfort. Jasper navigates the winding road, pulling into a driveway I would’ve missed. The driveway bends and twists a few times before revealing what looks like a private home.

  Young sexy men in tuxedo shirts and bow ties are working the well-lit entrance, valet-parking cars and greeting guests.

  Jasper gets out of the car, takes a ticket from one of the valets and comes around to help me out. Wordlessly, he tucks my hand into the crook of his elbow and walks me inside where I have to blink several times before my eyes adjust to the much darker lighting.

  A handsome dark-haired man with dark eyes and the sort of intensity not often seen in men so young comes over to us. Wearing black pants and a dress shirt rolled up at the sleeves, he greets Jasper with a warm smile and the half bro-hug that guys are into these days.

  “This is my friend Ellie. Ellie, meet Devon Black, our host this evening.”

  Devon takes my offered hand and kisses the back of it. “Lovely to meet you, Ellie. Jasper tells me this is your first time at a club like ours. Welcome.”

  “Thank you so much for having me.”

  “I’d say the pleasure was all mine, but I hope it’ll be all yours.”

  The statement is so bold that it sends a flash of heat rippling through my veins as I try to imagine what I might be in for.

  “Before we go any further, I’ll need you to sign our standard nondisclosure form that basically says we’ll take aggressive legal action against anyone who speaks of who or what they see here. I trust that Jasper has told you that our club is a place where people are made to feel safe to be themselves. Everything that happens here is anonymous. I can almost guarantee you’ll recognize someone you see here tonight. By signing this form, you promise not to disclose that information to anyone.”

  “That’s no problem.” I take the form from him and sign it.

  Devon takes the signed form, hands it to the woman working the reception desk and gestures for us to follow him. “Come along. Let’s take a tour.”

  “Don’t you have to sign the form?” I ask Jasper.

  “Jasper is a longtime member of our club,” Devon replies.

  “I appreciate your time tonight, Devon,” Jasper says.

  “Not a problem. My lady has been down with the flu. I find myself with some rare free time, so your call was well timed.”

  “Give Tenley my regards,” Jasper says.

  “Tenley, the stylist Flynn and Natalie work with?” I ask, making an effort to keep the surprise out of my voice. “Addie’s friend?”

  “The one and only,” Devon says wit
h a soft smile that conveys his affection for her.

  So Tenley is part of the lifestyle, too? This just gets more interesting all the time. And I haven’t seen anything yet.

  We’re taken into a huge room with a variety of stages where couples and groups of people are engaged in a variety of activities.

  We walk up a flight of stairs to an open gallery area where Devon gestures to side-by-side closed doors. “Behind those doors, you’ll find a variety of scenes unfolding between consenting partners. Left side is the playroom, right side is observation, and intercourse is allowed up here but not on the main floor.”

  “Do you want to take a look?” Jasper asks.

  I’m trying to decide how far I want to take this quest for information, when one of the left-side doors opens and a couple emerges. They are so wrapped up in each other that they don’t notice us until I gasp and draw their attention to us. Hayden and Addie.

  They do a simultaneous double take when they see us standing there with Devon.

  Hayden’s happy, satisfied expression turns stormy. “What the hell are you doing here, Ellie?”

  “She’s here with me,” Jasper says, putting an arm around my shoulders.

  Hayden looks from him to me and then to him again. “You wanna run that by me one more time?”

  “You heard me.”

  “I asked him to bring me,” I say.

  He stares down Jasper. “What the hell for?”

  Before Jasper can answer, I say, “I’m not planning to ask what you’re doing here, Hayden, so maybe you should afford me the same courtesy.”

  His eyes narrow, and I can tell there’s a lot more he wants to say.

  “Hayden.” Addie tugs on his hand. “Let’s go home.”

  After a long pause, he says to Jasper, “You’d better hope Flynn doesn’t hear you brought her here.”

  That makes me mad. “Newsflash, Hayden. I’m thirty-five years old. I don’t ask my little brother for permission to do anything. It’s none of his business that I’m here, and it’s none of yours.”

  “She’s right, Hayden.” Addie pulls harder on his hand. “Let’s go.”

  He lets her lead him away, but not before he directs another stormy scowl at Jasper.

  “Well,” Jasper says cheerfully after they walk away, “always a treat to run into Hayden.”

  “My apologies,” Devon says. “I was upstairs with Tenley earlier and hadn’t heard they were here tonight. I would’ve given you a heads-up.”

  “No worries, mate.”

  One of Devon’s employees approaches us and confers privately with him. “If you’ll excuse me, I have something I need to see to. Feel free to wander at your leisure. I’ll meet you back at the bar to answer any questions you might have, Ellie.”

  “Thank you.” I realize that though I revealed myself as Flynn’s sister during the encounter with Hayden and Addie, Devon doesn’t seem particularly concerned about my brother’s potential ire.

  “I’m sorry about that, love,” Jasper says when we’re alone. “I had no idea they were members here.”

  “But you knew they were part of the lifestyle.”

  “Yes.”

  “I can totally see it for him, but Addie…”

  “She’s new to it.”

  “Ah, I see. Since she got together with him, and he just willingly introduced her to his lifestyle?”

  “Um, I don’t think it went quite like that, but you’d have to ask her.”

  I’m struck by the memory of the bruise I saw on Addie’s arm in Mexico. Is it possible that was caused by shackles of some sort? Well, I’ll be damned… “I feel like I’m back in high school, and all the cool kids know something I don’t.”

  He smiles down at me, his eyes alight with amusement. “It’s not like that. Most people don’t go around talking about how they like to get off. For example, I’ve never once heard you tell anyone you like to be spanked.”

  I reach up and squish his lips shut. “I didn’t know I liked that until I did it with you.”

  “Exactly,” he says, the word muffled by my fingers. He reaches up to remove my hand, kissing my fingers before wrapping his hand around mine. “You never know until you try, and that’s one of the central tenets of our lifestyle. Everything once. Twice if you like it. There’s no shame in experimenting or stepping outside the lines to see what’s possible.”

  “I’m trying to understand, as a feminist, the attraction to being submissive. I feel like I’m setting all of womankind back decades by allowing a man to control me in bed in an actual relationship.”

  “I can understand why it seems like you’d be giving up your hard-earned power, but it’s not like that. You retain all the power by dictating in advance what you want and don’t want.” He pauses before he adds, “How many decisions do you make in the course of an average day?”

  I have to think about that for a moment. “Hundreds?”

  “Right, so imagine a scenario where you let someone else do the thinking for you, and the only thing you need to be worried about is your own pleasure.”

  “Isn’t that kind of selfish?”

  “Not at all, darling. To me, seeing to my partner’s pleasure is the ultimate turn-on. I’d go so far as to say that turning over your pleasure to your partner is the ultimate use of your power as a woman.”

  “You make a compelling case. I’ll give you that.”

  “Don’t just take it from me. Let’s go see, shall we?”

  I’m not sure how long we watch an erotic scene play out before us, but I’m startled when Jasper tells me it’s time to go. With his arm around my waist, Jasper escorts me from the room on legs that are less than steady. He leads me to a seating arrangement in the hallway and sits next to me on a love seat. “Talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

  “Overwhelmed, turned on, more curious than I was before.”

  “Do you want to see more?”

  “I want to see everything.”

  His eyes blaze with heat as he leans in to capture my mouth in a kiss that has me wanting to rip his clothes off and have him right there, to hell with who might see us. “You’re so bloody perfect,” he whispers when we come up for air. “When you first told me you wanted a baby, all I could think about was having the chance to finally touch you. But now, there’re so many other things I want to do with you besides make a baby.”

  “You want to do this stuff with me?”

  “Hell, yes. I want to do everything with you, but only if it’s what you want, too.”

  “I… I think I’d like to try some of it, but only with you. I couldn’t do it with anyone but you.”

  “You’d better not do it with anyone but me, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “You’re sounding awfully possessive for a man who prides himself on not getting involved.”

  “You noticed that, did you?”

  “Mmm.” I nod as I let my gaze drop to his lips, which are still wet from our kisses.

  “I want you to do something for me.”

  At that moment, I think I’d give him anything he wanted. “What’s that?”

  “Don’t join that dating service.”

  “Jasper—”

  “Give me some time to figure out some things before you date other guys.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know yet, but please… All I know is the thought of you with other guys makes me crazy.”

  “This wasn’t supposed to be serious. It was about making a baby. And now…”

  “And now… I’m asking you not to see anyone but me.”

  “Aren’t you asking for more than that? Isn’t that why we’re here?”

  “If I could have anything I wanted, I’d be asking for everything with you. This,” he says, gesturing to the club, “the baby, your whole damned life if you’d give it to me. But I’m not at liberty to ask for that. Not now anyway.”

  “How can you feel that way about me when only a week ago we were j
ust friends?”

  “We were never just friends. Not in my mind anyway. And when you told me you wanted a baby, I saw an opportunity to have more with you. I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from that opportunity, even if I probably should have.” He runs his finger over my cheek, setting off chain reactions I feel everywhere, especially between my legs. Brushing his lips against mine, he says, “Do you want to watch some more, or do you want to play?”

  “Here?”

  “Uh-huh. Devon made a room available to us if we’re interested.”

  I swallow hard. “Would other people be watching us?”

  “Not the first time. That would be just for us.”

  “I…”

  “No pressure, Ellie. It’s totally up to you.” He drops soft, openmouthed kisses on my neck, driving me wild with the touch of his tongue on my skin. “Whatever you want, whenever you want it.”

  “I want it.” I want it so badly, I don’t even know quite how to ask for what I want.

  “What would you like your safe word to be?”

  “How about ‘baby’?”

  He smiles. “That’s a good one.” Squeezing my hand, he says, “You’re sure about this?”

  “Yes, Jasper, I’m sure.”

  “And you won’t join the dating service?”

  “I won’t join the dating service. If that’s what you want.”

  “That’s what I want.”

  Chapter 13

  I’ve lost all sense of time. I have no idea if we’ve been in this room for an hour or five hours. What does it matter? I’ve turned myself completely over to Jasper, and he’s in charge.

  I’ve never surrendered control like this before, and I would’ve expected to feel more afraid than I did coming into this room, knowing what was going to happen. But I trust Jasper so completely that fear is the one emotion I haven’t experienced in here.